Mitr's Ideas from Bay Area

A Milestone Year

2010-04-14T11:52:00.000-07:00

After almost a year of being away from active blogging, I finally forced myself to post something on what has been a milestone year in my life during the past months.

A lot has happened and I wonder where to begin. The biggest and life changing event was that I had a baby during the summer last year. A baby boy! His entry into my life, just like any other mother's, has been wonderful, rewarding and a lot of work. I stopped working for a while and life became a rhythmic routine of feedings, diaper changes and sleepless nights. The parental/in-laws coverage and help lasted for the initial months and time took a new dimension afterwards.

The monotony of the daily chores and the worries of not being able to find a suitable position in an economy where the unemployment rate was over 10%, had me job hunting during the times when I should have either caught up on sleep or spent more time enjoying my lil K. Nevertheless, I ended up finding a job within the same field. If life was busy with an infant before, it got crazier, it still is. Most days it feels like the Kamal song in Avvai Shanmughi, one man donning several roles and doing multiple things and going to bed at 3 am. What with a new job that was demanding and with the parents returning to India, we ended up sending lil K to daycare. As simple as it sounds, trying to summarize all this in a sentence only dimishes the days and nights of emotional turmoil that most working women go through, the decisions about what could be the best possible childcare arrangement and the feelings of guilt that accompany the decision, no matter what.

Well,I guess that is the update for one post. With so many things happening so fast in life, every day during the past year, I've wanted to write, but just couldn't get to it, mainly due to lack of time. Want to start a separate blog on motherhood and babies (nothing unique there), want to write about all the milestones, the joys, fears, Q&As about babies etc. Maybe, I will get to it someday in the near future. Want to write about working moms, non working moms, spouses who help and who don't, about babies and their evolving selves, about a generation of parents living in India who are caught between taking care of their older parents versus helping out their sons and daughters with their kids here in the US, about the biggest decision that every Desi living in the US faces at some point in their life- whether to go back to India or settle down here etc. and a million other topics that whiz past me in the day to day living. Until then, I hope to use this blog to express myself. Finally, want to thank all the blogger pals who have dropped into this space with your comments and still make enquiries about my whereabouts. I will catch up on my blog reads whenever possible.

Hasn't 2009 been a milestone year and 2010 seems to be flying more quickly.

Happy Tamil New Year!

Reaching the Five Year Landmark

2009-06-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

Yet another summer morning with the Californian sun is here, it is a regular week day, but, still, in my mind, this is a special day. Not because another year has passed by and we've completed yet another anniversary, but, because today we've reached a small milestone- five years of marriage.

Ours was an arranged marriage and with every passing year we've embraced our share of differences, created memories, shared secrets and learned to respect and love each other. When I flip through old emails and see the one that has a picture of him that I first saw, it brings a smile to my face. I still remember our first meeting, the words exchanged, the glances that crept across the room and the conversations that followed. There is definitely something romantic about marrying the first guy who officially comes to see you.

As the years pass by, and we build a life together, I watch our relationship take its own shape and form. Every happening and life's events brings us more closer and makes us feel more appreciative of the blessings we have.

With renewed vigor and enthusiasm, I look forward to the years ahead, with him by my side, holding my hand, as we step into the next phase in our lives.

Happy Anniversary.....

Perfect Mate By Karl Fuchs

After many years of trying
To be the perfect mate,
You've still keep up the effort,
And that's why you're so great.

My love for you keeps growing,
With each year that goes past;
The enjoyable times I spend with you
Are really quite a blast!

The Seed of Jealousy

2009-05-20T09:59:00.000-07:00

Pic: Courtesy google image

As someone once told me, "Life is a like a train journey, you will meet new people and you will say goodbye to old friends, as and when the train passes through each station". I did not fully comprehend the meaning of this, until more recently. There was a time in my life, during school and college years when my life would revolve around friends. Like many others, I was part of a group of girls (having studied in an all girls school and college) and we would spend most of our time, both in and outside school/college hanging out with the others, spending hours together chatting on the phone, going out to see movies, shopping or simply just camping out at another girl's house on the pretext of doing combined/group studies.

As life moved on and with it came higher education, jobs and marriages that took us to different destinations, the day to day communication and face to face meetings became impossible. Slowly, our contacts dwindled to staying in touch via email and catching up on instant messenger when the varying time zones made it possible to happen. As the years moved on and life's routine and demands of a family, career etc. took over, it became evident as to which friends took the extra time to even do that minimal email and stay in touch. The best analogy I can think of is how a filter functions by filtering the unwanted particles and gives you a clear solution. The more times the filtration process happens, the more clearer and purer is the resulting solution. A group of 20 friends from college slowly dwindled down to 5 friends over the years. Amongst those 5 friends, especially, amongst the girls (a separate post will be done on the male friendships), as the years grow by and parallel lives emerged, comparisons and petty jealousies became inevitable.

I've always wondered why is it that girl roomates don't get along and have problems or issues with their companions, unlike guys, who hardly have any issues, even when they have more than 2 or 3 roomates sharing a place. The answer is simple, though jarring to admit, being a girl- girls are picky about most things, petty about sharing stuff and unadjustable and inflexible in many ways. Even if two best friend girls share a room, at some point, issues will crop up due to comparisons (what she has is better and so much good than what I have) and as a result the feeling of jealousy springs up and slowly the friendship starts falling apart. I maybe so biased, but, rarely, have I seen two guy pals who whine, complain and compare that one has a better job, better looks, a better life etc.

Why is it that the female population slowly degrades when they allow the seed of jealousy to take over their friendhips etc. If you believe in karma, than, your life has already been determined by your kismat and the good deeds that you perform will surely bring about good results. What you sow, is what you reap! Then, why allow petty comparisons starting from the car you own to the house you have to the gender of the baby you have and on and on take over your emotional intelligence and cause so much of negativity in your heart. Nothing positive is going to come out of this experience. I am not trying to pick on the girl friends, but there are even sisters, who compare and contrast all the things they each have in their lives. It will be helpful to keep in mind that rarely does any woman have it all. Every person has their own share of joys, sorrows and baggage to deal with in life. While, for some the complaining and whining makes it sound more evident, for, others dealing with life as such makes it a lot more easier.

Phew......putting all those feelings in words was exhausting......until the next post, keep in touch with your girl friends and stay positive and be cheerful, after all, being a girl is so much more fun in many ways.

The ABCs of a Hindu Ceremony in US

2009-05-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

The last couple of weeks have been exhausting,to say the least. We organized and hosted a traditional and religious ceremony at our place. This was not our first time doing a religious ceremony in the US, but, nevertheless, the scope of the event turned out to be larger than expected. Of course, it was my choice to have it this way and I shouldn't be complaining. But, putting together the whole event drove some simple home truths into the mind.

First of all, in order to perform a hindu puja or a ritual or a homam, a lot of prep work goes into effect atleast a few days in advance to the event. This is true, no matter in which part of the world the event happens. When growing up in a traditional brahmin household in India, a religious event happens atleast every fortnight, be it the simple amavasya "tharpanam" for which the vaathiyar (priest) comes home or the more elaborate varalakshmi viratham for which also the vaathiyar comes home. Vadai and payasam and more varieties of delicacies are prepared from the start of dawn. Until now, when I had to organize a function/puja at my house, I hadn't realized how a lot of things have been taken for granted. Back in India, i used to sit in front of the TV or try all sorts of means to escape from helping poor mom in the kitchen. Here, even though, I had some family and well wishers pitching in to help, I still had to make sure everyone knew where things were in my kitchen and had to do a lot of the logistics.

The second part of the organizing and planning is for the ritual itself. Buying the necessary puja items and arranging them prior to the day of the function was the most time consuming and tedious project ever. I can now fully appreciate the efforts that my dad put in every time before we had a puja at home to go to the market to buy all the stuff. Inspite of living within walking distance to Indian stores, it still isn't the most easiest task cut out.

Another thing that I noticed about these festive/religious events is the people. What makes a simple puja/ritual complete is the people who dress up in traditional attire and show up for such functions. It takes the rich silk sarees, jewellery that is not worn on normal days and the fresh jasmine flowers (yes, we got home grown jaathi malli as its the season here in Bay Area) to bring the cultural aspect of the event to its fullest.

Last, but not the least, is the religious significance of the whole ceremony. It is one thing to have an Indian priest who drives a C-class mercedes come and perform the puja. Hindu priests are in a lucrative business big time nowadays. They may not make the pay that your typical software engineer does, but, nevertheless, their income level is closely comparable. Being an Indian priest, more importantly, in a place like California, where the desi population is abundant, the demands on their services are pretty high. Not only do they charge exhorbitant fee for their services, but, also get mileage reimbursement, hidden fee during the ritual itself saying that it will be given to God X in India (goes straight into the pocket of the priest, not the God) and also take with them the leftover stuff after the puja.

The sanctity and true significance of the ceremony are sadly lost in the stark comemrcialism and business needs of these priests. I maybe biased if I state that all Indian priests are like that, but, honestly, the majority of them fall under that category and hence even the few ones that want to be sincere and genuine need to modify their ways in order to make a livelihood and to stay in business.

All said and done, as long as our belief system is still ritual based and we fear that some ill fortune may fall upon us if we don't adhere to those practices, the trend of priests exploiting us will continue. Of course, it takes a tough mindset to shed those beliefs or even question them(especially if you've grown up with them) and to embrace the idea that God will bless us no matter whether we follow these religious rituals or not and that true faith and belief in God alone is enough to carry us through life.

Deferred Gratification

2009-04-30T08:54:00.000-07:00

There are days when I stare out of my office window thinking about all the changes that are happening in my world and how at one time I used blogging as an active sounding board to write about stuff. These days, there is no dearth of topics to write about, but, the expressions have reached a stumbling block. Nevertheless, I hope to overcome this phase and start being able to express myself again more freely.

Over the course of months, I've had some exposure to learning few of life's valuable lessons. Yes, this post is taking a philosophical tone. I am a long term planner for the most part (meaning I plan my vacations, life changes, goals etc) for atleast a year or more into the future. I plan my weekly lunches and dinner and cook accordingly. I love a routine and try to stick with it as much as possible. I even have to know the storyline and ending of a movie before watching it, no element of unplanned surprises for me, if I can help it. But, I guess life doesn't always work that way for everybody. Things change, situations out of the ordinary crop up and you have to deal with the issue at hand.

One of the recent learnings that I gathered about myself is that I don't know what it is to defer gratification. I guess I am not alone in that respect. In today's busy and stressful world, everybody wants everything now, or atleast most people do. Starting with on-demand programming, instant ready to eat meals, instant messengers...the list is endless. Wanting it is in itself so bad, but, wanting it right NOW makes it ten times worse. There are many things in our lives that we bought on an impulse, ranging from a small thing like a pretty top to a major thing like a sports car. Of course the top that seemed pretty to you initially, doesn't sustain your interest for a long time and goes into the closet, along with the plenty of other items that would fall into the category "I just had to have it." The sports car would probably have been used for a more longer period of time (probably a few years) and then you realize that it is not practical anymore for your growing family and that you need to trade it in to buy a van.

When someone told me that delaying gratification isn't just a money principle, but is a "life principle", it felt like a light bulb went on in my head. Think about it. Which tastes better? Something cooked in the microwave in 10 minutes or in the stove. Hopefully, you said the stove as you pull your frozen food from the microwave!

I guess that by learning to delay gratification in life, a lot of success can be achieved in the longer term. There is a saying in tamil that my mom uses a lot when she talks to me, "Poruthar bhoomi aalwar", meaning the one with patience will rule the world.

Until the next post, which I hope to write soon......

Random Thoughts (RT)

2009-04-10T08:34:00.000-07:00

Courtesy: Google Images

Considering that this blog has slowly dipped to the point of being updated once a month or so, nevertheless this is still in existence.

RT1:
Kal Penn quits acting (for now) and accepts a role as the Associate Director in the White House office of public liaison. I am happy for him and also sort of relieved that there will be no more sequels to Harold and Kumar, watched the Guantanamo bay version on big screen and thought it was gross to a large extent.

RT2: Working long hours doesn't guarantee job protection, but has become a way of survival in the US. A year when most companies have hiring freezes, no salary increases, no bonus programs etc. one must feel that they are lucky to have a job for the moment to take care of the bills. It's scary to hear stories from the Indian community in the valley of shootings, suicides etc. due to job losses, stock market crashes and home prices falling.

RT3:

Isn't going to one temple and praying to one God reap the same benefits as going to 10 temples and praying to multiple dieties? Its nice that Hinduism has so many Gods that we can choose to pray based on our needs and preferences, but still, the destination at the end of the journey is the same. I hope that this thought stays clear in my mind.

RT4: Why do the Chinese have a name in their native dialect, but then use an English name for all purposes. I recently read the basketball player Yao Ming's english name is Fred.

RT5:

With that, have a "good" Friday and a great easter weekend.

Horror Flicks

2009-03-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

Picture: Courtesy google image

The recently released tamil movie, Yaavarum Nalam had me thinking about this genre of films. I am one of those people whose tolerance to watching blood shed and scary thrillers is absolutely minimal or even none. I can't bear to watch the level of violence that is depicted these days in movies. A nice comedy film or a romantic story or a feel good theme are the kinds of movies and shows that I can take.

Why don't I like horror and violence flicks? The answer is simple, they are not just scary, but also bring about loads of negativity. Aren't we scared about enough elements in life already to not get sucked into watching something that makes your nerves creepy. Despite the censorship in these kinds of films, there is still a lot that can be left to the imagination. Is this form of entertainment educative or productive to our minds?

A friend of mine who loves watching late night horror shows on TV and such movies told me that watching such cutting edge thrillers make her adrenaline pumping faster and keeps her going. The same friend thinks differently now that she has a young child in her house and says that it is detrimental for her kid to watch such things and become fearful of evil things etc.

Movies like Excorcist and the like are truly bone chilling and blood curling, but don't carry a theme or a positive message. Sometimes, a good thriller movie comes along, but that too, depends upon the health condition and age of the person watching it. A person who is prone to have hypertension or gets agitated easily would still find it unwise to spend time watching such elements.

As for me, just the scary factor and the hype associated with these shows and movies is enough to keep me away from them.

So, are you someone who has it in you to watch the horror genre or do you think otherwise.

What does it take to look like her?

2009-03-10T12:35:00.000-07:00

Courtesy pics: india glitz and google images

I know that it has been exactly a month since my last post, it has been work and other stuff in life that has kept me away from blogging more frequently (excuses....), but nevertheless, the point is this blog isn't dead yet. So, without further ado-

Was recently browsing some pictures from an event "Cinema Today 2009" hosted for film technicians in Chennai and came across the picture of Suhasini Manirathnam, comperer of the evening. Everytime, I look at this woman, there is something that makes me pause and look at her picture again.

