Apar of Random Ruminations has tagged me, so here goes-
Instructions: a) Answer the questions below, do a Google Image search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, and do it with minimal words of explanation.
b) Tag 5 other people to do the same once you’ve finished answering every question.
1. The age you’ll be on your next birthday-
2. A place you'd like to travel to-
3. Your favourite place
4. Your favorite food
5. Your favorite pet
6. Your favorite color combination
7. Your favorite piece of clothing
8. Your favorite TV show
9. First name of your significant other
10. The town in which you live
11. Your first job
12. A bad habit you have
13. Your dream job- DIRECTOR OF
14. Your worst fear
15. What you'd like to do before you die
Though, I would like to choose 5 bloggers to tag, not sure if they would be willing to take it up, so please feel free to pursue this picture tag to share more about yourself and your interests, if you feel so.
Last weekend, we had a second cousin of my husband's come visit us. C is related to my husband distantly, and since my understanding of the family tree and relations is very limited, settled upon calling her the second cousin, seems simpler. C who is a few years younger to me is from India and is here in the US on a B-1 business visa to work on a project for her company's client for a few weeks. She arrived last weekend and is put up close to her client's site in San Ramon valley. My husband has met her only twice or so in his lifetime during weddings etc. in India and I've never seen her. C arrived in SFO last Saturday and called us several times during the week to ask if she could come over and meet us. Since she stays about 3 hours away from where we live, we told her to use public transportation to come to the station closest to our place from where we could pick her up.
C arrived on Saturday morning after taking a cab, changing 2 trains at a station 30 minutes away from our place and my husband picked her up. After they got home, we took off to attend a company picnic lunch hosted by my husband's company. C filled us in on her background and her routine since landing in US about a week ago. Apparently, her client office here has only 5 folks who all work from home. She is the only one coming from India to work on this project and hence works from her hotel room. She visited another distant family member's place during her first weekend and since then has not seen anybody else. She had spent the last week 24 hours a day locked up in her hotel room and was longing to interact with people.
Anyways, I spent the weekend taking her out for shopping, took her to the Indian grocery store and we went out to eat etc. C couldn't take her eyes off the Sun TV channel while at home and chatted away to us all the time. It was interesting to hear about some of her remarks and observations about the lifestyle in US.
1. During the one night she was in our place she couldn't go to sleep at all. She told us that it was too quiet here, no sounds of traffic from the roads, no noises etc. and it felt scary for her to fall asleep. So, she pretty much spent Saturday night watching TV till morning and fell asleep on the couch at dawn.
2. She loved the highways and the orderly lane traffic that whizzed past by, but still said that she preferred to ride her Scooty on Mount Road anyday, chuckle);-
3. Someone from her client office took her out to lunch on her first and only day in the office to a Greek restaurant and she had panini which she hated and said would never eat for the rest of her life. So, on the day she came over to our place and before we headed out to K's office picnic, she ate thayir satham and vadu mangai.
4. So, we took her out to dinner at a South Indian restaurant and after one bite of the sambar vada, she remarked that the vada tasted bad and we shouldn't eat it. K and I have been eating at this place for years, now.
5. We were watching CNN on and off, since she wanted to see mostly Sun TV and after a while, I was watching The Cosby Show on one of the family channels (a comedy show based on an African American family) and her expression was a dead giveaway that she would rather watch the crassy Vadivelu on Sun TV than enjoy the humor on this show.
Those were some of the distinct observations from the eyes of a visitor to this place. The views that parents have when they come here is quite different from that of a younger generation that comes from India. Made me go back to my initial days of coming to the US years ago as a student, was I this opinionated (I still am in many ways), but, most of everything about US fascinated me and I didn't know if the lack of noise, people crowding, huge family gatherings etc. bothered me as much as it did to her. In fact, the silence, the loneliness of this place in some ways all charmed me- that will be another post sometime.
On another note, today is the first day of the Navarathri festival, waiting to go home this evening and keep the golu.
Parvathi is a now a 35 year old woman. She hails from a small town in South India and has a diploma and a certificate in bedside nursing. Her parents are moderately incomed people who got her married to Kumar about ten years ago. Kumar came from a middle class family and was a chronic diabetic from his teens. Parvathi's parents thought that given their economic status and the difficulties they faced in finding a suitable match for their daughter, that this was something they and their daughter could accept and live with. Parvathi moved to Chennai to start her married life with Kumar. Kumar lived and worked in a government job in Chennai. His family comprised of 3 sisters who were all married and settled in various places, a widowed mother and his younger brother Raja. Parvathi settled into a routine in her new life. She even started to work in a doctor's clinic and time passed. Kumar and Parvathi had their first baby boy Shakthi 3 years later after their third anniversary.
Soon after, Kumar's brother Raja got married to a girl named Vani who was also a working woman. Kumar and Raja's mother was quite happy that she had settled off all her children and spent time staying with her daughters and sons. The two brothers and their wives lived together in the same household. After a couple of years, Kumar's health started acting up. His diabetes medicines were not helping much and he slowly developed kidney disorders. Parvathi quit her job in the doctor's clinic and spent her time accompanying her husband to his doctor and hospital visits. Eventually, Kumar underwent a kidney transplant and started post-operative treatment. Meanwhile, Vani was pregnant and she and Raja had their first baby. Soon after her maternity leave, Vani had to go back to work and Parvathi and her mother-in-law ended up taking care of the kids and Kumar. Kumar was on a extended leave of absence from his job. After his surgery, he seemed to respond to the treatment for a while and then there was a setback. Due to his diabetes condition, he was not responding positively to the transplants and was surviving with one kidney. His ailments continued for about a year, while Parvathi struggled to care for her husband and Raja spent all his earnings in getting the best treatment possible for his elder brother. The doctor's had given up hope of Kumar's survival by then and his days were numbered.