As an actress, Suhasini has not made a big impression to me, but, as a woman who carries herself with such pomp and elegance, she has my complete admiration. Not sure if it is the flowing long hair or the graceful manner in which she fits into either a saree or a modern outfit, but she has the right mix of what it takes to be a head turner. She wouldn't fall into the category of "beautiful", but, it does take a certain level of confidence to present yourself at an event or a function in attire that not only looks ordinary and simple, but somehow appears classy because she has worn it. Another thing, that adds to her persona is her trim/slim figure, I am sure she works out meticulously to keep herself toned. Being in a genre of actresses that are known to get obese with age, it does look refreshing to see someone maintain their body well. Not only does it compliment one's beauty, but certainly takes off 10 years from her age.

I often wonder is this how a woman ages gracefully, of course she is not that old to be categorized as "aged", but, a little something can be adopted from this lady on how we women need to take care of ourselves and do the right things-eating healthy (I hope my hubby doesn't read this) and working out regularly (I hope hubby doesn't read this either. Not just for the man in our lives, but we owe it to ourselves as women to maintain our appearance. While beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and physical appearance is not the measure of a woman's true beauty, it still doesn't hurt us to preserve what God has bestowed upon each one of us.

Until the next post.......

My Way or the Highway Attitude

2009-02-10T13:48:00.000-08:00

Courtesy: Google Image

The first time I heard this phrase was when an uncle of mine remarked during one of my heated argumentative sessions at home. As is customary of me to go about defending how and why I want things done the way I've planned or forseen them to happen, his comment made me sit up straight and think. This happened a few years ago. Nothing has changed in the way I do or see things since then. In fact, my attitude towards getting things done in my personal life exactly as how I envision them has only gotten worse.

An English idioms book defines the my-way or highway attitude as "If people don't do what you say, they will have to quit or leave the project, etc." Another phrase book, says this attitude is a trite expression that sums up dictatorial leadership style that is arrogance itself.

Growing up as an only child, this attitude of mine only flourished more and as years went by my ability to be flexible, adaptive and tolerant gradually declined. Of course, I would have to force my self to listen to another person's point of view, but, more often than not, it was something that I could never implement or take action upon. Strangely, this attitude is more dominant at a personal level rather than showing up at a professional front.

I am really curious as to how the rest of the world operates, do people take life as it comes or do they always have a plan and try their best to follow it. What happens if things don't go as per their plans, do they simply accept it and move on or do they fret about it and try their best to change the outcome?

It will be interesting to hear some other opinions....

The Proverbial Male Child

2009-02-06T10:16:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of this year, San Jose Mercury news had an interesting article that caught my eye. The article talked about how Asian immigrants in California are using medical technology to the fullest extent possible to satisfy an age old desire of having a male offspring instead of a female offspring.

As we know from movies like Karuthamma and in parts of rural South India, especially villages in and around Theni etc. there is still the practise of killing a female newborn or even a woman aborting her fetus if she has already had several female offsprings etc. But, it is indeed surprising to know that Asian immigrants (includes Chinese and Indian) here in California are stretching medical technology to new boundaries that provide prospective parents with the promise of a son. Of course, female infanticide almost never happens here, but according to the article there are some couples who have manipulated the natural odds of having a son or a daughter.

Dr. Jeffrey Steinberg, medical director of the Fertility Institutes of Los Angeles who was interviewed for the article, says that his office uses what is known as PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis) a technique where fertilized embryos whose sex is identified after a few cell divisions is then implanted. He claims that a majority of his clients are ethnic couples of the Chinese and Indian community who are willing to pay upto $20,000 for every attempt to have a boy.

Click graph to see enlarged image

Source: Jason Abrevaya, University of Texas, California Dept. of Public Health

The article then delvs into how having a son has become such an important aspect for Asian immigrants. Apparently, the preference for a male offspring in China goes back to some 2,000 years ago with economic and social roots, tradition etc. Amongst Indians, there is a strong belief that only a son can perform a father's last rites and is expected to financially and physically support his parents in their old age (though that is rapidly changing now in India, but still is an unspoken expectation). Also, some South Asian couples opened up saying that having a boy is a "status symbol" for several Indian women, even if they lived in the US, as they felt more acceptance with their in-laws. And, this thinking has now extended to many Asian immigrants even in the US. The worry is that as PGD becomes more affordable, more people are going to use it to ensure that they have a son. An analysis done by a University of Texas economist estimates that between 1991 and 2004 there were 2,000 "missing girl babies" among Chinese and Indian couples living in US- girls never born because their parents chose to have sons instead.

Can you imagine how much of a problem that would pose in the future?

A survey done indicated that most Asians weren't too concerned about the first child, but the bias towards a son became more pronounced for a second baby, especially if they knew it was a girl.

But, as long as there are immigrant couples who have set thoughts stuck in their heads based on cultural factors, there is going to be a huge business opportunity for doctors like Steinberg and others who have understood this and are willing to provide the services to bring more male babies into this world.

Happy Friday...

I am Back!

2009-02-05T14:08:00.000-08:00

Courtesy: Google Image

After a long hiatus, I finally dragged myself to let my blog pals know that I am back. Thank you to all the visitors who have been patiently visiting this blog and asking if all is well at my end. Yes, all is well- Call it a writer's block or taking an extended break, but I am returning to post. Hopefully, the new year has settled in and 2009 is here to bring some life changes.

Posting will resume shortly.......

Happy Holidays

2008-12-23T15:39:00.000-08:00

Pic: Courtesy of Google Image

I feel like I am out of school, yes, in some ways it is true. Our office closed for the holidays on Dec. 19th and we don't head back to work until Jan. 5th. Spent the last week organizing an XMas party, exchanged gifts and cookies and wrapped up stuff at work.

It is definitely a nice feeling to be at home- sleeping in without any alarm to wake up to, taking the day at leisure, watching Sun Tv, cooking and eating home made hot food, the afternoon naps etc. Guess, it does make a nice change in routine to be at home. Just realizing that there are so many home projects to do- cleaning out the closets, getting rid of old stuff, emptying out the pantry, reading old journals and going through albums from the past, there is enough to do at home to keep one occupied.

And, am I not glad to be away from the snow storms and blizzards of the mid-west and north east. I wish I could be in Hawaii, ideally, but, given where I am I should not complain too much. I wish a flight to Chennai could be less than 8 hours and cheap, so that a quick trip to enjoy the December/markazhi kutcheri/concert season can be made, but, those are all just wish lists for the time being.

Wishing all bloggers a great holiday season, have a safe journey if you are flying or a bash with your family and friends or simply soak in the festive lights and spirit of the holiday season at your home.

Seasons Greetings!

An Award to make your day

2008-12-10T15:50:00.000-08:00

Krishnan of Musings and Miscellany has graciously bestowed the Proximity award to me. This award couldn't have arrived at a better time to boost my spirits and motivate me to write more regularly. At a time, when you are trying to get out of blogger lethargy and get out of being caught up in the mundane routines of work and home life, an award like this, definitely makes you sit up and think about living upto to it.

What is this Proximity award about?
"This award is given to a blog that invests and believes in PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

So, without further ado, here are my 8 selections to whom I would like to pass on this award, you have all indeed been truly proximate through your writings, be it a cooking recipe or a family blog or a space where you write about your ideas and thoughts .

1. Sachita
2. Sundar
3. Laksh
4. Cham
5. Sasa
6. Priya from Canada
7. A-kay
8. Aparna

Enjoy the rest of the week!

Break in Service and Other Things

2008-12-08T14:35:00.000-08:00

It's official that I've been out of commission for a while now, didn't have much enthu to write about stuff nor had the motivation to read all my fellow bloggers posts, though, I've occasionally glimpsed through some of them. I guess blogger lethargy sweeps in once in a while and am hopefully attempting to break the spell and start writing again.

A lot has happened in the past few days and we aren't even done with the first half of December yet and I am already wishing for this year to end.

The Mumbai attacks have indeed caused immeasurable losses, pain and more than any other emotion, anger to a lot of Indians world wide. While, almost every blogger has expressed their hurt and concern over the brutality, I have no additional thoughts to chip in. A Caucasian colleague of mine who read every Indian and Pakistani paper there was to read online on the attacks, sent me this one liner titled humor out of tragedy- "Forgiving the Terrorists is GOD's responsibility. But fixing their appointment with God is entirely OUR responsibility."

A year that is steadily seeing the US unemployment rise at a frenzy that only seems to make layoffs the norm in several work places. Come every Thursday and Friday, irrespective of whether the company's earnings report comes out or not, there appears to be announcements of job cuts. With this rapid cut in our workforce, even top economic analysts are unable to predict when the job market will hit the bottom. And, the bad news doesn't stop with this intensifying recession that is still seen going well into the first half of 2009 and when a recovery comes, if it does, will it bring more jobs or sustain an already suffering middle class. Will Obama's stimulus package bring in some sort of relief? Will the US auto industry ever be able to rise from its worst ever? Will national security and terrorism continue to be a significant factor on the new president elect's agenda? Lastly, will most employers be able to find some budget saving relief by mandating forced shutdown for atleast 2 weeks for their staff?

Well, with so much clout hanging over our heads, I sure don't see us heading into a cheerful holiday season. This year's Xmas and New Year are going to be low key gatherings for many families where gifts are probably not going to be exchanged.

Not to end on a negative tone, but, atleast let's try and think of the good things and blessings that life has bestowed upon each and every one of us and use that as a tonic to get us through some tough times.

Getting Caught Up and Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T08:32:00.000-08:00

I can't believe its been more than 10 days since my last post and I have to admit that I've not caught up with all my other blog readings, either. It has been a full blown cold/flu season for me. I took my flu shot as soon as they offered it at work, thinking that I will be healthy through the cold season this year, but alas, how mistaken could I have been- For I have been falling sick since the week after. A combination of nasal allergies that turned out to be a cold and a horrible sore throat to the point of losing my voice to a croak, it has been a miserable time the past few weeks. The Tylenol Colds, warm water gargling and nasal puffs can take you only so far. But, I am thankful for feeling better this week, though haven't got rid of the symptoms completely.

Only now, do I realise how much important it is to be hale and healthy. A healthy body does wonders to maintain a normal temperament and keeps life going smoothly. Another awakening moment came when I felt that I could not afford to get sick here in US, with being allowed to take only so many sick days off at work and having to manage at the homefront too. In India, falling sick was not a big deal at all, cutting classes at college and staying home to be fussed by mom's cooking and dad's care and a visit to the family doctor nearby who loaded me with antibiotics and injection, I would feel better in 4 days and not fall sick for a while, unless I did something out of the ordinary like getting drenched in the rain and eating ice cream etc. Here, I take extra care to dress warm, cover myself with layers from head to toe when I go out and also when I am at home, inspite of which the cold bug gets to me. And I think it really is attached to me, for it lingers for a while and even when it feels like its gone, it is only coming back to me.

Anyways, enough already about my health, but, with thanksgiving break coming up, it is a good time to relax, enjoy the break, eat pumpkin pies, squash, cranberries, stuffing and mashed poatoes with gravy (yes, that is going to be my vegetarian thanksgiving meal tomorrow, if I feel much better). And of course, shop till you drop down on Black Friday to make the most out of the top deals.

Happy Thanksgiving and more blogging to follow next week.

Bicultural Children- India and California

2008-11-14T12:50:00.000-08:00

Video: Courtesy of San Jose Mercury News

Earlier this month, San Jose Mercury News had an article exclusively based on the kids who had returned from the Bay Area to Bangalore, India. Reading the article, gave me a better insight into the lives of children who are now, more than ever, exposed to and are living in two different cultures.

Global careers and economic opportunities lure several NRI folks back to India to settle down and as a result the children are also forced to tug along to a place that seems as foreign as it was to their parents when they first arrived in this country as graduate school students. The number of Indians going back, especially from Bay Area, given its Indian population is still on the rise with every passing year. As a result of this, several young Silicon valley children are trying to adjust themselves to the school environment, community and plain simple, just living in India.

Statistics show that per the National Association of Software Service Companies, atleast 22,000 NRI's have returned to India and more than half of it is from Bay area. Companies like Cisco, Hewlett-Packard, Intel and Oracle are some of the major corporations that the parents are employed in and when they go back to posh, expat style, gated-community living in Bangalore where their neighbours are colleagues and friends from US, life is much more secure. Little do they realize, that just outside the walls of those posh residences, there exists profound poverty, which is the first glimpse of reality that their US returned children get to see.

While, attending International Schools may not be that much of a shift in cultures, nevertheless, the differences are still striking. The article has excerpts from what a few of the kids who were unhappy with their Indian classroom experiences said-

1. Students at school must stand up any time an adult enters the classroom
2. Students are required to address instructors as "Sir" or "Miss" and of course wear uniforms, somtimes with ties.
3. More than that, they have to wear a name tag/badge. One of the girls asks,"How many California schools make you wear a dog tag?"
4. Have to endure teasing from Indian classmates about their American accent.
5. Girls are not allowed to wear make up to school or even let their hair down, which is very much an active ingredient of teen school life in US
6. Last, but the most important difference is that the kids find that their teachers don't encourage creativity in the schools. Neither do the teachers encourage asking questions (in fact, many times the teacher tells you to shut up and listen to her talking), sometimes the teacher's response is "You don't need to know that." In the US, school and education is more about helping you grow as an individual and being creative and applying your learnings to real life examples.

A few other students who had adapted more easily to their new surroundings and environment had the following to say-

1. Coming to India breaks your mental block of America being everything in the world to you.
2. There is a lot more to the Indian community and you experience something very different and enriching.
3. Mingling with other religious students and learning about India's ways makes us more flexible with adjusting our ways and hence we have no fear of the unknown.
4. While there are no high school proms and dating activities, we do lot of things within our community as a group of friends.
5. Life here is much more slower and relaxing than being in US.
6. We have different people to cater to our needs, like a driver to take us out, a maid to clean and a cook for our meals and of course access to cousins and grandparents is always there.

While the census is that some kids are more adaptable than others, it is still a safe haven of living in a posh neighbourhood inside a world that is cut off from the poverty and other aspects of day to day Indian living, though a drive in the car and while waiting at the signal, you'll never miss begging children rapping on your air conditioned glass windows.

But, some of these kids still keep in touch with their Bay area friends, especially the ones who miss their silicon valley lives the most. They are up at night chatting with their friends who live here and look forward to the summer when they can be back in the Bay Area to attend summer school and do other activities that aren't there in India. And of course, like most other expat kids, they will be back in the US for their undergraduate education.

While, both returning parents and children come to terms with living in a global culture, sometimes, it just feels down right confusing for the kids, while the parents keep telling them that your old silicon valley life has not gone away, you've just grown an extra one and will go back to your old one once you are in college.

Link to the original article: http://www.mercurynews.com/ci_10898080?IADID=Search-www.mercurynews.com-www.mercurynews.com

Happy Children's Day and Thank God its Friday!