Knowing that his end was nearing, Kumar gave his wife lots of advice on keeping up her mental strength and spent time with his son who was now enrolled in kinder garden. He transferred all his savings to his wife's name and also spoke to the higher ups in his office to get her his job after his demise. Kumar passed away at the beginning of his ninth year of marriage when his son was 5 years old.
Parvathi and the rest of his family were heart broken and with time slowly recovered. Meanwhile, Kumar's mother who was living with one of her daughters in US was shuttling back and forth in her old age to hold the family together. Vani and Raja had their second baby in the following year and moved to a house in the next street where Vani's parents came and stayed to help out with the kids. By then, Parvathi had started working in her husband's office and another couple of years rolled by. She also got some money from the insurance from her husband's death and was able to manage for herself and her son. Raja and Vani often looked upon Parvathi and her son, since they lived in the next street and life went on, until the next lightning struck this family.
Vani was diagnosed of breast cancer a year later and she was deteriorating rapidly. Her parents were getting old to fend for themselves and tried their best to help out. Raja was now doing his best to try all kinds of survival treatments to save his wife. Parvathi pitched in to help take care of the kids after school etc. Within six months of her diagnosis, Vani passed away too.
Raja's mother was grief stricken at the second blow of fate to her family and stayed back in India to help her son with the kids. Time passed, very slowly and Raja developed leucoderma, a condition that leaves white patches on the skin. Another year passed and Raja's mother had to return to her daughter in US to keep her green card status.
Parvathi was now doing all the cooking for Raja and his children and continued to care for them as she and her son lived in the next street.
This is a true story from a family in our neighbourhood back in India. Recently, I heard that Parvathi and Raja had got married, per the wishes of Raja's mother. I was truly shocked for an instant hearing this, but soon came to terms with this. There has been a lot of gossip about this- The brother-in-law marrying his older brother's wife who in Hindu culture is reffered to as "Manni" and is considered to be like a second mother. But, apparently Raja's mother made the decision from a practical modern perspective, given the nature of the calamities that has happened and that her 3 grand children are pretty much raised together and that it would be extremely hard for an outsider to come into this and marry either of them without having an ulterior motive of either cheating Parvathi out of her money or Raja by being a cruel mother to his children. It must have taken the old lady a lot of courage to come up with this solution and even harder to convince the two people Parvathi and Raja to agree to this, since both of them had strongly refused to abide by their mother's thought. After a long struggle, looks like she made this happen.
Even so, my heart goes out to Parvathi who even in her second marriage is destined to marry someone with a skin disease. Hope that the society they live in lets them and their children have a smooth life.
* The names of these people from true life have been changed for this post."
As I was walking out of the gym last evening, I noticed a chic looking girl walk past me through the doors. Being sort of a regular at my workout place I am familiar with most faces and was wondering if another new desi member has signed up. As I was staring at her while thinking this to myself, she turned around and said hi. It was not a new member, but someone whom I knew who had gotten a new hairdo.
Having a new hairdo is like having a complete make-over, it is remarkable how someone'e looks change so drastically just with a pair of scissors. Especially, if you've had shoulder length hair that has now been reduced to a sleek close layered cut, the difference is startling. I have come to admire the courageous streak in most women who are bold enough to experiment with their hair.
I come from a traditional family where it was normal to want to have long, braided hair. Seeing my mom who had hair long enough to go past her waist, it was natural for me to want to have long hair. And, over the school and college years, it was painstankingly maintained by using the right oils, herbal and henna treatments, the same shampoo etc. After coming to US, like many others, the change in the water etc. gradually resulted in hair loss, but still, there is enough left over for a braid. A habit that started in the teens, I can hardly let my hair loose or even do a pony tail, it has to be a braid. On my last India trip, a cousin of my husband's remarked that it is nice that being in the US for a few years now, I continue to have reasonably lengthy hair and still braid it, unlike in India where its hard to see folks having long hair these days. She said most people want to go to the parlor or a stylist and then experiment with their tresses- Curling naturally straight hair, using highlights and coloring the hair, gelling them etc. have become the norm of the day. Even my mom, whom I least expected to say, wants me to do away with the tresses and go in for a shorter hairdo. It is the in-thing these days and helps you fit right in at work in a western workplace.
But, I am not ready yet. Seeing how others around me are so bold and free to experiment with their looks, I am so skeptical about this whole concept of getting a shorter haircut. What if I don't like what I see and want all my hair back? What about those efforts and the time it has taken me over the years to maintain the length, is all that a waste if I decide to do away with shorter hair. So, many doubts and fears of having a new hairdo. I indeed applaud the wannabes who have embraced the new styles and made the transition. Maybe, someday, some other time I will be able to take a leap into the shortcut, but until then, the tresses are here to keep and grow.
Recently, I read an article about how people's musical preferences bring out their personalities. Apparently, a study has been conducted by a professor of Herion-Watt University in Scotland to correlate the link between a person and his or her choice of music. There is also an ongoing survey that people can take anonymously on their website http://peopleintomusic.com to know more about how their music interests determine their personality. Some of the questions in this survey are pretty interesting to respond to.
So far, the results based on the responses from people all over the world indicate the following-
Jazz and blues listeners are people with high self-esteem, creative, outgoing, gentle and at ease.
Classical music listeners (includes Indian classical too) are people who also have high self-esteem, creative, but are more shy in nature, not outgoing.
Country and western music listeners are considered hard-working and outgoing.
Reggae listeners are creative but not hardworking, while rap lovers are outgoing.
The research also pointed out an astonishing similarity between classical music listeners and heavy metal fans that they are both creative, but not the outgoing types. Also, the professor has found through his research that those who drive sports cars and have blaring music through their radios, are the ones who are mostly high income folks while the folks who listen to softer, relaxing music are lower down on the income scale.