Prop 8 in California: YES or NO

2008-11-10T14:54:00.000-08:00

Pictures: Courtesy of Google Images

If you live in the Bay Area and tune into your radio while driving your car or listen to the local news or see slogans propped outside homes, the term Prop 8 is perhaps the most spoken word around here. While, the Yes and No for support or not in favor of Prop 8 keeps shifting and to me is down right confusing, I thought that writing a post about it might help get some clarity.

Proposition 8 is one of the electoral ballot propositions that was entirely devoted to the State of California. The ballot title of Prop 8 was "Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry". Before, it was passed, same-sex marriage was a constitutionally protected right in California. In other words, Prop 8 would amend the state of California to restrict the definition of marriage to a union between a man and a woman.

VOTING YES ON PROP 8 means- you will define MARRIAGE in California to mean only the union between one man and one woman.

VOTING NO ON PROP 8 means- you will define MARRIAGE in California to mean the union between any two people regardless of gender, which includes same-sex couples.
(No change to the original state constitution right).

The electoral campaigns both For and Against Prop 8 raised several millions of dollars. While Democrats are the liberals who would argue that treating one group of people differently is unfair and wrong, conservative republicans might dig into their stance that failure to change the constitution for heteresexual marriage would require changing school curriculum etc. Of course, just like Obama, many liberals may not be that clear in their stance or vote Yes for Prop 8.

Nevertheless, just thinking about this topic that has been debated at all levels at nauseum, it makes one ponder about what their core beliefs, values etc. are. For the immigrant folks like me, where we hail from a culture that still has a higher percent of arranged marriages happening, it is indeed a shift in paradigm to think about same-sex couples getting married.

While, I've often felt that it is okay to accept a person if he/she is attracted to the same sex and try not to treat them differently, and also come to terms with them living together as a couple, calling their union as a Marriage is what bothers me somehow. Can't it just be named as a Union or something along those lines, instead of calling it Marriage. Because, the union between a man and a woman is a marriage, since they can give birth to kids etc. Yes, agreed that two women living as a couple can adopt a child, but, how would that child be raised. Who would it look up to as Mother and Father roles, would its thinking get impaired are all questions that I ponder, but have no answers to.

Anyways, this is a topic that is indeed controversial at its core and is still debated about widely here in Bay Area and had to make a post about this one.

Happy Monday!

Obama: A Force to Reckon With

2008-11-05T08:28:00.000-08:00

Pictures: Courtesy of Yahoo Photos

November 4th, 2008 was election day in America, a day that is awaited by millions across the country and world, in anticipation and eagerness. The day did not disappoint America, for indeed, history has been made with the election of Barack Obama as the 44th president and the first ever African American president of the United States. The victory was a landslide with Obama claiming 349 of the electoral votes (required 270) defeating his opponent John McCain who got 142 electoral votes, though the popularity votes were close enough.

Chicago celebrated, New York and California rejoiced as did Kenya and other nations across the worlds who watched America elevate its stance in the international arena by proving that democracy is the still the strongest power in today's global world.

As a permanent resident in this country, who has another couple of years towards getting citizenship, I couldn't vote in this historic election. But, as an immigrant and just like any other minority group, the moment of seeing Obama deliver his victory speech, makes me emotional. I saw thousands of African American people, both men and women, crying, for many would not have dreamt that they could be alive to see the day when a black man would get elected to the white house in this country, indeed, CHANGE is here, big time. It gives hope for millions of colored people, be it from an Asian, Hispanic, Latino or any other community the hope to dream big and the belief that anything is possible in this land of opportunities.

Now, that I've raved about how one can hope in this country etc. I want to delve more into how Obama made this happen. Just being an African American senator from Illinois, didn't give Obama an edge over the others, but he had to work ten times harder than your average politician over the years to get to this point. And, of course, he has all the right elements in perfect combination to make him who he is.

A few reasons why I think Obama won, based on my readings, observations and of course getting the facts right from the internet and news-

1. A member of the democratic minority, representing a swath of Chicago's south side, he had done what he could so as one of the most liberal senators in a Republican goverment and was ready for a change.
2. His community organizer background gave him the ablity to appeal to people, listen to their concerns and deliver speeches that enthralled his audience.
3. Obama has the right educational background, a law degree from Harvard and the mantle of first black president of the Harvard Law Review.
4. His personality that has been subjected to close scrutiny throughout this race, depicting him as a cool headed, intelligent politician. His rare talent is to mask his hard inner core and unyielding ambition to make something extraordinatry of himself and promote his ideals.
5. Lastly, his campaign, I've heard is run so methodically and strategically that the organization functioned like clock-work and paved the way for his victory. Obama's steady, corporate campaign management is another depiction of how timing, planning and action are all crucial to attaining a high goal, such as this.

At his victory speech in Chicago's Grant Park in front of more than 100,000 people, Obama after thanking his supporters (he didn't mention Hillary and Bill Clinton, was a bit surprised at this and wondered if the omission was intentional or otherwise)went on to say how the challenges of tomorrow, one of them being the worst financial crisis of the century and the other being planet in peril will be faced.

While, change comes with this election, let us wait and watch to see what Obama does in his first term after taking oath into the Oval office in January. But, for now, Obama's success story is that of a young man, whose search for the identity of his own roots and his quest for change makes him a unique and a prominent president in the global arena.

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T08:22:00.000-07:00

IT'S HALLOWEEN by Jack Prelutsky~

It's Halloween! It's Halloween!
The moon is full and bright
And we shall see what can't be seen
On any other night.

Skeletons and ghosts and ghouls,
Grinning goblins fighting duels,
Werewolves rising from their tombs,
Witches on their magic brooms.

In masks and gowns
we haunt the street
And knock on doors
for trick or treat.

Tonight we are
the king and queen,
For oh tonight
it's Halloween!

Its Halloween day and I have no costume to wear, simply because I didn't have the enthu to go and get one and dress up to come to work in a costume. Almost everyone at work is dressed up and I feel like a kid who is left out in a colorful fancy-dress competition. I tell myself that maybe next year, I will sum up the courage and venture out to try out some costume that will suit me. My colleagues are knocking on my door and showing off their costumes, we have a costume contest at lunch and as HR I again feel so left out and a little out of place. It is becoming harder for me to respond to their queries on Why I haven't dressed up, because it looks like it is part of my HR duties to not only coordinate the events, but also dress up and soak in the spirit of the day.

But, I did make it a point to go and decorate our front lawn a few weeks ago with some skeleton heads, cobwebs and halloween stuff (picture will follow soon) and I am fully equipped with variety candy to treat the kids when they come around for trick or treating tonight- I so look forward to that every Halloween and am hoping that there is no rain to stop the kids from coming around the neighbourhood tonight.

Happy Halloween and enjoy your weekend.

Married and Happy at 25 or 65?

2008-10-29T11:22:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite shows on Sun Tv during festival days is to watch the "Pattimandram" which is the tamilian version of a debate with Solomon Pappaiya as the moderator. His snide remarks and sattirical humor always make watching the pattimandram more enjoyable. Usually, he starts out by giving a prelude to the topic of debate and there are 2 teams with 3 speakers who take turns and speak one after the other opposing their opponent's views and strengthening their own arguement. After everyone has spoken, the moderator finally gives his verdict on the winning side using his rationale from the debate. This year's pattimandram topic on Deepavali day was, "Does happiness in life come out of marriage when you are 25 years or does it come when you are at 65 years."

I am just trying to sum up the arguments made by the speakers and of course, add my two cents to it, too. Life at 25 is definitely lots of fun, a road to new beginnings, fulfilment of dreams and desires etc. Being engaged, falling in love and getting married (either the arranged way or other way), the first job, the first date, first anniversary, first gift, first baby, so many firsts make it all so much worth living for. The first fight with your spouse, followed by several others in due course etc. are also part of the works. Of course, making up after such tiffs and the lessons learnt about your partner are all part of the marriage game at 25. Also, life at 25 is filled with changes and rushes past by without the extra time to savor and enjoy the niceties.

Life at 65 is laid back and comes with a sense of contentment. A pension and secure savings provide the financial stability, while dependecy on a son/daughter may also rock this age. There are times when the son/daughter may not always be that patient or accomodative with your old age quirks, but, if your significant other is around, it makes living more bearable. While sparks don't fly off at a glance into each other's eyes and you don't even have to touch the other person, there is a comfortable silence and mute understanding of what your spouse is thinking at this wise old age. Listening to your wife cough through the night, may not be that pleasant and happy, but, getting up in your tottering steps to fetch her a glass of water and gently holding her hand, may bring happiness and comfort. If your grandfather is out on a hot sunny day to the near by post-office and isn't back at his usual time, the concern on your grandmother's face and the way she walks to the door and peeps out, is probably the best depiction of what love is at that age.

Finally, the verdict was given to Marriage and happiness being enjoyed the most at 65 and not at 25 years. At 25, a lot of the feelings are passionate and associated with physical needs and superficial, but, is like bright spring season, with the blossoming of flowers and color. At 65, life in a marriage is about sharing concerns of who might die first and what will happen to the other spouse and is shared from the heart and soul and is like the changing colors and falling leaves of fall season. Enjoy and savor the thrills of married life at 25, for those are probably the best times in one's life and welcome old age with grace.

Thanks to the moderator Solomon Pappaiya for a thought provoking topic and a befitting verdict.

Deepavali Wishes and a different tale

2008-10-24T11:02:00.000-07:00

Monday, 10/27 is Deepavali day in South India. What that means is for folks like us living in US, we get to celebrate it on the weekend. A get-together with a bunch of friends, a potluck dinner and maybe lighting some lamps and wearing new clothes sums up the make-do version of this widely popular Indian festival.

For those who don't have parents or in-laws visiting, Komala Vilas in Sunnyvale sells Deepavali legiyam or marunthu, a medicinal mix that takes care of indigestion problem that may tend to occur while devoring on sweets and snacks during this festival.

It has been 8 years since I was there in India for Deepavali and frankly, I don't regret it. My fears with Deepavali go back to my childhood days when I was scared stiff of loud bursting crackers and while growing up in India, every year I would dread the arrival of Deepavali day, as it means I would be huddled under the bed with my ears stuffed with cotton scared of cracker noises. It would be a struggle for my parents to drag me to visit my grandparents place, as I would not step out of the house. My folks would compare me with the small child holding the 1000 walla in his hand and bursting it, while I couldn't even bear the noise. I would cry and howl in fear and my heart would beat so rapidly at those firework sounds, that nothing was worth the trouble for me. Over the years, the fear just wouldn't go away and I used to tell my folks that I can't wait to get out of India and come to US, so that I didn't have to endure this day.

Of course, wearing new clothes and enjoying the different sweets and savories and watching all the new movie release shows, new songs, Solomon Papaiyah's pattimandram and movies were the day's highlights. My poor mother would be in the kitchen all day cooking while I would be sitting on the couch watching TV without even an ounce of guilt. Those days, when my dad would tell me to go help her in the kitchen, I would never oblige him. But, sitting in a far away country and after years of growing up, I finally feel some remorse for not helping my mother and selfishly watching TV, while she never got to see any of the TV programs.

Also, growing up as an only child in a very nuclear family, the lack of cousins etc. only made the festival seem even less appealing to me.

I am happy to be here in US for this year's Deepavali too and wishing you and your families a very Happy and Joyous Deepavali, no matter where you are, soak in the spirit of the festival that lights up the hearts of many all over the world.

Puppy meets his match- cute video

2008-10-20T09:59:00.000-07:00

I am a huge lover of dogs and especially cute puppies. This was too cute to resist posting- Enjoy!

Happy Monday!

What is your "Word" ?

2008-10-17T13:05:00.000-07:00

Just started reading the much acclaimed book "Eat,Pray,Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. A detailed analysis and review of the book will be a separate post later. Basically, the book is about an American woman's search for everything in her life across Italy, India and Indonesia. But, even as I've completed exactly 100 pages in this 330paged book, the author whose narrative of the story is in first person, throws out so many ideas, thoughts and topics for discussion that I can think of writing so many posts out of the readings. It will be appropriate to say that atleast one post can come out of one page's reading in this book, such is the content material.

This will be the first out of many posts to follow from several anectodes in this book.

During the author's stay in Rome, Italy, a snippet of coversation between the author Liz and a friend result in the friend saying that the secret to understanding a city and its people is to learn- what the word on the street is? The friend explains that in any place if you could read a passer by's thoughts, you will find that most of them are thinking the same thought. Whatever that majority thought is,will be the word of that city. And as an individual living or visiting that city, there will be one word used to describe your current personality and if that personal word matches the word of the city, then you totally belong in that place. Makes sense?

A few examples given by the friend and the author are-

What is Rome's word?
Answer: SEX (Since that is what is there on the mind of most of the people all the time)

What is Vatican's word?
Answer: POWER, though you'd think FAITH is more like it.

What is Stockholm's word?
Answer: CONFORM (depressing one)

What is the word in Naples?
Answer: FIGHT

What is the word in New York city?
Answer: ACHIEVE (yes, it is a verb of course)

What is the word in Los Angeles?
Answer: SUCCEED (a subtle but significant difference)

The coversation then moves to more specific questions that the friend poses to the author, which might be worth answering in our own lives.

What was the word in your family when you were growing up?
My answer to this would be Abundant and Religious (yes, I used 2 words).

Lastly, What's your word?
If I had to use this in my current state of affairs, I would come up with Restless.

It will be interesting to hear what your answers to these last 2 questions will be, if you want to share them. What I really liked about this message/exercise is that by coming up with that one word that best describes you at present, it brings about a clear realization of who you are or your current state of mind.

Happy Thinking and enjoy your weekend..

Pissed off

2008-10-15T09:56:00.000-07:00

I guess this blog is turning out to be a venue for my rants and vents with life's happenings. So, without further ado, a narration of something that happened towards the close of work day yesterday that still has me pissed off.

Being the sort of sole HR person in my office, one of my job duties is to put together events, parties etc. With Halloween coming up at the end of the month, every year, we have a grand costume party, lunch etc. at work that is organized by me and our Operations Coordinator. So, usually the emails on such upcoming events etc. are sent to the group from me or sometimes by our Ops Coordinator.

C is our Finance person who not only keeps track of our budget, but also thinks that she controls the money that we spend. In some ways, it is good that she has a tight control over our spending so that we are well within approved funds etc. According to me, C is a control freak who always keeps saying that she wished she had more power around the work place to do more things. C, Ops Coordinator and myself all report to the same manager.

Yesterday, right before the end of the day, I see an email that comes from C to the group about the upcoming Halloween party etc. My first reaction was maybe our manager had asked her to send it, for some reason, though I knew that wasn't the case. I was so pissed to see C step on my forte by sending out the email to the group, more so, since it was I who had brought up the topic of Halloween at our last team meeting. She should have atleast checked with me before sending it out, so typical of her want to have power over things. I never interfere in her area, Finance and have no clue as to what gives her the right to poke her nose in my domain. Granted, we are a team and we all come together to do things, but, we do have separate portfolios and it is so annoying when someone steps on your toes.