Now, that the research results are out, it would be good to pause for a moment and think about what type of music each and every one of us listen to and try to understand more about our natures. I think that for most youngsters who get exposed to western music in their teens, a lot of it comes with the crowd that they hang out with. If your friends are talking about a cool band group that does rap or hip-hop, then there is the tendency to get hooked onto that. At college and later years as one matures, one learns to listen to more genres and appreciate the various types of music.
As for as Indian classical carnatic music goes, a great deal of it comes from growing up in a traditional family where music is very much a part of the household. It is only natural for folks who were raised in that environment by hearing their grandmothers and mothers sing become more attuned to that. Also, children growing up in those kinds of households are sent to learn the basics of the swaras etc. from a music teacher at a young age. There are sections of those youngsters who become interested in pursuing the interest as they navigate through school and college, while there are others who drop out after a while.
Whatever be the music you listen to, it is always good to know more about why that particular genre interests you and also help understand yourself better. After all, at the end of a tiring long day, listening to good music is one of the few things that can be soothing and relaxing.
As women, our lives tend to get occupied with work, home life etc. leaving us little or sometimes no time to focus on ourselves. What with the fast-paced lifestyle we lead and having to deal with all the daily stresses that come our way, our well being takes the last priority on a to-do list. By well-being, I am referring to one's physical health. This has been a topic on my mind for a while now.
While some Indian women are born lucky with the "slim gene" embedded in their system, most aren't. So, working out to stay in shape or to shed the accumulated pounds becomes a priority. The weight loss battle seems like a long drawn battle with results that don't show up for a long time. Unlike, doing something that fetches immediate gratification, this is one experiment or process where the outcome does not manifest itself right away. Hence, the motivation to continue on a regimen of exercise and diet is short-lived.
Has any one heard of the term yo-yo dieting? It is when one starts on a quick weight loss diet and then doesn’t exercise, which results in a lowered metabolic rate (your body now burns less calories each day than it did before). You quit your diet. Now, you return to eating as much food (or more—because of a sense of deprivation) as you did before your diet. As a result, you gain weight gain beyond what you previously weighed and the cycle continues....
No, I am not a diet plan, since I enjoy good food and have a weakness for sweets and pastries. So, it is doubly harder for me to fight this battle of trying to lose weight. As my fitness center instructor says, "You didn't gain this weight over night, so you won't lose it over night too."
I am not this huge weight loss advertisement woman trying to come down from a size 20to a size 10, but, I do want to lose the inches. I had a workout routine, but, consistency is what I lack. I thrive on it for some months, then come a cold or a flu and a couple of days to the gym are lost. Slowly, the couple of days becomes a week and I end up feeling like I have lost out on whatever little progress I had made earlier.
Today is Monday, a new week, hoping to get back to the routine again.......
It has been 10 days since my last post, the lack of a post can simply be attributed to just being caught up in the mundane routine of life. Someone once told me that "Work expands to fill available time" and that is just what has been happening to me. There is the usual routine of waking up every day, the commute to work, getting caught up with the emails and projects in the office, plouging through lunch and then back home in the evening. Plans for cooking dinner, grocery shopping, a quick workout (if time permits), catching up on the latest on CNN news from the gustav and hanna hurricanes to the Sarah Palin controversies etc. there seems to be enough things to make the day fly by.
A weekend arrives and with it comes all the other household chores of laundy, ironing, trying out a new recipe, a car wash, more cleaning around the house etc. It just seems that there is always something to do around the house. A friend of mine who has a 1 year old kid was telling me the other day that these days she hardly has time to wash and comb her hair. She is a stay-home mom whose routine is 10 times worse than mine.
The life of a woman seems to be a 24x7 fill of chores and activities. Here in US, it becomes one routine, thankless job of doing everything by yourself. Yes, while we have the husbands and fathers who are more willing to help around the house these days than sitting in front of a TV with a remote forgetting the external world. It seems like many times, we women prefer to do all chores by ourseleves. This is because we strongly feel that a certain job has to be done in a certain way and since we are the ones who can do it perfectly, we prefer to tackle most of the chores by ourselves, but then, end up complaining that "there is no help from the other person."
I guess if most women realized that if they let go of some of their perfectionist way of doing things or didn't end up strightening the things that their spouses or children did, most chores around the house will get done and who knows, we may even have time for a pedicure, a bubble bath and to catch up on reading some novels.
I am an email person- which means just like anybody else I thrive a lot on email for my daily interaction with colleagues at work and with friends and family too. With the latter two now being spread across the globe, this is the only way, besides phone calls, to keep in touch. It is economically not feasible to talk often to every friend you've had from school or college to keep in regular touch. So, email fulfills that need. While several of my friends who live both in the US and outside too, are prompt with responding to emails, some are not.
Life brings about changes, a new job,a hectic job, marriage, kids etc. and I have to keep reminding myself that there are people outside the US who don't check email for several times every single day. One friend of mine who lives in Chettinad, Karaikudi has internet in her chettinad home, but, with two young kids and a busy routine in a joint family household, her emails are restricted to about 4-5 every year. Initially, it was difficult for me to comprehend her life, but, with the passing years, I got used to it. I guess this is because I knew her from college, still meet her when I visit India and am able to sort of come to terms with her email tendencies.
But, what is hard for me to understand is a family member, like a cousin type, who is in the same age group, in fact younger to me, who has no great family commitments, has email access at home and work and lives in another part of the globe who hardly responds to email. When you send her an email, there will be no response from her at all for a week or more. The first few times this happened, being the persuasive type, I even sent her an email asking her if she got my earlier ones. A response with some excuse will come in her own sweet time. After venting about it to K for several times, I still couldn't get this out of my mind. A month or so passes by and I swear to myself that enough is enough, from now on, I will not be the first one to send her an email and then feel this way about it. Exactly a month and a half later, she sends me an email just to catch-up, am definitely plesantly surprised here and reply right away. It has been a few days and again there has been no response from her.
I don't know her as well as I know my friend, and have no idea as to what to make out of her behavior which according to me is definitely odd. Even a blogger from Chennai, whom I know only through the comments on my blog, responds quickly. She is even less communicative if I happen to see her on chat online and over the phone answers to the point, so you kind of get the feeling that she doesn't want to talk much to you. So, what do I assume about this family member from her delayed responses, lack of initiative to converse over the phone etc. No, she can't be that busy to not respond to an email for a week or longer, what kind of a person is she, hmmm..makes me come to all sorts of conclusions.
One more day to go before the long weekend................
Peers are those people who are your age and peer pressure is when they try to influence how you act, to get you to do something etc. While peer pressure can sometimes be postive, most often, it becomes a powerful negative influence in our lives. Enough with the Psychology 101, but moving on...
Especially within the Indian community, while growing up, parents inadvertently compare their kids to their classmates, friends or to the children of other kids, as a result of which, the child tends to imbibe the ways of others around them and lose touch with individuality and originality, in some way or the other.
A good example that started the need for this post, for instance, when I was in my 12th grade, engineering was a mass appeal course that almost every science elective student wanted to pursue. Those who didn't get into engineering colleges, were left with options of B.Sc which was not a happy choice for many. Likewise, the commerce stream had their share of majority students attending the CA foundation classes and doing their B.Com etc. on a part-time basis. Welcome to Peer Pressure world...
Next came, the job market, where, no matter what the undergraduate education has been in, working in IT became a matter of pride and fitting in. Yes, there were others who had made other career choices, but, at what cost.
A parallel stream for those who wished to pursue masters education in abroad followed.
After degrees and jobs, came marriage, the pressure that many of your friends are getting married or have gotten married to eligible suitors while you are still single.
Once that stage has passed and your counter parts have settled in their respective lives either in US or in India, have bought homes etc. it is time for the baby syndrome to sink in.
"XYZ, who is a year younger to you and works in a good position, got married in 2003 and had her first baby in 2006 and is now pregnant with her second one", and where are you in this equation of life. Society, the community, family etc. are more vested to hear that you too are at the right phase in your current life. They seem to view you with pitiful eyes or disdain about your present condition, not once pausing to think that first of all, it is not anybody's business if you haven't found a job yet, or are still single or don't have a baby. Secondly, if you like your life the way it is now and are comfortable with your present status quo, does that make you any less smarter or what? People think that just because you are not part of the band wagon, doing the things that your friends and classmates are doing in their current life, you are losing out on the best things of life- such as career, marriage and having kids.
I have white colleagues at work who get married for the first time at 40 years, I am sure that would be frowned upon by several Indians. Their rationale is that they hadn't met someone whom they liked enough to get married sooner, while that can be considered both a pro and a con, would an Indian woman who marries for the first time at 40 be put to rest by gossip mongers? Well, that is not a great example, since the two cultures breed different mind-sets.
Many of my college mates are already mothers for the first time and it is that time when the rest of the group is beginning to venture into the next stage. Three of my close friends, two from school are pregnant at the same time and a third from college is pregnant with her second one. So, yes, there is a time when your peers are stepping into the next stage of their lives. Let that not force or bog you down to make those decisions that you are not ready to make in your lives.
Enjoy that college life or the early years of working in your first job, hanging out with your colleagues and friends without overly stressing about that next career progression move that you need to make, or enjoy the freedom of blissful single days spending your life as you wish or taking your time to start a family.
My friend Priya sent this forward to me, which I wanted to share on an ending note.
Being a Mum
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."
"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more "spontaneous vacations."
But that is not what I meant at all.
I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her! That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that rest-room. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
I want her to know that a Caesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.
I think she should know that she would fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble they're way into this most wonderful of callings.
Last weekend, K and I made a quick trip to San Diego for a mini vacation. During our stay there, we travelled 30 miles across the Baja California coastline to visit Mexico, a whole different country.
Tijuana, located in the northwest corner of the Mexican Republic, is the first destination that you come across once you cross the US border. Known as one of the the busiest border crossings, no doubt, with the tourist crowd and the local population of Hispanic and Americans, safety is of utmost concern to visitors. Since, we had heard quite some rumors about how unsafe it is to drive into Mexico, we hopped on to a tour bus run by Coach America and decided to sit back and enjoy the experience. Our bus driver was a Mexican who spoke fairly good English and throughout the day we were able to get a taste of how life in Mexico was.
We made a stop at the Rosarito Beach Hotel, 19 miles from Tijuana which has some great beaches and is a nice resort for water sports and horseback riding. Close to that is the Mexican counter part of Universal studios that displayed the ships that were were used during the shooting of Titanic and Pirates of Carribean movies.
Our final destination was Ensenada, located 70 miles from the border. Ensenada is a small seaport city on the shore of the "Todos Santos bay" where we had some authentic Mexican food and margaritas.
Some snap shots taken during our day in Mexico-
Apparently, you can take the trolley to the border in San Diego and walk across this sign to enter Mexico. There is no security check or any kind of surveillance when you enter the country. It is when you come back to the US, that you need a valid visa to enter the country and you will be questioned. The largest flag of Mexico, 150 meters long proudly displayed. The Mexican army apparently patrols the streets. We learnt that drinking on the street in Mexico or carrying an open container in Tijuana are considered public intoxication and illegal. This is how a dentist office looks from the streets of Ensenada. Shopping in Tijuana is a tourist trap- they have authentic leather and great silver jewellery. Did you notice the Mexican STOP sign?