On the pretext of checking something with C, I emailed her and added a line mentioning that I was surprised to see this email come from her. Thought, she would respond to it, but nope. Spent a significant time venting to K about this last evening. I also emailed my manager venting off about this. Finally, decided to go directly to C and ask her about this in the morning. I had to take several deep breaths and calm myself before going to her, since I didn't want to lose my temper and say something regretable (which is so typical of me). But, at work, I am a whole different self, so when I asked C as to why she sent the email, she had some story about how she was thinking about our big boss (whose favorite event is Halloween and recently how she had a death in her family and was still recovering), so, in order to cheer her up, she sent the email on a whim without checking with me. C had absolutely no remose, even when I told her that I was feeling bad about it etc. She said that I could maybe do a follow-up email/evite for the event if I wanted to, since I was going to be doing the logistics of planning etc. The cheek and nerve she has to say that to me, I just put on my professional smile and said, No, that is fine, you can do it, if you want to and came back to my office.

Change is part of life

2008-10-14T13:35:00.000-07:00

The last few days have been a whirlwind of activities and happenings. Amidst all that, the daily routine goes on. A weekday is a typical weekday with the usual waking up, packing lunch, gobbling through the morning's breakfast and beverage and the commute to work. In the office, its going through the same old emails, solving new issues that arise, surfing through new blog posts etc. Depending on the kind of day you've had, the time seems to have flown by or the day drags itself. Come evening, the commute back home, plans for dinner, a quick workout, watching the never ending polls and debates on CNN, the news and its time to hit the sack for the day.

Routine is like my anchor to day to day life. More than the routine, a sense of familiarity makes life secure for me. A familiar place called home to come to, sleeping in the same bed, going to the same office day after day, watching the same show over and over again make the world a safe haven for me.

A slight change in status quo or events doesn't board well with me at all. Forget even accepting the change, even being open to changes in living is not my cup of tea. I know some of my friends who are also wary of changes in life, but, still, I guess they accept it as part of life and go with the flow. There are others who thrive on change, meaning a routine way of doing things, repeating the same activities etc. becomes mundane and makes life dull and boring. New activities, new ventures, or a mere change in the order/way of doing things keeps them going.

My lack of willingness to embrace change and fear of the unknown and unplanned is something that needs to be overcome. Sure, it is not going to happen overnight, but adding a touch of spontanity will sure make life better, it seems. While, even opportunities for taking risks and trying out new things don't come our way often in life, I think being a little optimistic on the whole concept of change will atleast make me look at those as opportunities and not as threats. Writing this post, makes me think that every situation in life needs to go through a SWOT analysis (something from my management classes)- look at the Strengths, analyze the Weaknesses, seize the Opportunities and know the Threats to make a successful management decision.

While, I am may not end up turning a new leaf and embracing change right away, atleast I can watch it from the sidelines and try not to be overly critical of the changes in other people's lives.

WHAT CAN I CHANGE?
By Aldo Kraas

I need to have more patience with others
I can’t fight with people anymore
Because fighting is no good for me and others
What can I change?
The way I think I must change
What can I change?
Get the negative thoughts out of my life
What can I change?
My feelings towards myself and others

Book Review: The Unknown Errors of Our Lives

2008-10-08T12:55:00.000-07:00

I just completed this Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni's book, thoroughly enjoyed reading this collection of stories of Indian immigrants who have migrated to the US and the adjustments that their lives undergo- be it connecting with their familial roots back home or making accomodations to the life here or bridging the generational differences that transit beyond seas. Every story resonates with a moving pulse on how human emotions thrive in individuals, families that have a cultural connection embedded in them.

The book has 9 stories and each story is unique in its own way. While every story portrays the dynamics between a parent and child or between siblings or in-laws, each one is poignant with a sense of reality that leaves behind a mark in our hearts.

Most of the Indian families that Chitra refers to hail from North India, especially West Bengal, but, the stories are very applicable to any woman or man from India living abroad. Without giving away the contents, each story has a direct message that ties into the title, the unknown mistakes that we make in our lives. There is a tale of an Indian woman settled in the US who is forced to make amendments with her estranged father when he wants to see his grandchild in his older days. Another story that rings with reality is that of a widowed mother who comes to US to live with her son and daughter-in-law only to discover that her ways are considered old-fashioned, embarassment to her daughter-in-law. A story about an Indian girl who visits India and goes on a pilgrimage tour, only to discover herself and the purpose of her life. There is also a tale about a lesbian woman who meets someone from India in this country and how their relationship blossoms into one of comfort. A story with the book's title is also written to express how a young woman paints about Indian mythology and the comforts that she draws from those paintings to deal with an unexpected twist about her fiance are all woven beautifully into this collection.

While I did not enjoy reading Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni's "Mistress of Spices", this book, more than made up for it. A good read that knocks some lessons into our heads and makes us think about the unknown errors that we ourselves may have done in our lives.

Our Golu for this year

2008-10-06T09:48:00.000-07:00

A glimpse of our golu this year for all those who couldn't come in person. Thank you to all the friends and bloggers (some) who made it to our place last evening for viewing the golu and taking vethala-paaku-sundal.

This year's golu was a lot similar to last year's in the arrangement, still using moving boxes for the steps (padis), but got some good information from friends on the assembly of proper wooden racks from Home Depot, Ikea etc. Hopefully, next year, we'll have a much better set-up, assuming that this is a project for K to complete within the next year.

The new additions to this year's golu were the Dasavatharam set (heard that after the movie, this set is now a popular in most golus) and the Ashtalakshmis (8 Lakshmi's). The 8 Lakshmi goddess being Adi Lakshmi, Dhana Lakshmi, Dhanya Lakshmi, Gaja Lakshmi, Santana Lakshmi, Veera Lakshmi, Vijaya Lakshmi and Vidya Lakshmi.

My personal favorite is the musical Ganesha set that comprises of several forms of Ganesha either singing, playing an instrument or dancing.

A visit to the temple to see their golu display, eating lots of different types of sundal over the weekend (tasted pattani, chick peas, black-eyed peas and peanut sundals), receiving and giving small gifts as part of the vethala-paaku thamboolam, getting dressed and meeting beautifully dressed women in traditional attire, hearing some folks sing at the golus, the weekend was filled with activities and cultural fiesta.

With just a few week days of the golu left, and with Saraswathi puja and Vijayadasami, both falling on Wednesday and Thursday respectively, marking the end of this navarathri, this year's golu was another pleasant occasion.

Happy Monday....

A Picture Tag/Colorful Meme

2008-10-02T11:40:00.000-07:00

Apar of Random Ruminations has tagged me, so here goes-

Instructions:
a) Answer the questions below, do a Google Image search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, and do it with minimal words of explanation.

b) Tag 5 other people to do the same once you’ve finished answering every question.

1. The age you’ll be on your next birthday-

2. A place you'd like to travel to-

3. Your favourite place

4. Your favorite food

5. Your favorite pet

6. Your favorite color combination

7. Your favorite piece of clothing

8. Your favorite TV show

9. First name of your significant other

10. The town in which you live

11. Your first job

12. A bad habit you have

13. Your dream job- DIRECTOR OF

14. Your worst fear

15. What you'd like to do before you die

Though, I would like to choose 5 bloggers to tag, not sure if they would be willing to take it up, so please feel free to pursue this picture tag to share more about yourself and your interests, if you feel so.

Through the eyes of a visitor

2008-09-29T10:45:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, we had a second cousin of my husband's come visit us. C is related to my husband distantly, and since my understanding of the family tree and relations is very limited, settled upon calling her the second cousin, seems simpler. C who is a few years younger to me is from India and is here in the US on a B-1 business visa to work on a project for her company's client for a few weeks. She arrived last weekend and is put up close to her client's site in San Ramon valley. My husband has met her only twice or so in his lifetime during weddings etc. in India and I've never seen her. C arrived in SFO last Saturday and called us several times during the week to ask if she could come over and meet us. Since she stays about 3 hours away from where we live, we told her to use public transportation to come to the station closest to our place from where we could pick her up.

C arrived on Saturday morning after taking a cab, changing 2 trains at a station 30 minutes away from our place and my husband picked her up. After they got home, we took off to attend a company picnic lunch hosted by my husband's company. C filled us in on her background and her routine since landing in US about a week ago. Apparently, her client office here has only 5 folks who all work from home. She is the only one coming from India to work on this project and hence works from her hotel room. She visited another distant family member's place during her first weekend and since then has not seen anybody else. She had spent the last week 24 hours a day locked up in her hotel room and was longing to interact with people.

Anyways, I spent the weekend taking her out for shopping, took her to the Indian grocery store and we went out to eat etc. C couldn't take her eyes off the Sun TV channel while at home and chatted away to us all the time. It was interesting to hear about some of her remarks and observations about the lifestyle in US.

1. During the one night she was in our place she couldn't go to sleep at all. She told us that it was too quiet here, no sounds of traffic from the roads, no noises etc. and it felt scary for her to fall asleep. So, she pretty much spent Saturday night watching TV till morning and fell asleep on the couch at dawn.

2. She loved the highways and the orderly lane traffic that whizzed past by, but still said that she preferred to ride her Scooty on Mount Road anyday, chuckle);-

3. Someone from her client office took her out to lunch on her first and only day in the office to a Greek restaurant and she had panini which she hated and said would never eat for the rest of her life. So, on the day she came over to our place and before we headed out to K's office picnic, she ate thayir satham and vadu mangai.

4. So, we took her out to dinner at a South Indian restaurant and after one bite of the sambar vada, she remarked that the vada tasted bad and we shouldn't eat it. K and I have been eating at this place for years, now.

5. We were watching CNN on and off, since she wanted to see mostly Sun TV and after a while, I was watching The Cosby Show on one of the family channels (a comedy show based on an African American family) and her expression was a dead giveaway that she would rather watch the crassy Vadivelu on Sun TV than enjoy the humor on this show.

Those were some of the distinct observations from the eyes of a visitor to this place. The views that parents have when they come here is quite different from that of a younger generation that comes from India. Made me go back to my initial days of coming to the US years ago as a student, was I this opinionated (I still am in many ways), but, most of everything about US fascinated me and I didn't know if the lack of noise, people crowding, huge family gatherings etc. bothered me as much as it did to her. In fact, the silence, the loneliness of this place in some ways all charmed me- that will be another post sometime.

On another note, today is the first day of the Navarathri festival, waiting to go home this evening and keep the golu.

The Quirks of Relationships

2008-09-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

Parvathi is a now a 35 year old woman. She hails from a small town in South India and has a diploma and a certificate in bedside nursing. Her parents are moderately incomed people who got her married to Kumar about ten years ago. Kumar came from a middle class family and was a chronic diabetic from his teens. Parvathi's parents thought that given their economic status and the difficulties they faced in finding a suitable match for their daughter, that this was something they and their daughter could accept and live with. Parvathi moved to Chennai to start her married life with Kumar. Kumar lived and worked in a government job in Chennai. His family comprised of 3 sisters who were all married and settled in various places, a widowed mother and his younger brother Raja. Parvathi settled into a routine in her new life. She even started to work in a doctor's clinic and time passed. Kumar and Parvathi had their first baby boy Shakthi 3 years later after their third anniversary.

Soon after, Kumar's brother Raja got married to a girl named Vani who was also a working woman. Kumar and Raja's mother was quite happy that she had settled off all her children and spent time staying with her daughters and sons. The two brothers and their wives lived together in the same household. After a couple of years, Kumar's health started acting up. His diabetes medicines were not helping much and he slowly developed kidney disorders. Parvathi quit her job in the doctor's clinic and spent her time accompanying her husband to his doctor and hospital visits. Eventually, Kumar underwent a kidney transplant and started post-operative treatment. Meanwhile, Vani was pregnant and she and Raja had their first baby. Soon after her maternity leave, Vani had to go back to work and Parvathi and her mother-in-law ended up taking care of the kids and Kumar. Kumar was on a extended leave of absence from his job. After his surgery, he seemed to respond to the treatment for a while and then there was a setback. Due to his diabetes condition, he was not responding positively to the transplants and was surviving with one kidney. His ailments continued for about a year, while Parvathi struggled to care for her husband and Raja spent all his earnings in getting the best treatment possible for his elder brother. The doctor's had given up hope of Kumar's survival by then and his days were numbered.

Knowing that his end was nearing, Kumar gave his wife lots of advice on keeping up her mental strength and spent time with his son who was now enrolled in kinder garden. He transferred all his savings to his wife's name and also spoke to the higher ups in his office to get her his job after his demise. Kumar passed away at the beginning of his ninth year of marriage when his son was 5 years old.

Parvathi and the rest of his family were heart broken and with time slowly recovered. Meanwhile, Kumar's mother who was living with one of her daughters in US was shuttling back and forth in her old age to hold the family together. Vani and Raja had their second baby in the following year and moved to a house in the next street where Vani's parents came and stayed to help out with the kids. By then, Parvathi had started working in her husband's office and another couple of years rolled by. She also got some money from the insurance from her husband's death and was able to manage for herself and her son. Raja and Vani often looked upon Parvathi and her son, since they lived in the next street and life went on, until the next lightning struck this family.

Vani was diagnosed of breast cancer a year later and she was deteriorating rapidly. Her parents were getting old to fend for themselves and tried their best to help out. Raja was now doing his best to try all kinds of survival treatments to save his wife. Parvathi pitched in to help take care of the kids after school etc. Within six months of her diagnosis, Vani passed away too.

Raja's mother was grief stricken at the second blow of fate to her family and stayed back in India to help her son with the kids. Time passed, very slowly and Raja developed leucoderma, a condition that leaves white patches on the skin. Another year passed and Raja's mother had to return to her daughter in US to keep her green card status.

Parvathi was now doing all the cooking for Raja and his children and continued to care for them as she and her son lived in the next street.

This is a true story from a family in our neighbourhood back in India. Recently, I heard that Parvathi and Raja had got married, per the wishes of Raja's mother. I was truly shocked for an instant hearing this, but soon came to terms with this. There has been a lot of gossip about this- The brother-in-law marrying his older brother's wife who in Hindu culture is reffered to as "Manni" and is considered to be like a second mother. But, apparently Raja's mother made the decision from a practical modern perspective, given the nature of the calamities that has happened and that her 3 grand children are pretty much raised together and that it would be extremely hard for an outsider to come into this and marry either of them without having an ulterior motive of either cheating Parvathi out of her money or Raja by being a cruel mother to his children. It must have taken the old lady a lot of courage to come up with this solution and even harder to convince the two people Parvathi and Raja to agree to this, since both of them had strongly refused to abide by their mother's thought. After a long struggle, looks like she made this happen.

Even so, my heart goes out to Parvathi who even in her second marriage is destined to marry someone with a skin disease. Hope that the society they live in lets them and their children have a smooth life.

* The names of these people from true life have been changed for this post."

Care for a Trendy hairdo?

2008-09-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

As I was walking out of the gym last evening, I noticed a chic looking girl walk past me through the doors. Being sort of a regular at my workout place I am familiar with most faces and was wondering if another new desi member has signed up. As I was staring at her while thinking this to myself, she turned around and said hi. It was not a new member, but someone whom I knew who had gotten a new hairdo.

Having a new hairdo is like having a complete make-over, it is remarkable how someone'e looks change so drastically just with a pair of scissors. Especially, if you've had shoulder length hair that has now been reduced to a sleek close layered cut, the difference is startling. I have come to admire the courageous streak in most women who are bold enough to experiment with their hair.

I come from a traditional family where it was normal to want to have long, braided hair. Seeing my mom who had hair long enough to go past her waist, it was natural for me to want to have long hair. And, over the school and college years, it was painstankingly maintained by using the right oils, herbal and henna treatments, the same shampoo etc. After coming to US, like many others, the change in the water etc. gradually resulted in hair loss, but still, there is enough left over for a braid. A habit that started in the teens, I can hardly let my hair loose or even do a pony tail, it has to be a braid. On my last India trip, a cousin of my husband's remarked that it is nice that being in the US for a few years now, I continue to have reasonably lengthy hair and still braid it, unlike in India where its hard to see folks having long hair these days. She said most people want to go to the parlor or a stylist and then experiment with their tresses- Curling naturally straight hair, using highlights and coloring the hair, gelling them etc. have become the norm of the day. Even my mom, whom I least expected to say, wants me to do away with the tresses and go in for a shorter hairdo. It is the in-thing these days and helps you fit right in at work in a western workplace.

But, I am not ready yet. Seeing how others around me are so bold and free to experiment with their looks, I am so skeptical about this whole concept of getting a shorter haircut. What if I don't like what I see and want all my hair back? What about those efforts and the time it has taken me over the years to maintain the length, is all that a waste if I decide to do away with shorter hair. So, many doubts and fears of having a new hairdo. I indeed applaud the wannabes who have embraced the new styles and made the transition. Maybe, someday, some other time I will be able to take a leap into the shortcut, but until then, the tresses are here to keep and grow.

Musical Personality?

2008-09-19T09:45:00.000-07:00

Recently, I read an article about how people's musical preferences bring out their personalities. Apparently, a study has been conducted by a professor of Herion-Watt University in Scotland to correlate the link between a person and his or her choice of music. There is also an ongoing survey that people can take anonymously on their website http://peopleintomusic.com to know more about how their music interests determine their personality. Some of the questions in this survey are pretty interesting to respond to.

So far, the results based on the responses from people all over the world indicate the following-

Jazz and blues listeners are people with high self-esteem, creative, outgoing, gentle and at ease.

Classical music listeners (includes Indian classical too) are people who also have high self-esteem, creative, but are more shy in nature, not outgoing.

Country and western music listeners are considered hard-working and outgoing.

Reggae listeners are creative but not hardworking, while rap lovers are outgoing.

The research also pointed out an astonishing similarity between classical music listeners and heavy metal fans that they are both creative, but not the outgoing types. Also, the professor has found through his research that those who drive sports cars and have blaring music through their radios, are the ones who are mostly high income folks while the folks who listen to softer, relaxing music are lower down on the income scale.

Now, that the research results are out, it would be good to pause for a moment and think about what type of music each and every one of us listen to and try to understand more about our natures. I think that for most youngsters who get exposed to western music in their teens, a lot of it comes with the crowd that they hang out with. If your friends are talking about a cool band group that does rap or hip-hop, then there is the tendency to get hooked onto that. At college and later years as one matures, one learns to listen to more genres and appreciate the various types of music.

As for as Indian classical carnatic music goes, a great deal of it comes from growing up in a traditional family where music is very much a part of the household. It is only natural for folks who were raised in that environment by hearing their grandmothers and mothers sing become more attuned to that. Also, children growing up in those kinds of households are sent to learn the basics of the swaras etc. from a music teacher at a young age. There are sections of those youngsters who become interested in pursuing the interest as they navigate through school and college, while there are others who drop out after a while.

Whatever be the music you listen to, it is always good to know more about why that particular genre interests you and also help understand yourself better. After all, at the end of a tiring long day, listening to good music is one of the few things that can be soothing and relaxing.

Have a great weekend...

The Weight Loss Paradigm

2008-09-15T14:37:00.000-07:00

As women, our lives tend to get occupied with work, home life etc. leaving us little or sometimes no time to focus on ourselves. What with the fast-paced lifestyle we lead and having to deal with all the daily stresses that come our way, our well being takes the last priority on a to-do list. By well-being, I am referring to one's physical health. This has been a topic on my mind for a while now.

While some Indian women are born lucky with the "slim gene" embedded in their system, most aren't. So, working out to stay in shape or to shed the accumulated pounds becomes a priority. The weight loss battle seems like a long drawn battle with results that don't show up for a long time. Unlike, doing something that fetches immediate gratification, this is one experiment or process where the outcome does not manifest itself right away. Hence, the motivation to continue on a regimen of exercise and diet is short-lived.

Has any one heard of the term yo-yo dieting?
It is when one starts on a quick weight loss diet and then doesn’t exercise, which results in a lowered metabolic rate (your body now burns less calories each day than it did before). You quit your diet. Now, you return to eating as much food (or more—because of a sense of deprivation) as you did before your diet. As a result, you gain weight gain beyond what you previously weighed and the cycle continues....

No, I am not a diet plan, since I enjoy good food and have a weakness for sweets and pastries. So, it is doubly harder for me to fight this battle of trying to lose weight. As my fitness center instructor says, "You didn't gain this weight over night, so you won't lose it over night too."

I am not this huge weight loss advertisement woman trying to come down from a size 20to a size 10, but, I do want to lose the inches. I had a workout routine, but, consistency is what I lack. I thrive on it for some months, then come a cold or a flu and a couple of days to the gym are lost. Slowly, the couple of days becomes a week and I end up feeling like I have lost out on whatever little progress I had made earlier.

Today is Monday, a new week, hoping to get back to the routine again.......

Women=Chores, Men=?

2008-09-08T12:51:00.000-07:00

It has been 10 days since my last post, the lack of a post can simply be attributed to just being caught up in the mundane routine of life. Someone once told me that "Work expands to fill available time" and that is just what has been happening to me. There is the usual routine of waking up every day, the commute to work, getting caught up with the emails and projects in the office, plouging through lunch and then back home in the evening. Plans for cooking dinner, grocery shopping, a quick workout (if time permits), catching up on the latest on CNN news from the gustav and hanna hurricanes to the Sarah Palin controversies etc. there seems to be enough things to make the day fly by.

A weekend arrives and with it comes all the other household chores of laundy, ironing, trying out a new recipe, a car wash, more cleaning around the house etc. It just seems that there is always something to do around the house. A friend of mine who has a 1 year old kid was telling me the other day that these days she hardly has time to wash and comb her hair. She is a stay-home mom whose routine is 10 times worse than mine.

The life of a woman seems to be a 24x7 fill of chores and activities. Here in US, it becomes one routine, thankless job of doing everything by yourself. Yes, while we have the husbands and fathers who are more willing to help around the house these days than sitting in front of a TV with a remote forgetting the external world. It seems like many times, we women prefer to do all chores by ourseleves. This is because we strongly feel that a certain job has to be done in a certain way and since we are the ones who can do it perfectly, we prefer to tackle most of the chores by ourselves, but then, end up complaining that "there is no help from the other person."

I guess if most women realized that if they let go of some of their perfectionist way of doing things or didn't end up strightening the things that their spouses or children did, most chores around the house will get done and who knows, we may even have time for a pedicure, a bubble bath and to catch up on reading some novels.

Happy Monday to all............

What kind of person is this?

2008-08-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

I am an email person- which means just like anybody else I thrive a lot on email for my daily interaction with colleagues at work and with friends and family too. With the latter two now being spread across the globe, this is the only way, besides phone calls, to keep in touch. It is economically not feasible to talk often to every friend you've had from school or college to keep in regular touch. So, email fulfills that need. While several of my friends who live both in the US and outside too, are prompt with responding to emails, some are not.

Life brings about changes, a new job,a hectic job, marriage, kids etc. and I have to keep reminding myself that there are people outside the US who don't check email for several times every single day. One friend of mine who lives in Chettinad, Karaikudi has internet in her chettinad home, but, with two young kids and a busy routine in a joint family household, her emails are restricted to about 4-5 every year. Initially, it was difficult for me to comprehend her life, but, with the passing years, I got used to it. I guess this is because I knew her from college, still meet her when I visit India and am able to sort of come to terms with her email tendencies.

But, what is hard for me to understand is a family member, like a cousin type, who is in the same age group, in fact younger to me, who has no great family commitments, has email access at home and work and lives in another part of the globe who hardly responds to email. When you send her an email, there will be no response from her at all for a week or more. The first few times this happened, being the persuasive type, I even sent her an email asking her if she got my earlier ones. A response with some excuse will come in her own sweet time. After venting about it to K for several times, I still couldn't get this out of my mind. A month or so passes by and I swear to myself that enough is enough, from now on, I will not be the first one to send her an email and then feel this way about it. Exactly a month and a half later, she sends me an email just to catch-up, am definitely plesantly surprised here and reply right away. It has been a few days and again there has been no response from her.

I don't know her as well as I know my friend, and have no idea as to what to make out of her behavior which according to me is definitely odd. Even a blogger from Chennai, whom I know only through the comments on my blog, responds quickly. She is even less communicative if I happen to see her on chat online and over the phone answers to the point, so you kind of get the feeling that she doesn't want to talk much to you. So, what do I assume about this family member from her delayed responses, lack of initiative to converse over the phone etc. No, she can't be that busy to not respond to an email for a week or longer, what kind of a person is she, hmmm..makes me come to all sorts of conclusions.

One more day to go before the long weekend................

Dealing with Peer Pressure

2008-08-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

Peers are those people who are your age and peer pressure is when they try to influence how you act, to get you to do something etc. While peer pressure can sometimes be postive, most often, it becomes a powerful negative influence in our lives. Enough with the Psychology 101, but moving on...

Especially within the Indian community, while growing up, parents inadvertently compare their kids to their classmates, friends or to the children of other kids, as a result of which, the child tends to imbibe the ways of others around them and lose touch with individuality and originality, in some way or the other.

A good example that started the need for this post, for instance, when I was in my 12th grade, engineering was a mass appeal course that almost every science elective student wanted to pursue. Those who didn't get into engineering colleges, were left with options of B.Sc which was not a happy choice for many. Likewise, the commerce stream had their share of majority students attending the CA foundation classes and doing their B.Com etc. on a part-time basis. Welcome to Peer Pressure world...

Next came, the job market, where, no matter what the undergraduate education has been in, working in IT became a matter of pride and fitting in. Yes, there were others who had made other career choices, but, at what cost.

A parallel stream for those who wished to pursue masters education in abroad followed.

After degrees and jobs, came marriage, the pressure that many of your friends are getting married or have gotten married to eligible suitors while you are still single.

Once that stage has passed and your counter parts have settled in their respective lives either in US or in India, have bought homes etc. it is time for the baby syndrome to sink in.

"XYZ, who is a year younger to you and works in a good position, got married in 2003 and had her first baby in 2006 and is now pregnant with her second one", and where are you in this equation of life. Society, the community, family etc. are more vested to hear that you too are at the right phase in your current life. They seem to view you with pitiful eyes or disdain about your present condition, not once pausing to think that first of all, it is not anybody's business if you haven't found a job yet, or are still single or don't have a baby. Secondly, if you like your life the way it is now and are comfortable with your present status quo, does that make you any less smarter or what? People think that just because you are not part of the band wagon, doing the things that your friends and classmates are doing in their current life, you are losing out on the best things of life- such as career, marriage and having kids.

I have white colleagues at work who get married for the first time at 40 years, I am sure that would be frowned upon by several Indians. Their rationale is that they hadn't met someone whom they liked enough to get married sooner, while that can be considered both a pro and a con, would an Indian woman who marries for the first time at 40 be put to rest by gossip mongers? Well, that is not a great example, since the two cultures breed different mind-sets.

Many of my college mates are already mothers for the first time and it is that time when the rest of the group is beginning to venture into the next stage. Three of my close friends, two from school are pregnant at the same time and a third from college is pregnant with her second one. So, yes, there is a time when your peers are stepping into the next stage of their lives. Let that not force or bog you down to make those decisions that you are not ready to make in your lives.

Enjoy that college life or the early years of working in your first job, hanging out with your colleagues and friends without overly stressing about that next career progression move that you need to make, or enjoy the freedom of blissful single days spending your life as you wish or taking your time to start a family.

My friend Priya sent this forward to me, which I wanted to share on an ending note.

Being a Mum

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more "spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all.

I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.
I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her! That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

That an urgent call of "Mum!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she would be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that rest-room. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a Caesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.

I think she should know that she would fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble they're way into this most wonderful of callings.

A Day in Mexico

2008-08-21T15:06:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, K and I made a quick trip to San Diego for a mini vacation. During our stay there, we travelled 30 miles across the Baja California coastline to visit Mexico, a whole different country.

Tijuana, located in the northwest corner of the Mexican Republic, is the first destination that you come across once you cross the US border. Known as one of the the busiest border crossings, no doubt, with the tourist crowd and the local population of Hispanic and Americans, safety is of utmost concern to visitors. Since, we had heard quite some rumors about how unsafe it is to drive into Mexico, we hopped on to a tour bus run by Coach America and decided to sit back and enjoy the experience. Our bus driver was a Mexican who spoke fairly good English and throughout the day we were able to get a taste of how life in Mexico was.

We made a stop at the Rosarito Beach Hotel, 19 miles from Tijuana which has some great beaches and is a nice resort for water sports and horseback riding. Close to that is the Mexican counter part of Universal studios that displayed the ships that were were used during the shooting of Titanic and Pirates of Carribean movies.

Our final destination was Ensenada, located 70 miles from the border. Ensenada is a small seaport city on the shore of the "Todos Santos bay" where we had some authentic Mexican food and margaritas.

Some snap shots taken during our day in Mexico-

Apparently, you can take the trolley to the border in San Diego and walk across this sign to enter Mexico. There is no security check or any kind of surveillance when you enter the country. It is when you come back to the US, that you need a valid visa to enter the country and you will be questioned.

The largest flag of Mexico, 150 meters long proudly displayed.

The Mexican army apparently patrols the streets. We learnt that drinking on the street in Mexico or carrying an open container in Tijuana are considered public intoxication and illegal.

This is how a dentist office looks from the streets of Ensenada. Shopping in Tijuana is a tourist trap- they have authentic leather and great silver jewellery. Did you notice the Mexican STOP sign?

The Baja coastline would have looked better on a less foggy morning.

Do you recognize this ship- it was used in the Pirates of the Carribean movie.

Rosarito, a place for beaches

The Rosarito beach hotel that faces the beach.