The Baja coastline would have looked better on a less foggy morning. Do you recognize this ship- it was used in the Pirates of the Carribean movie. Rosarito, a place for beaches The Rosarito beach hotel that faces the beach.
Vising Mexico is a different experience altogether. When you think of US on one side of the border that is prosperity at its best, Mexico comes across as a cheaper version. Real estate- luxury resorts and condominums are rapdily coming up, built by US moguls on the highways lining the beaches, tourism and shopping add to the thriving economy here. Of course, if you are someone who loves to know the origin of Tequila shots, enjoy varieties of margaritas and like to spend your vacation lazing around the beach with a cocktail in your hand, Mexico is the place.
With the Indian Independence day approaching, wanted to pen down my thoughts on the changes that women (being the feminist that I am) in India have gone through.
There was a time when women's successes were measured by their being an efficient wife, a loving mother and caretaker to the other members of the household. Besides this role, came the added responsbility of how she was viewed in the eyes of the society- meaning did she have the right kind of attitude towards earning and self-reliance, did she hand over her earnings to the male head of the family without personal savings, did she carry out the honor of the family by following religious beliefs and adhere to cultural traditions etc. An unmarried woman after a certain age, a broken marriage or a woman unable to have a child were all measures of how successful a woman's performance in life was, unlike a male whose life in most of these scenarios remains untainted.
With globalization in the changing times, Indian women have broken the glass ceiling (in corporate environments) and are changing their behaviors and value systems. Today, women are willing to make sacrifices for the sake of their careers and are doing a fairly successful job of balancing both family and career lives. I guess this is also part of a free and independent progessive India that was the vision of several freedom fighters and thinkers.
Here are some women, who, in my eyes, are truly successful in their roles and responsibilities and serve as inspirational role models for the rest of us.
Kalpana Chawla, a NASA astronaut who made a mark in history by rocketing into space. Coming from a traditional family in Karnal, India she pursued her ambition amidst all obstacles and came to US to study aerospace engineering (MS and PhD) and advanced her career by starting out at NASA. She married an American Jean Pierre Harrison and continued to pursue the skies. Unfortunately, her life ended on Space shuttle Columbia in 2003 prior to the landing. A daring Indian woman whose aspirations were sky rocketing is worth remembering at this time.
Sudha Narayanamurthy, known to many as the wife of Infosys founder Narayanamurthy is a blend of the educationalist com social reformer. An avid writer and a full-time social worker contributing to the upliftment of several villages in rural India through the Infosys Foundation. Besides, being the founder trustee for the organization, she has been instrumental in bringing about true change in the lives of children for their education and in providing medical assistance to the poor. An IISC Bangalore graduate who has really made a difference in the current India.
Visaka Hari is a popular harikatha exponent reciting sangeetha upanyasam (musical discourse) of various Indian epics. She is the daughter-in-law of Sri Krishna Premi Anna of Paranur and married his first son Sri Hari Anna. Visaka who is an all Indian rank holder in her Charted Accountancy exams has dedicated her life to pursue her passion of spreading beautiful, melodious harikatha discourses to audiences in India and abroad. Her traditional attire in nine-yards sari, simplicity and the way with which she narrates stories that captivates her audience, be it a small child to an old man, marks her identity as a cultural ambassador for South Indian heritage. She is truly divinity personified at its best.
All these women are exceptional in their own way and have created a niche in today's independent India. I would be happy to hear some of your favorite Indian women, who you feel have made a difference in your lives.
Abhinav Bindra makes India proud by winning the the first individual gold medal for 10 meters rifle shooting. Bindra at the age of 25 has not only created an Olympian achievement for himself, but has also set the standards for a generation that can now dare to hope for achievement more strongly. While India has scraped 8 gold medals for field hockey, Bindra was the first Indian to win his country an individual gold medal.
At the inaugral ceremonies of the Olympics on Friday, Indian athletes walked in their sharwani clothes acknowledging the cheers from the audience. The announcer was saying how India whose population has exceeded China has won only less than 10 medals during the past years, while China has not only amazed the world by putting up such a spectacular opening of the 2008 Summer Oylmpics, but also proudly competes with the US in almost every sport and rivals its medal tally. As you can see, China has thoroughly trained and prepared well for this event. Their hardwork and the pride with which they are hosting this event shows through.
Sports and athletics in India lack the importance that is given to it unlike in some other countries. This is because from a young age, when children start playing or spend too much time outdoors playing, not all parents encourage or welcome it. Most of them reprimand their kids and ask them to quit playing and focus on studying and getting good grades. As a result, there are fewer number of Leander Pears, Mahesh Bhoopathy, Prakash Padkone, Narain Karthikeyan and Abhinav Bindra's created. So, how can we complain that India sends lesser number of athletes to compete at the Olympic level? Also, sports such as shooting, tennis etc. are all considered affluent people's sports and yes, require spending lots of money to get a professional trainer/coach, getting the required gear, equipment, etc. Also, do we have the Bill Bellicheck, Phil Jackson like pro-coaches and trainers to mould our athletes, even if we have such talent, could we afford to pay them to keep them. With so many cons on our side, we can hardly hope for better performances at the Olympics.
But, with Abhinav Bindra's victory in shooting, there is some hope for the athletically inclined Indian youngsters to dream big and draw inspiration to work towards those lofty goals.
Bindra makes one and every Indian proud and happy with his individual achievement.
While there are many forms of communication and different ways to talk to people, I've come to realize that being a sweet-talker can take you a long way both in professional and home life. It is ironical for me to write about this, since I am known for my quick temper and am definitely not sleek with the tongue either. But, I've recognized that in my work life, if I am looking to make a career out of my job, there is surely a lot more needed to grow and succeed, besides just being good at what you do.
It doesn't stop with being nice to your colleagues and boss, nor does it end with networking. In a profession that is all about managing people, one has to learn to become a social,networking bee. As a senior colleague of mine put it, "You have to come out of your shell, go beyond your comfort zone, do something bold and daring to make people take note of you." She was saying that how at one point in her career, it took her 10 months to muster the courage to approach the Director of Sales, (for example, assume she is a Sales Manager who wants to get promoted to the next level) to ask if she would go out for lunch with her. She took a bold step, came out of her comfort zone and after that meeting, which she said went great, her view of the Sales Director changed completely. During that lunch, she talked to the Director about next career moves, got her advise on what she needs to do to get into a higher level etc. Lo and behold,a few months later she got that next promotion which was lined up for a bunch of successful Sales Managers. Amongst, all of them, who were well qualified and interviewed for the position, my senior colleague was offered the position.
In a country where we are still an immigrant, it not only is enough if you work twice as harder as your white colleague, but, it is also vital to do that sweet-talk, which unlike any other form of expression, is the most effective tool in getting what you want. I am not saying that one has to be a sucker-up to their boss or their big boss to get a promotion, but, one must know how to use that charming personality that is hidden deep down within us and market ourselves with that quiet confidence. Yes, everyone is qualified, everyone has years of experience, is hard working etc. but do you have what it takes to go that extra mile by shedding your innate nature and becoming more social.
I am going to try my best to practise that in my professional life, though, this seems like the most daunting thing I've had to do so far. And, it is not easy for me either. While, I am quite the talker at home and with friends, it is the other way around at work, where my talking skills are toned down to a minimal level, in fact, too low to get noticed.
I am sure that writing a post isn't going to make me change my personality at work overnight to become a social gossip, but, atleast, it has got me started thinking about what skills I need to have to get into the next level.
Rukku patti is 80 years old. Her story is similar to some other aging people, but is also different in its own way. Her husband passed away a few years ago. From the time she got married as a young girl, she lived with her husband in some places in North India and eventually came back to Chennai. Her husband didn't earn a steady income due to lack of being in one job for a significant amount of time. As a result, she always had to manage with the meager earnings and did a commendable job running the household on that. Sadly, she and her husband didn't have any children. Over the years, one of her sisters who was wealthy enough to own a posh house in Chennai, allowed her and her husband to live in a small side portion of the house for free. The portion consisted of a small room with a small kitchen and a bathroom outside behind the well of the house. Rukku patti was a strong-willed woman, she was very religious, had her daily routine carved out (visiting the Mupathamma temple and reading Lalitha Sahasranamam were part of that routine) and was a good wife who cared for her husband taking care of him in his old days.
Rukku patti and her sister weren't always on the best of terms. It was always a challenge for the two old women to get along and each of them, though living without their husbands in the same house, but in different portions, lead their lives separately. Rukku patti's sister's son and his wife and daughter lived in their own house within the same compound wall behind their house. The sister's son and daughter-in-law took tremendous care of Rukku patti and also financially supported her. After the death of her husband a few years ago, her health started failing her slowly, but steadily. Several slips in the bathroom, tripping while walking etc. led to her being diagnosed as having acute osteoporosis which cannot be cured given her age. Her mobility was restricted to having a walker around the house. Her most recent fall in the bathroom, led her to the hospital where she has been for the past 20 days. She is unable to walk anymore. Her sister's son and daughter-in-law who are also older people in their 60's with their own health issues attended to her sanitary needs during this condition and literally took care of her like a child. There are adult diapers, each diaper costs Rs. 270 or more which are used, since even the hospital staff prefer to use this rather than having a bedpan and also given the patient's age and inability to hold. But, given all practical situations, she cannot function independently once she returns from the hospital and it has become most difficult for those around her to continue to help her on a daily basis with basic life functions.
As a result, her sister's son under who has become the primary caretaker consulted with her brothers who are also older people and the rest of her family and has decided to admit her in an old age home. The monthly expenses for the home will be paid primarily by the sister's son and the other family members will also pitch in. It is not an easy task finding an old age home in Chennai these days, most homes admit people with several conditions, one of them being, the person must be independently able to walk to the bathroom, dining area etc. It is so hard to get a hired helper to attend 24/7 on one aging adult, when they have a home full of old people in different stages and conditions. Not to mention that the monthly charges and non-refundable fees are also expensive and additional charges must be paid if a helper is needed.
Rukku paati will be going to a home several miles away from Tambaram on Monday. She is my paati's sister and my parents are the one who have been helping her. I talked to her on the phone at the hospital yesterday and she was courageous to tell me no to worry about her going to a home and fully believed that she is grateful for the support and help my parents have been doing for over the past 30 years and realizes that she can't be a burden to them anymore.
But, it is indeed sad for both my parents and me to see her go. She was part of the home I grew up in and often always had a quick hot tiffin for me in the afternoons and was another paati to me, though I call her Rukku chitti, just like my dad. She would never be without giving me some small money gift on special festivals and occasions telling me that this was what she could afford and I should save it up and buy one dress and tell her that i got a dress with the money she gave me. Sitting in a far away country, all I can do is to think about those memories and tell my dad that I too will help pitch in for her old age home costs, just like the rest of the family.
I only wish and pray that Rukku paati has a smooth transition and continues to live the rest of her life with the pride, strong-will and dignity that she always kept.
Usha of Veg Inspirations tagged me. According to her tag the rules are as follows:
"At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 or 6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read my blog". Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answers."-
1. What was I doing ten years ago?
Successfully completed first year of Electronics and Instrumentation Engineering at an all-girls college in Chennai. Was enjoying my college life like crazy.