Vising Mexico is a different experience altogether. When you think of US on one side of the border that is prosperity at its best, Mexico comes across as a cheaper version. Real estate- luxury resorts and condominums are rapdily coming up, built by US moguls on the highways lining the beaches, tourism and shopping add to the thriving economy here. Of course, if you are someone who loves to know the origin of Tequila shots, enjoy varieties of margaritas and like to spend your vacation lazing around the beach with a cocktail in your hand, Mexico is the place.

Have a great weekend.......

My Favorite Indian Women on Independence Day

2008-08-13T13:06:00.000-07:00

With the Indian Independence day approaching, wanted to pen down my thoughts on the changes that women (being the feminist that I am) in India have gone through.

There was a time when women's successes were measured by their being an efficient wife, a loving mother and caretaker to the other members of the household. Besides this role, came the added responsbility of how she was viewed in the eyes of the society- meaning did she have the right kind of attitude towards earning and self-reliance, did she hand over her earnings to the male head of the family without personal savings, did she carry out the honor of the family by following religious beliefs and adhere to cultural traditions etc. An unmarried woman after a certain age, a broken marriage or a woman unable to have a child were all measures of how successful a woman's performance in life was, unlike a male whose life in most of these scenarios remains untainted.

With globalization in the changing times, Indian women have broken the glass ceiling (in corporate environments) and are changing their behaviors and value systems. Today, women are willing to make sacrifices for the sake of their careers and are doing a fairly successful job of balancing both family and career lives. I guess this is also part of a free and independent progessive India that was the vision of several freedom fighters and thinkers.

Here are some women, who, in my eyes, are truly successful in their roles and responsibilities and serve as inspirational role models for the rest of us.

Kalpana Chawla, a NASA astronaut who made a mark in history by rocketing into space. Coming from a traditional family in Karnal, India she pursued her ambition amidst all obstacles and came to US to study aerospace engineering (MS and PhD) and advanced her career by starting out at NASA. She married an American Jean Pierre Harrison and continued to pursue the skies. Unfortunately, her life ended on Space shuttle Columbia in 2003 prior to the landing. A daring Indian woman whose aspirations were sky rocketing is worth remembering at this time.

Sudha Narayanamurthy, known to many as the wife of Infosys founder Narayanamurthy is a blend of the educationalist com social reformer. An avid writer and a full-time social worker contributing to the upliftment of several villages in rural India through the Infosys Foundation. Besides, being the founder trustee for the organization, she has been instrumental in bringing about true change in the lives of children for their education and in providing medical assistance to the poor. An IISC Bangalore graduate who has really made a difference in the current India.

Visaka Hari is a popular harikatha exponent reciting sangeetha upanyasam (musical discourse) of various Indian epics. She is the daughter-in-law of Sri Krishna Premi Anna of Paranur and married his first son Sri Hari Anna. Visaka who is an all Indian rank holder in her Charted Accountancy exams has dedicated her life to pursue her passion of spreading beautiful, melodious harikatha discourses to audiences in India and abroad. Her traditional attire in nine-yards sari, simplicity and the way with which she narrates stories that captivates her audience, be it a small child to an old man, marks her identity as a cultural ambassador for South Indian heritage. She is truly divinity personified at its best.

All these women are exceptional in their own way and have created a niche in today's independent India. I would be happy to hear some of your favorite Indian women, who you feel have made a difference in your lives.

India's First Individual Gold Medal at the Olympics

2008-08-11T08:52:00.000-07:00

Pic: Courtesy Getty Images

Abhinav Bindra makes India proud by winning the the first individual gold medal for 10 meters rifle shooting. Bindra at the age of 25 has not only created an Olympian achievement for himself, but has also set the standards for a generation that can now dare to hope for achievement more strongly. While India has scraped 8 gold medals for field hockey, Bindra was the first Indian to win his country an individual gold medal.

At the inaugral ceremonies of the Olympics on Friday, Indian athletes walked in their sharwani clothes acknowledging the cheers from the audience. The announcer was saying how India whose population has exceeded China has won only less than 10 medals during the past years, while China has not only amazed the world by putting up such a spectacular opening of the 2008 Summer Oylmpics, but also proudly competes with the US in almost every sport and rivals its medal tally. As you can see, China has thoroughly trained and prepared well for this event. Their hardwork and the pride with which they are hosting this event shows through.

Sports and athletics in India lack the importance that is given to it unlike in some other countries. This is because from a young age, when children start playing or spend too much time outdoors playing, not all parents encourage or welcome it. Most of them reprimand their kids and ask them to quit playing and focus on studying and getting good grades. As a result, there are fewer number of Leander Pears, Mahesh Bhoopathy, Prakash Padkone, Narain Karthikeyan and Abhinav Bindra's created. So, how can we complain that India sends lesser number of athletes to compete at the Olympic level? Also, sports such as shooting, tennis etc. are all considered affluent people's sports and yes, require spending lots of money to get a professional trainer/coach, getting the required gear, equipment, etc. Also, do we have the Bill Bellicheck, Phil Jackson like pro-coaches and trainers to mould our athletes, even if we have such talent, could we afford to pay them to keep them. With so many cons on our side, we can hardly hope for better performances at the Olympics.

But, with Abhinav Bindra's victory in shooting, there is some hope for the athletically inclined Indian youngsters to dream big and draw inspiration to work towards those lofty goals.

Bindra makes one and every Indian proud and happy with his individual achievement.

Sweet Talking your way to success

2008-08-05T13:37:00.000-07:00

While there are many forms of communication and different ways to talk to people, I've come to realize that being a sweet-talker can take you a long way both in professional and home life. It is ironical for me to write about this, since I am known for my quick temper and am definitely not sleek with the tongue either. But, I've recognized that in my work life, if I am looking to make a career out of my job, there is surely a lot more needed to grow and succeed, besides just being good at what you do.

It doesn't stop with being nice to your colleagues and boss, nor does it end with networking. In a profession that is all about managing people, one has to learn to become a social,networking bee. As a senior colleague of mine put it, "You have to come out of your shell, go beyond your comfort zone, do something bold and daring to make people take note of you." She was saying that how at one point in her career, it took her 10 months to muster the courage to approach the Director of Sales, (for example, assume she is a Sales Manager who wants to get promoted to the next level) to ask if she would go out for lunch with her. She took a bold step, came out of her comfort zone and after that meeting, which she said went great, her view of the Sales Director changed completely. During that lunch, she talked to the Director about next career moves, got her advise on what she needs to do to get into a higher level etc. Lo and behold,a few months later she got that next promotion which was lined up for a bunch of successful Sales Managers. Amongst, all of them, who were well qualified and interviewed for the position, my senior colleague was offered the position.

In a country where we are still an immigrant, it not only is enough if you work twice as harder as your white colleague, but, it is also vital to do that sweet-talk, which unlike any other form of expression, is the most effective tool in getting what you want. I am not saying that one has to be a sucker-up to their boss or their big boss to get a promotion, but, one must know how to use that charming personality that is hidden deep down within us and market ourselves with that quiet confidence. Yes, everyone is qualified, everyone has years of experience, is hard working etc. but do you have what it takes to go that extra mile by shedding your innate nature and becoming more social.

I am going to try my best to practise that in my professional life, though, this seems like the most daunting thing I've had to do so far. And, it is not easy for me either. While, I am quite the talker at home and with friends, it is the other way around at work, where my talking skills are toned down to a minimal level, in fact, too low to get noticed.

I am sure that writing a post isn't going to make me change my personality at work overnight to become a social gossip, but, atleast, it has got me started thinking about what skills I need to have to get into the next level.

The Perils of Old Age

2008-08-01T18:03:00.000-07:00

Rukku patti is 80 years old. Her story is similar to some other aging people, but is also different in its own way. Her husband passed away a few years ago. From the time she got married as a young girl, she lived with her husband in some places in North India and eventually came back to Chennai. Her husband didn't earn a steady income due to lack of being in one job for a significant amount of time. As a result, she always had to manage with the meager earnings and did a commendable job running the household on that. Sadly, she and her husband didn't have any children. Over the years, one of her sisters who was wealthy enough to own a posh house in Chennai, allowed her and her husband to live in a small side portion of the house for free. The portion consisted of a small room with a small kitchen and a bathroom outside behind the well of the house. Rukku patti was a strong-willed woman, she was very religious, had her daily routine carved out (visiting the Mupathamma temple and reading Lalitha Sahasranamam were part of that routine) and was a good wife who cared for her husband taking care of him in his old days.

Rukku patti and her sister weren't always on the best of terms. It was always a challenge for the two old women to get along and each of them, though living without their husbands in the same house, but in different portions, lead their lives separately. Rukku patti's sister's son and his wife and daughter lived in their own house within the same compound wall behind their house. The sister's son and daughter-in-law took tremendous care of Rukku patti and also financially supported her. After the death of her husband a few years ago, her health started failing her slowly, but steadily. Several slips in the bathroom, tripping while walking etc. led to her being diagnosed as having acute osteoporosis which cannot be cured given her age. Her mobility was restricted to having a walker around the house. Her most recent fall in the bathroom, led her to the hospital where she has been for the past 20 days. She is unable to walk anymore. Her sister's son and daughter-in-law who are also older people in their 60's with their own health issues attended to her sanitary needs during this condition and literally took care of her like a child. There are adult diapers, each diaper costs Rs. 270 or more which are used, since even the hospital staff prefer to use this rather than having a bedpan and also given the patient's age and inability to hold. But, given all practical situations, she cannot function independently once she returns from the hospital and it has become most difficult for those around her to continue to help her on a daily basis with basic life functions.

As a result, her sister's son under who has become the primary caretaker consulted with her brothers who are also older people and the rest of her family and has decided to admit her in an old age home. The monthly expenses for the home will be paid primarily by the sister's son and the other family members will also pitch in. It is not an easy task finding an old age home in Chennai these days, most homes admit people with several conditions, one of them being, the person must be independently able to walk to the bathroom, dining area etc. It is so hard to get a hired helper to attend 24/7 on one aging adult, when they have a home full of old people in different stages and conditions. Not to mention that the monthly charges and non-refundable fees are also expensive and additional charges must be paid if a helper is needed.

Rukku paati will be going to a home several miles away from Tambaram on Monday. She is my paati's sister and my parents are the one who have been helping her. I talked to her on the phone at the hospital yesterday and she was courageous to tell me no to worry about her going to a home and fully believed that she is grateful for the support and help my parents have been doing for over the past 30 years and realizes that she can't be a burden to them anymore.

But, it is indeed sad for both my parents and me to see her go. She was part of the home I grew up in and often always had a quick hot tiffin for me in the afternoons and was another paati to me, though I call her Rukku chitti, just like my dad. She would never be without giving me some small money gift on special festivals and occasions telling me that this was what she could afford and I should save it up and buy one dress and tell her that i got a dress with the money she gave me. Sitting in a far away country, all I can do is to think about those memories and tell my dad that I too will help pitch in for her old age home costs, just like the rest of the family.

I only wish and pray that Rukku paati has a smooth transition and continues to live the rest of her life with the pride, strong-will and dignity that she always kept.

A Double Tag Post- Genie and a Song

2008-07-25T13:05:00.000-07:00

Tag 1-

Usha of Veg Inspirations tagged me. According to her tag the rules are as follows:

"At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 or 6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read my blog". Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answers."-

1. What was I doing ten years ago?

Successfully completed first year of Electronics and Instrumentation Engineering at an all-girls college in Chennai. Was enjoying my college life like crazy.

2. Five things on Today's "To do" list

Get through this dull Friday afternoon at work.
Goto Curves.
Decide if dinner is at home or go out.
Complete The Mistress of Spices novel.
Try to end arguement with spouse.

3.I am addicted to :

Checking email every 5 minutes or so and wondering why someone didn't reply to my email promptly
Worrying about small things
Desserts and sweets
Illayaraja's music
Harry Potter books

4.Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

a) Build 2 dream houses, one in Chennai and one in Cupertino
b) Start my own HR consulting business
c) Travel to the world wonders
d) Live life like royalty, sigh...............

5. Places i have lived:

T.Nagar, Chennai.
Worcester and Wayland, Massachusetts.
Sunnyvale and Santa Clara, California.

Magic Lamp of Luck - The mighty Genie King and the beautiful Genie Princess from the magical Land of Faraway are back! Upon escaping the clutches of their Evil Master after being held captive for 1000 years, the magical genies have been busy flying on their Magical Flying Carpet, granting wishes and spreading love throughout the blogosphere.And now, the genies are back with a special gift for everyone! Behold the sacred, Magic Lamp of Luck! With this magic lamp, your blog will enjoy much good luck and fortune, warding off all things evil lurking around in the blogosphere.

We would like to share this magic lamp with you so please pass on the Magic Lamp of Luck to those in need of some good luck. Remember, do not be greedy or unkind, evil or vengeful and good luck & fortune will always be with you! Join us on another exciting magical adventure as we spread goodwill and good luck to one and all!

1. Add your site(s) to the list once you have received the Magic Lamp of Luck.
2. Pass on the Magic Lamp of Luck to as many people as you like. After all, everyone needs some good luck!
3. Leave a comment HERE once you’ve passed on the Magic Lamp of Luck. Once the Genie King and Genie Princess have visited your site to make sure your links are complete and proper, you will then be added to the Master List.
4. To ensure everyone receives equal link benefit, please UPDATE your list regularly!

I would like to pass this magic lamp of luck to all my blog readers and feel free to pursue this tag trail, if you are interested.

Tag 2- The Song Tag

Bavani of The Journey of Life has tagged me. Here are the tag rules-

1. Choose a song that describes/represents “you” and post it on your blog. You can add a story to it if you want.

I thought about this for a long time and can't seem to find one song that would describe me the best, I have pieces from song picturization and lyrics that I relate to at different times in my life. Illyaraja's music is my greatest salvation and while there are numerous songs of his that I am crazy about, I have always loved his "How to Name It" and "Nothing But Wind" albums.

The first one is an instrumental fusion album. The tracks how many ever times I listen to, woo me into their music and my mood changes with this background score. I love the tracks that are used in the movies Mouna Raagam and Veedu.

Song : Illayaraja's How to Name It

Tag Completed....feel free to take it up if you would like to share the song that best describes you.

Happy Friday.........

A Taste of Ethiopia in San Jose

2008-07-24T12:26:00.001-07:00

Pics: Courtesy of Zeni

Where is Ethiopia and what kind of food do they eat there were questions that were on my mind before K and I decided to try out this Ethiopian restaurant called Zeni in San Jose last Friday night. While we entered the restaurant at 7:15 and found that the place was a small, 2 roomed restaurant that (resembled a fast food place) had a combination of Ethiopian cultural seating arrangements on one room and regular tables on the other room. While there were 4 other couples waiting before us to be seated, we thought we should get a table in 30 minutes. But, we weren't seated until almost 8:00 or later, a good 45 minute wait time. While we were waiting, we noticed that the food was taking time to be delivered to the tables, causing the diners to linger more at their tables and hence a longer wait time.