2. Five things on Today's "To do" list
Get through this dull Friday afternoon at work. Goto Curves. Decide if dinner is at home or go out. Complete The Mistress of Spices novel. Try to end arguement with spouse.
3.I am addicted to :
Checking email every 5 minutes or so and wondering why someone didn't reply to my email promptly Worrying about small things Desserts and sweets Illayaraja's music Harry Potter books
4.Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
a) Build 2 dream houses, one in Chennai and one in Cupertino b) Start my own HR consulting business c) Travel to the world wonders d) Live life like royalty, sigh...............
5. Places i have lived:
T.Nagar, Chennai. Worcester and Wayland, Massachusetts. Sunnyvale and Santa Clara, California.
Magic Lamp of Luck - The mighty Genie King and the beautiful Genie Princess from the magical Land of Faraway are back! Upon escaping the clutches of their Evil Master after being held captive for 1000 years, the magical genies have been busy flying on their Magical Flying Carpet, granting wishes and spreading love throughout the blogosphere.And now, the genies are back with a special gift for everyone! Behold the sacred, Magic Lamp of Luck! With this magic lamp, your blog will enjoy much good luck and fortune, warding off all things evil lurking around in the blogosphere.
We would like to share this magic lamp with you so please pass on the Magic Lamp of Luck to those in need of some good luck. Remember, do not be greedy or unkind, evil or vengeful and good luck & fortune will always be with you! Join us on another exciting magical adventure as we spread goodwill and good luck to one and all!
1. Add your site(s) to the list once you have received the Magic Lamp of Luck. 2. Pass on the Magic Lamp of Luck to as many people as you like. After all, everyone needs some good luck! 3. Leave a comment HERE once you’ve passed on the Magic Lamp of Luck. Once the Genie King and Genie Princess have visited your site to make sure your links are complete and proper, you will then be added to the Master List. 4. To ensure everyone receives equal link benefit, please UPDATE your list regularly!
I would like to pass this magic lamp of luck to all my blog readers and feel free to pursue this tag trail, if you are interested.
Tag 2- The Song Tag
Bavani of The Journey of Life has tagged me. Here are the tag rules-
1. Choose a song that describes/represents “you” and post it on your blog. You can add a story to it if you want.
I thought about this for a long time and can't seem to find one song that would describe me the best, I have pieces from song picturization and lyrics that I relate to at different times in my life. Illyaraja's music is my greatest salvation and while there are numerous songs of his that I am crazy about, I have always loved his "How to Name It" and "Nothing But Wind" albums.
The first one is an instrumental fusion album. The tracks how many ever times I listen to, woo me into their music and my mood changes with this background score. I love the tracks that are used in the movies Mouna Raagam and Veedu.
Song : Illayaraja's How to Name It
Tag Completed....feel free to take it up if you would like to share the song that best describes you.
Where is Ethiopia and what kind of food do they eat there were questions that were on my mind before K and I decided to try out this Ethiopian restaurant called Zeni in San Jose last Friday night. While we entered the restaurant at 7:15 and found that the place was a small, 2 roomed restaurant that (resembled a fast food place) had a combination of Ethiopian cultural seating arrangements on one room and regular tables on the other room. While there were 4 other couples waiting before us to be seated, we thought we should get a table in 30 minutes. But, we weren't seated until almost 8:00 or later, a good 45 minute wait time. While we were waiting, we noticed that the food was taking time to be delivered to the tables, causing the diners to linger more at their tables and hence a longer wait time.
We observed that the people who dined were mostly Ethiopians and extremely tall folks and several Indians were also present. I guess the reason for that would be that the menu had several vegetarian options and once we tasted the food, our suspicions were confirmed.
We started with the sambussa appetizer (which is a combination of samosa and puff) that was hot and tasted delicious with the spicy sauce that accompanied it. While, the main entree comprised of vegetarian dishes like Gomen Kitfo, Yemisir Wot, Kik Alticha, Ye-timatim fitfit, foule etc. Sound like gibberish? Well, all of them fortunately had explanations in English as to what the constitutents of the dish were and while I ordered the Yemisir Wot which is a pureed split red lentil dish cooked in a spicy sauce, K sampled the Atakilt Wot which was a curry comprised of boiled cabbage, carrot and potatoes. Both our dishes complimented well with each other and were served on a giant size dosa like dish called Injera which they say is a thousand year old Ethiopian unleaved bread. The only thing that I disliked was the waitress served both our curries on the same giant injera and K and I had to tear the bread and eat off of the same big plate, not the most hygienic eating practice.
The restaurant had a key board player who played some great tunes in the background which complimented the eating experience. The restaurant owner an Ethiopian dude came around most tables enquiring about the quality of the food etc. and also sold some of the dosa (injera bread) to folks who raved about its taste.
Zeni is a moderatly priced cuisine that caters to the Indian taste buds thoroughly.
Most Indians can relate to the first part of the post. If you are born in India or an Indian born and raised in the US, you will surely have atleast heard or had an arranged marriage. India is still one of those countries that has the record high of arranged marriages, no surprises there, though the divorce rate is also slowly, but steadily creeping up in present times. What with the advent of outsourcing, BPO's, women working night shifts and having higher education and more financial independence, along with which comes lesser tolerance to put up with crap from a male dominated society, divorce is also happening more commonly these days amongst Indians.
In my grandmother's generation, she got married as a child at 11 without even seeing my grandfather, the wedding was arranged by the families and they've been happily married for 50 plus years. In my mother's time, she went through the bride seeing process and ended up marrying my father whom she saw briefly for 10 minutes before a group of relatives and my parents have been happily married for 25 years or so. Growing up in India and having come to US for a masters education unmarried, I knew that I didn't have a choice to date (given that my folks had a lot of trust on me that I would go the arranged marriage way). Thanks to all the horrors of horoscope matching, the filtering process etc. I ended up marrying K, the first guy whom I met, though we definitely interacted a lot more than my mother and grandmother ): before making the decision.
I am sure that there may be others who have gotten married the arranged way, others who were lucky enough to marry the person they fell in love with etc.
Has anyone heard of the term "open marriage". The first time I heard it was yesterday morning when I was driving to to the train station to get to work, on the Don Blue show in FM 101.3 when they talked about how the actor Will Smith revealed that he and his wife Jada Pinkett-Smith have an open marriage. Apparently, open marriage means when you tell your spouse that you want to sleep around with someone else. It seems that honesty is the basis of this relationship where in the couple are honest with one another in expressing their attractions to someone else and then ask the other partner if they are okay with them sleeping with someone else. Will was quoted saying that he wasn't sure of his reactions on how he would respond to Jada's question if she wanted to have an affair, but, he thought that she should okay his intention. Given that Jada is being given honesty about his actions first from him rather than hearing it from the tabloids or someone else.
Folks listening to the radio were asked to call in to voice their opinion on the open marriage concept. While, I personally feel that the open marriage fluff stuff will fly only for movie stars and those type of people where morals are defined differently. Even, the most liberal person who is open to gay and lesbian relationships would want to have their partner exclusive to themselves all the time. One of the callers was saying that it doesn't make a wrong doing right if you confess about doing the wrong thing.
Given the background from where I come from, this seemed like an interesting thing to blog about.
SIFA is Bay Area's leading organization that promotes South Indian classical music, both vocal and instrumental music and also classical dance Bharathnatyam. Thanks to the SIFA committee and volunteers who manage to bring great artists from India every year during the summer season to perform for the huge desi population.
Sudha Ragunathan, one of the leading singers of Carnatic music, performed at the India Communicy Center auditorium in Milpitas last evening. The concert scheduled to start at 4:00, began at 4:30 and the crowd that thronged the entrance to the hall with the packed parking lot was an indicator of Sudha's popularity in the Bay Area. It has become a tradition to have Sudha sing in the Bay Area every year. She started off with a Jalajakshi varnam that proceeded with an invocation to Lord Ganesha. A unique feature in Sudha's concerts are that she provides a brief introduction on the song that she is about to render in her meliflous English. She also took the opportunity to welcome the Bay Area audience. I wouldn't want to forget to mention the fact that Sudha's jewellery and traditional pattu sarees add more beauty to the concert. I've always loved the accessories that she wears and found that her website has a tab dedicated to her wardrobe collection of sarees, must check out- http://www.sudharagunathan.com/photogal_view.asp?PGID=3
She sang and she sang alapanai after alapanai with the clock ticking away and it was almost 7:30 (she had sung for 3 hours). Meanwhile, requests for favorite renditions from the audience started coming to the stage and with her pleasing smile, Sudha said that she would either sing Ragam Tanam Pallavi (RTP) or change the course of the concert with the audience requests. While, the RTP calls were heard louder than the others, she proceeded to dedicate a 45 minute to prove her skill and musical prowess.
While, I have a strong preference to hear more kritis and thukdas sung in the latter half of a good kutcheri, I guess it was hard for me to sit through the elaborate RTP, while I kept thinking how many beautiful thukdas she could have sung. After RTP, she moved on to Marukelara, Kanda Naal Mudhal, Vishamakara Kannan, Brahmam Okate (that had the audience clapping their hands), Chinnan Chiru Kileye Kanamma etc. I loved the tamil songs, expecially the new ones that she sang with so much spirit.
I had to leave towards the end of the concert during the Vote of Thanks, since didn't want to get caught in the crowds trying to pull out of the parking lot after the concert. But, even then, it lasted for 4 hours. I don't think that kutcheris in Chennai are sung this long, but, given that this is a once in a year opportunity, Sudha truly sang for her fans.
On the drive back home, memories of concerts that I used to go with my dad in Krishna Gana Sabha and Vani Manal during my school and college years came back and how I wish I could spare the time or turn the clock to relive those days again.
I have two articles/news items that I wanted to share through this post. The first one is an interview from my school buddy who lives in Dubai and works as a Project Coordinator for the British Council in UAE. She was interviewed by a journalist for The National (www.thenational.ae) and had her interview published in the "This much I know" column for their Arts and Life section. The article titled "There's no point in worrying" gives her take on life, work etc. in Dubai and when she sent me a scanned copy of the article this morning, I felt so proud of her.
While, most people have different faces, one at home/family and the other for their work/public life, what I truly like about my friend is that she is just one true face to all who know her. Her interview was as open and frank as her nature is and reading through her interview made me feel that this is one girl who hasn't changed since her school days. I am so happy for her success and accomplishments and wish her the very best in professional and family life.
The second news item is about a Calcutta whiz high school student Rik Sengupta who has got admissions into 7 top US universities along with stunning scholarships. He got into Yale, Caltech, MIT, Duke,Williams College, Amherst College and Princeton for his undergraduate education. My parents sent me an article on his achievments that was recently published in Times of India. The article can be read at- (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/3115561.cms )
Rik's SAT and TOEFL scores were jaw dropping, not to forget his extra-curricular talents and achievements. We hear of high achivers here and there, but, this is one Indian boy who has truly proven his credentials and made us all proud.
While I googled his name, Rik's blog http://thethirteenthdimension.blogspot.com showed up and I asked him if it would be okay for me to write about his accomplishments in my blog, for which he willingly agreed.
Thank you Rik and wishing you the very best in your educational pursuits at Princeton.
There are indeed high achivers around us that we often come across and wish that more of us could be like them.
Born and rasied in Chennai, now California waasi. Between keeping a job that involves people management and being a mother to a toddler life is constantly challenging and changing.