We observed that the people who dined were mostly Ethiopians and extremely tall folks and several Indians were also present. I guess the reason for that would be that the menu had several vegetarian options and once we tasted the food, our suspicions were confirmed.

We started with the sambussa appetizer (which is a combination of samosa and puff) that was hot and tasted delicious with the spicy sauce that accompanied it. While, the main entree comprised of vegetarian dishes like Gomen Kitfo, Yemisir Wot, Kik Alticha, Ye-timatim fitfit, foule etc. Sound like gibberish? Well, all of them fortunately had explanations in English as to what the constitutents of the dish were and while I ordered the Yemisir Wot which is a pureed split red lentil dish cooked in a spicy sauce, K sampled the Atakilt Wot which was a curry comprised of boiled cabbage, carrot and potatoes. Both our dishes complimented well with each other and were served on a giant size dosa like dish called Injera which they say is a thousand year old Ethiopian unleaved bread. The only thing that I disliked was the waitress served both our curries on the same giant injera and K and I had to tear the bread and eat off of the same big plate, not the most hygienic eating practice.

The restaurant had a key board player who played some great tunes in the background which complimented the eating experience. The restaurant owner an Ethiopian dude came around most tables enquiring about the quality of the food etc. and also sold some of the dosa (injera bread) to folks who raved about its taste.

Zeni is a moderatly priced cuisine that caters to the Indian taste buds thoroughly.

Arranged Marriage to Open Marriage

2008-07-17T12:47:00.000-07:00

Most Indians can relate to the first part of the post. If you are born in India or an Indian born and raised in the US, you will surely have atleast heard or had an arranged marriage. India is still one of those countries that has the record high of arranged marriages, no surprises there, though the divorce rate is also slowly, but steadily creeping up in present times. What with the advent of outsourcing, BPO's, women working night shifts and having higher education and more financial independence, along with which comes lesser tolerance to put up with crap from a male dominated society, divorce is also happening more commonly these days amongst Indians.

In my grandmother's generation, she got married as a child at 11 without even seeing my grandfather, the wedding was arranged by the families and they've been happily married for 50 plus years. In my mother's time, she went through the bride seeing process and ended up marrying my father whom she saw briefly for 10 minutes before a group of relatives and my parents have been happily married for 25 years or so. Growing up in India and having come to US for a masters education unmarried, I knew that I didn't have a choice to date (given that my folks had a lot of trust on me that I would go the arranged marriage way). Thanks to all the horrors of horoscope matching, the filtering process etc. I ended up marrying K, the first guy whom I met, though we definitely interacted a lot more than my mother and grandmother ): before making the decision.

I am sure that there may be others who have gotten married the arranged way, others who were lucky enough to marry the person they fell in love with etc.

Has anyone heard of the term "open marriage". The first time I heard it was yesterday morning when I was driving to to the train station to get to work, on the Don Blue show in FM 101.3 when they talked about how the actor Will Smith revealed that he and his wife Jada Pinkett-Smith have an open marriage. Apparently, open marriage means when you tell your spouse that you want to sleep around with someone else. It seems that honesty is the basis of this relationship where in the couple are honest with one another in expressing their attractions to someone else and then ask the other partner if they are okay with them sleeping with someone else. Will was quoted saying that he wasn't sure of his reactions on how he would respond to Jada's question if she wanted to have an affair, but, he thought that she should okay his intention. Given that Jada is being given honesty about his actions first from him rather than hearing it from the tabloids or someone else.

Folks listening to the radio were asked to call in to voice their opinion on the open marriage concept. While, I personally feel that the open marriage fluff stuff will fly only for movie stars and those type of people where morals are defined differently. Even, the most liberal person who is open to gay and lesbian relationships would want to have their partner exclusive to themselves all the time. One of the callers was saying that it doesn't make a wrong doing right if you confess about doing the wrong thing.

Given the background from where I come from, this seemed like an interesting thing to blog about.

Sudha Raghunathan sizzles again in Bay Area

2008-07-14T10:34:00.000-07:00

SIFA is Bay Area's leading organization that promotes South Indian classical music, both vocal and instrumental music and also classical dance Bharathnatyam. Thanks to the SIFA committee and volunteers who manage to bring great artists from India every year during the summer season to perform for the huge desi population.

Sudha Ragunathan, one of the leading singers of Carnatic music, performed at the India Communicy Center auditorium in Milpitas last evening. The concert scheduled to start at 4:00, began at 4:30 and the crowd that thronged the entrance to the hall with the packed parking lot was an indicator of Sudha's popularity in the Bay Area. It has become a tradition to have Sudha sing in the Bay Area every year. She started off with a Jalajakshi varnam that proceeded with an invocation to Lord Ganesha. A unique feature in Sudha's concerts are that she provides a brief introduction on the song that she is about to render in her meliflous English. She also took the opportunity to welcome the Bay Area audience. I wouldn't want to forget to mention the fact that Sudha's jewellery and traditional pattu sarees add more beauty to the concert. I've always loved the accessories that she wears and found that her website has a tab dedicated to her wardrobe collection of sarees, must check out-
http://www.sudharagunathan.com/photogal_view.asp?PGID=3

She sang and she sang alapanai after alapanai with the clock ticking away and it was almost 7:30 (she had sung for 3 hours). Meanwhile, requests for favorite renditions from the audience started coming to the stage and with her pleasing smile, Sudha said that she would either sing Ragam Tanam Pallavi (RTP) or change the course of the concert with the audience requests. While, the RTP calls were heard louder than the others, she proceeded to dedicate a 45 minute to prove her skill and musical prowess.

While, I have a strong preference to hear more kritis and thukdas sung in the latter half of a good kutcheri, I guess it was hard for me to sit through the elaborate RTP, while I kept thinking how many beautiful thukdas she could have sung. After RTP, she moved on to Marukelara, Kanda Naal Mudhal, Vishamakara Kannan, Brahmam Okate (that had the audience clapping their hands), Chinnan Chiru Kileye Kanamma etc. I loved the tamil songs, expecially the new ones that she sang with so much spirit.

I had to leave towards the end of the concert during the Vote of Thanks, since didn't want to get caught in the crowds trying to pull out of the parking lot after the concert. But, even then, it lasted for 4 hours. I don't think that kutcheris in Chennai are sung this long, but, given that this is a once in a year opportunity, Sudha truly sang for her fans.

On the drive back home, memories of concerts that I used to go with my dad in Krishna Gana Sabha and Vani Manal during my school and college years came back and how I wish I could spare the time or turn the clock to relive those days again.

A Friend's Article and a Blogger's Achievement

2008-07-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

I have two articles/news items that I wanted to share through this post. The first one is an interview from my school buddy who lives in Dubai and works as a Project Coordinator for the British Council in UAE. She was interviewed by a journalist for The National (www.thenational.ae) and had her interview published in the "This much I know" column for their Arts and Life section. The article titled "There's no point in worrying" gives her take on life, work etc. in Dubai and when she sent me a scanned copy of the article this morning, I felt so proud of her.

While, most people have different faces, one at home/family and the other for their work/public life, what I truly like about my friend is that she is just one true face to all who know her. Her interview was as open and frank as her nature is and reading through her interview made me feel that this is one girl who hasn't changed since her school days. I am so happy for her success and accomplishments and wish her the very best in professional and family life.

Her interview can be read at : http://www.thenational.ae/article/20080706/ART/877161217

The second news item is about a Calcutta whiz high school student Rik Sengupta who has got admissions into 7 top US universities along with stunning scholarships. He got into Yale, Caltech, MIT, Duke,Williams College, Amherst College and Princeton for his undergraduate education. My parents sent me an article on his achievments that was recently published in Times of India. The article can be read at- (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/3115561.cms )

Rik's SAT and TOEFL scores were jaw dropping, not to forget his extra-curricular talents and achievements. We hear of high achivers here and there, but, this is one Indian boy who has truly proven his credentials and made us all proud.

While I googled his name, Rik's blog http://thethirteenthdimension.blogspot.com showed up and I asked him if it would be okay for me to write about his accomplishments in my blog, for which he willingly agreed.

Thank you Rik and wishing you the very best in your educational pursuits at Princeton.

There are indeed high achivers around us that we often come across and wish that more of us could be like them.

Anniversary Dinner at Arya Global Cuisine

2008-07-01T14:41:00.000-07:00

As you drive past the Wolfe intersection on Stevens Creek Blvd in Cupertino, there is a small sign that says Arya Global Cuisine on the side and "Persian-Italian-American" at the restaurant entrance catches your eye. It is easy to miss this if you don't watch out or know which intersection to look for. This is where K and I went for our anniversary dinner last night. Having eaten at most of the South Bay restaurants to the point of getting bored, I strongly said that we try out a place where we've never been before on this special day.

Arya as the name suggests, does not have anything to do with the Tamil actor, is tucked away as quietly as Mynt is in San Jose. There is ample parking at the rear of the restaurant. While the global cuisine with the Middle Eastern, Italian and American combo makes you curious, the interior of the restaurant felt Persian. Since it was a Monday, there were many empty tables and we were given one right away. Our waitress Kara was an interesting lady who rambled off her suggestions on what we try out as vegetarians and made us feel very comfortable.

The service here is excellent, very personable and pleasant staff who kept showing their courtesies from the time we sat down till we walked out of the door. While we tried the baked Manicotti with its oozing cheese flavor for the Italian part and the vegetarian kebabs along with saffron/basmati rice for Persian taste, both dishes tasted pretty good. The pita bread served was too dry and could have been better.

The dishes are a little pricey, but definitely some choices for vegetarians. Looks like they have music and dance on a stage for late weekend diners.

If you are in the neighbourhood and are looking for a place with good ambience, okay-good quality food and great service, then Arya is worth a visit.

Friday Blues

2008-06-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

The past couple of days have been stressful for me. The stress comes from making some decisions that I am really torn between. Having made 2 short 10 day India trips within 5 months gap to attend my parents 60th and my brother-in-law's wedding, there is a need for me to make another trip within the coming months. To someone who thinks that India trips are definitely not a fun vacation, since it involves the physical strain, jet-lag, adjusting to the different personalities, expenses etc. this comes as a hard decision to make. 3 India trips within a year!!! The airlines ticket prices with the increase in fuel have sky rocketed. A flight from SFO to South india via Europe costs $1910 these days. Also, at work, it looks totally unprofessional when I have to approach my boss (however flexible they may be) to grant me time off to go to India for the third time within a year's span of time.

While it is sure nice to meet parents, family etc. and enjoy mom and mil's cooking, the trip turns out to be packed with activities, temple/pilgrimage visits, without a day's rest and becomes so hectic. I am sure that this is the case for most of you where you have an agenda on an India trip, not to forget the back and forth between staying at your place versus in-laws. All this assuming you are on good health, imagine getting a viral infection, a stomach bug and add that to the trip, as well. The hardest part comes after I return, to get back to the routine- both at work and at home, getting caught up on the piled up work, jet lag etc.

If I decide not to go for the third trip, which is what I am leaning towards at this point, my family is unhappy, since it is for another festive occasion and they don't want to go ahead with the festivities without my presence. This puts me on the spot and am feeling guilty, since they are going to cancel the festivity because of my absence. If I make up my mind to go, everyone is happy, except me, since I feel that I've been forced to make this trip, which I don't want to go in the first place. So, ultimately, it boils down to whether I want to be happy or guilty.

Decisions, decisions are always complex, more so when family is involved.

What with all this on mind, I am looking forward to the weekend and my anniversary. Hope that blog is more cheerful than this one.

Have a fabulous STRESS FREE WEEKEND.....

The "Secret" Tag

2008-06-23T10:55:00.000-07:00

A-kay tagged me, thanks to her and the secret tag rules, I have to reveal 10 secrets about myself. Not that I am a very secretive person, since I am known to be a blabber-mouth, but, I guess this requires some introspection into myself to see what secrets can be unfolded out of me. So, without further adieu, not in any particular order-

1. I am very strong-willed and totally unflexible in most of life situations. Poor K keeps bringing this to my attention time and again.

2. I've always wanted to be a class leader and happily been that for 4 years during my under grad years.

3. I enjoy and relish my own cooking or home cooked meals better than any fancy restaurant, especially on weekends when I thoroughly savor every bit of my own food.

4. I get angry when someone disturbs, irritates or teases me while I am eating.

5. I had an open awe and admiration, not, so secret, since the whole college teased me about it, for my 50year old white haired HOD, who resembled the white haired Kamal in the Indian movie.

6. I can't get along well with people who are equally short-tempered as me, be it younger, same age or even older folks.

7. For a selected few close friends, I will do anything to help them and will always remain loyal, one such friend is my best friend from college Subha.

8. I have never eaten non-vegetarian food throughout my life and will probably never try out.

9. I like most tall, well built African American basketball NBA players. I think they are really cool guys.

10. Last, but not the least, I enjoy reading Mills & Boon, Harlequin romance books featuring Sheikhs.

Now, passing on this secret tag to Na_an, Cham, Laksh, Bavani and Aparna.

Let the secrets unfold....

Prescription for Happiness

2008-06-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

A few weeks go KQED had a late night program on Deepak Chopra who talked about his recent work The Happiness Prescription and also about his book "Buddha: A Story of Enlightenment". For those of you who are not familiar with him, Deepak is one of the most well known physicians in the world for his mind body medicine programs. He has written numerous books, released hundreds of audio, video, CD-ROMs on spiritualism and health. He is best known for his approach to combining conventional western medicine concepts with natural Indian healing techniques for promoting spiritual health and well being. More information on the Chopra Center and his programs can be found on his website .

As K and I sat listening to his talk late into the night, I found myself taking notes of his speech(for those who don't know me, I am so into taking notes, a habit that started in college and continues into work and home life, making me too organized at times). I needed more than a piece of paper to keep track of the contents of his speech and so here I am blogging away.

Deepak's talks are often very clear infused with subtle humor here and there to spice up the content. According to him, a prescription to achieve happiness amongst humans depends on 3 factors- 1.Biological set point, 2. Meditation and 3. Cognitive therapy. After all, happiness is a more than a sense of feeling or a state of the mind that all of us want to achieve and remain at.

1. Biological set point- This is dependent on whether you see the situations in your life as problems or opportunities. It is genetically determined and results show that you can take medication/drugs which will improve your seratonin uptake in the brain and make you feel happy. But, this lasts only for a while and once the medication wears off, the happy feeling goes away.

2. Meditation- While there is a common misconception that meditation is for those who are into spiritualism, etc. it is proved that by meditating for a few minutes daily, the pre-frontal cortex of the brain gets activated and releases dophamine, oxytocin and seratonin like hormones that changes the set point for happiness.

3. Cognitive therapy- When we get rid of a firm belief that is making us depressed, we will become happy. He quotes Buddha as the original cognitive therapist.

Corollary 1- Life situations determines our state of happiness. For example, if we buy a home, win a lottery etc. these are all factors that will make us happy. On the other hand, life tragedies such as loss of a loved one, divorce, etc. make us unhappy. It is remarkable to note how life situations determine our state of happiness.

Corollary 2- Voluntary actions determines our state of happiness. The choices that we make give us gratification but last only for a short time. These are transient and fulfilment occurs when we have a sense of accomplishment and gives us long standing happiness. The golden rule is to make others happy if you want to be happy. This comes from recognizing that we are part of a greater being/world.

He refers to Buddha's Four Noble Truths namely Suffering, The Cause of Suffering, Cessation of Suffering and the Path to attain Happiness to understand this concept better. According to him, like a physician, it helps to follow these steps to determine why a person is unhappy.

1. Diagnosis- Humans go through suffering. Life contains suffering amongst other things, it is important to diagnose this.
2. Causes of this condition- People are unhappy because they grasp and cling on to impermanent things etc. Identify the causes of suffering in our lives.
3. Prognosis- This is ending the condition that has been caused/created by us.
4. Prescription- This is the fun part where the doctor gets to prescribe solutions/medicines to get rid of the condition to make the person well.

This was the essence of Deepak Chopra's talk on his prescription for happiness. While many concepts here are hard to understand at first and even more difficult to practise on a daily basis, it seemed like he had all the right solutions.

Bay Area Desi Women Bloggers Meet

2008-06-17T09:43:00.000-07:00

Blogging has now become something that many of us pursue, in our spare time or we even make time to write about stuff. Be it a cooking recipe that you tried or a movie that you want to review or a fiction short story that you want to share or simply a place to keep track of life's happenings, we all blog for different reasons. While, we visit blogs from all over the globe, there is always a spark of interest when you stumble across a blog from the same city or place that you blog from.

Well, that having been said, Bay Area is vast and the desi poulation here is mind boggling. Wherever there are desis, food is a key topic. Indian cuisine is extensive, there are so many varieties of dishes- North Indian, South Indian etc. and it is amazing how many new dishes you can gather out of all the culinary bloggers who are so generous in sharing their recipes with the rest of the blog community.

Thanks to A-kay and a few other bloggers in the Bay Area who met and formed a group for Bay Area Desi Food Bloggers earlier this year. With several potential interested bloggers, me being the only non-food blogger in the area, after a bunch of emails, we met on Saturday, June 14th at the Passage to India Bakery buffet as a larger group, with some newbies joining in for this second get together , including me, Cham , Uma , Mansi and Radhika . Some of the bloggers who had already met for the first time earlier in the year were glad to meet up for second time and they included The Cooker , The Taste Tinkerer and of course A-kay .

It was an interesting group of women who had taken the time off from their weekend routine, kids etc. and special thanks to one blogger who drove down 2 hours from Sacramento for this meeting. While we all had different backgrounds, some even spoke a different language, some more talkative than others, the time just flew by as we made introductions and were warming up.

Hope that the other bloggers in the group, who couldn't make it for this meeting, will be able to come for the next gathering. A pleasant experience in meeting with strangers, hopefully will continue.

To Dear Appa on Father's Day

2008-06-13T10:50:00.001-07:00

As Sunday is Father's Day and I am missing the presence of my dad here with me in US, thought this would be a good time to jot my thoughts on the occasion. Also, knowing that my dad reads my blog regularly, this is something he will enjoy reading, hopefully.

As an only child and a daughter, I am my dad's favorite and vice versa- he means the world to me, in every possible sense. As most daughters would agree, a father-daughter relationship is very special in its own way. My experiences with my dad have and continue to be the best cherished times of my life.

My dad was a small-scale business owner who ran his own factory and pursued his passion of working for himself. He was always known amongst family and friends for his strong decision making skills, easy to get along with personality and his simplicity. Unlike some fathers who don't play a role in their child's life, besides providing monetary support to the family, he played a significant part in sharing the burden of managing the home and raising me along with my working mother. I fondly remember my childhood and early school days when my dad would iron my uniform, polish my shoes, tie my laces and carry me to the rickshaw to take me to school. Also, my dad can cook and I adore him so much for his helping skills around the kitchen, he is an expert in making tea and is the one who makes the morning beverages for mom and me.

Appa is attached to his motorbike, since his Guindy Engineering college days when he had a Bullet, then a Java bike to his Hero Honda days which he had until recently. Growing up, he taught me to ride a bicycle, got me my first one in 5th grade, then taught me to ride a two-wheeler on his bike around the playground, got me my first "Sunny" in my 10th grade. I can't think of a time when I've asked or wanted something and he has denied it to me, sometimes, I guess that is why people think being an only child spoils you. He spent lots of money putting me through a self-financing engineering college and then funding me for the most part of my masters education in US.

Growing up during my teenage years, there were many a times when the two of us would get on the bike and go watch a night show movie or go to the ice cream parlor. He would talk about his college days and all the fun he had hanging out with his buddies, my dad was a cool guy at college and still is a cool type to me. What is interesting is, that we share a lot of common interests- like we both love listening to similar music-both filmi and classical, have similar food favorites and even think alike in many situations.

Appa is very religious minded and spends his days now listening to religious discourses, music concerts and reading voraciously. A staunch believer and follower of hindu customs who taught me everything I know about upholding values. I only wish that I could proudly say that I take after my dad in all ways, but, that would not be entirely true. He raised me like a son, giving me ample freedom (though he didn't like any of my male friends) and put his trust on me.

Wishing him A Happy Father's day and to his health and well being. Thank you for everything you've given me- you are the best.

"A Father Just Like You" by Anonymous

"I just want you to know
you mean the world to me,
Only a heart as dear as yours
would give so unselfishly.

The many things you've done,
all the times that you were there,
helps me know deep inside
how much you really care.

Even though I might not say,
I appreciate all you do,
Richly blessed is how we feel
having a father just like you."

NBA 2008- Basketball Fever

2008-06-09T14:30:00.000-07:00

While America is raging with the NBA fever as the Boston Celtics clash against the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals of NBA 2008, I too am catching up with this fever.

To give a little background on how my obsession with this sport started- When i landed in Boston in the fall of 2001 to go to graduate school, I ended up staying at my aunt's place for the most part of my student years. My cousin who was born here was in middle-school at that time and an active basketball player, a point-guard for his school team. While, the two of us spent time shooting baskets outside the house, I also got to go along with my aunt and uncle to see all his games and slowly started getting more familiar with the rulles and terminology of the sport. Many of my weekends were spent in driving with them for miles to take him to play his varsity games etc. Slowly, middle school basketball interest transformed into watching NBA, and of course, the Celtics became a local favorite.

While, I've not been watching every game in the eastern conference and western conference, the Celtics clashing with the LA Lakers is something that cannot be ignored. The Boston Celtics have not won the NBA championship in more than 20 years and the Lakers had their last winning in 2004. So, its more than fair for me to support the Celtics, given that they really deserve to win. K thinks that being a Californian now, my loyalties should be towards the Lakers, but, I am not budging. While, he is rooting for Kobe Bryant, the Lakers superstar to dunk, I am cheering my head off for the Celtics superhero Paul Pierce to continue his phenomenal shotting record. Our living room with the 52" plasma TV (watching basketball on high definition is simply super) comes alive during those last few minutes of the fourth quarter.

Games 1 and 2 were played in Boston on last Thursday and Sunday and the Celtics beat the Lakers 108-102 last night. With a NBA pro coach like Phil Jackson (whom I whole heartedly admire) coaching the Lakers, its indeed hard to imagine them not play hard. The Celtics coach Doc Rivers has indeed brought this team together and including bench players like James Posey, Leon Powe who seem to shine through along with cute Rajon Rondo, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce, it is a treat to watch them all play.

With Game 3 coming up in the Staples Center in LA tomorrow night, am counting the hours, I am sure that the Lakers will play hard defense on their home territory. Hopefully, theere will be all 7 games played to satisfy the quench of fans like me during this NBA season.

A Hike to Stanford Dish in the Foothills

2008-06-06T14:11:00.000-07:00

Photos: Visual Art Services, SU

Now, that its summer and the weather outside is glorious, there are weekends when we decide to do short hikes in and around the county parks etc. in the Santa Clara valley area. Last weekend, K and I went to the Stanford dish area located close to the I-280 and foothills. The Foothills are primarily a habitat conservation area whose trails are open to the public for taking hikes, jogging and of course to breathe in the beautiful panoramas of the peninsula. The dish is located on Stanford University property academic reserve private property and is free to the public.

The Stanford Dish is a radio telescope that was built in 1961 and is a 150-foot diameter Dish, that is still actively used for research and teaching purposes around the Stanford community. It is operated and maintained by the SRI International and owned by the US government. It is actively used to scan distant planets and galaxies.

The hike is approximately 3.5 miles around the loop and begins with a steep-ish 20 minute hike that is a sure test to your knees. Be prepared to get sore tender glutes the next day. It is absolutely a great work-out during summer time and it took us roughly 1 hour and 30 minutes to walk around the dish. The trail is paved and goes up and down. Cool hay art called "Making hay" statues greet you at the entrance to the hike and good views of Stanford's Hoover tower, Dumbarton Bridge, SF etc. can be obtained as you trudge up and down the hills.

I never realized how much I miss open spaces and furry woodland creatures (tons of squirrels cross ur path), we even saw a bunny rabbit, until coming here. What was amazing is there are folks who jog this entire dish area, you can also see different kinds of people, students, families with kids being pushed up the hill on their strollers, old people who are fit and agile to take this intense hike.

The Dish is not just used for academic programs alone, but, is also used for environmental restoration by the Stanford Conservation Biology program (to study the type of brown native grass that grows here) and for habitat conservation purposes, as well.

If you live in the Bay area and would like to get some good workout, a hike around the dish will surely shake some muscles and burn that fat.

Have a great weekend....

Booky Tag

2008-06-04T08:42:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged by A-kay, to do this booky tag. While, I am not a major fan of tagging, but, this booky tag seemed different and intellectual to follow. Also, I just finished reading "The Mango Season" by Amulya Malladi yesterday. Hadn't heard of this author before, until one of the bloggers recommended her other book,"Serving Crazy with Curry", but, since that one was out in the local library, I picked up "The Mango Season".

Before, I go off track to discuss the book- let me follow the tag rules-
1. Pick up the nearest book
2. Open to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence
4. Post the next 3 sentences
5. Tag five people, and acknowledge the person who tagged you

"See the Saptarishi?" he asked, pointing at the constellation of seven stars shaped like a question mark."For the longest time I couldn't see Arundhati," he said. In the Saptarishi constellation of stars, the last but one star at the bottom, which is Vashishtha, has a small star revolving around it, and that is Arundhati. The myth is that if you cannot see Arundhati, you will have bad luck....lots of it.

Now, a little bit on the book..Amulya Malladi has portrayed all the characters in this book with a touch of realisticness. The story revolves around a software engineer Priya who returns to India for a visit during the summer months where mango season is in full swing. Coming home to Hyderabad after living for 7 years in the Silicon Valley, Priya is torn between the two worlds, the people in her life from both the worlds. Not only does she have to battle the differences in life style, intense family politics, personalities etc. but, also carries the herculean task of letting her family know about her American boyfriend Nick whom she is living with and has a relationship with. The Mango theme is very much carried throughout the book as the author shares recipes of Avakai pickle, mango pappu, etc. The book is a fast read and depicts clearly the family values, concept of arranged marriages and traditions of India.

Per the booky tag rules, encouraging bloggers to read a book that they might have forgotten or missed reading, now tagging-

1. Spillay
2. Sachita
3. Na_an
4. Balaji
5. Bavani

Folks- don't feel compelled to do this booky tag, if you don't want to.

Awkward Situation

2008-06-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

From the time I started working, I've always used the Caltrain to commute to work. It's just convenient to take the train as your daily commute, since you can relax, beat the hassle of traffic and of course save up on GAS bigtime. Given that my employer pays for my caltrain pass, this has been my preferred commute. Caltrain is very popular in the Bayarea and gets you to and from San Jose to SFO in an hour's time or so.

My boss retired in late January and we got a new boss (who was hired out of retirement), quite ironical. She is not really new to me, since she was working in my department when I first started in this job and then moved to another department and came back again. We used to take the train to go home in the evenings during those days.

Last week, we bumped into each other at the train station on our evening ride back home. While we both sit in adjacent offices and have lots of daily interactions on work etc during the day. It was surprising to see her at the train station as well, after work. Considering that we both have the same 10 minute walk from our office to the station and we left separately. Well,things have changed since the last time we were commuters, meaning, she is now my direct supervisor, it does feel weird to be at this close quarters with her. While we were chatting as the train pulled in, I was about to bid her goodbye and go find myself a seat in a different car and she said that she would do the same. Not only did we both end up on the same car, but, she invited me to sit on the next seat beside her. We started talking a lil bit about our lives, she told me about her family and enquired about my background as well. She also shared that she would get off the train at the same station as I do, she lives in walking distance to my house- can you beat that!

It surely feels awkward for me to interact with her at work, commute back on the train with her after work and also know that she lives in the same neighborhood. While, she is so far nice, very pleasant etc. it still feels strange for me to have this sort of interaction with her. I guess maintaining a healthy distance with one's boss is always good. This will be one awkward situation that I need to handle tactfully.

Memorial day weekend: Lassen-Mt.Shasta-Crater lake

2008-05-29T10:29:00.000-07:00

The pictures come first

Our Van-

Lassen Volcanic Natl. Park-

Sulphur peaks

Sundial Bridge at Turtlebay

Tree house inside the Botanical garden at Sundial bridge-
Crater Lake,OR snow covered

Shasta Caverns

We were 4 couples who rented a 12 seater passenger van, kudos to the guys for driving the huge vehicle through snow, hail and rain. It was a lot of fun with the girls taking the credit for all the variety food that was cooked and packed for this 3 day trip.

Day 1- Our first stop on Saturday morning was at Lassen Volcanic National park, which was for the most part closed due to the heavy covering of snow. We made a brief stop at the sulphur peaks, the geothermal area where a pungent odour of sulphur was emanating from the peaks. Took a lot of photos and boarded the van and headed out to Turtlebay and Sundial bridge spots on our way past Redding into Shasta.

The sundial bridge as its name, is an architectural bridge shaped like a "harp" musical insutment with strings attached. The walkway was beautiful and ended at the botanical gardens area. Highlights were several varieties of plants, flowers, a bamboo made treeh house, fountains etc. A very serene place which was one of the highlights of the trip for me.

Day 2- We drove from the Coldcreek Inn (where we were staying with more friends, Sundar's family and Balaji's family where also doing the trip) to Crater Lake, Oregon. We drove through Klamath National forest and Winema national forests and the scenary was spectacular along the 3 hour drive. Crater lake, as many would agree, is breathtaking in all its shape and beauty. The lake and surrounding area was snow covered and added a Christmas postcard quality to the visit. After a sumptous south indian meal (thanks to the girls), snow fights and several photo sessions followed suit.

Our late afternoon stop was at a small town Ashland in Oregon (again thanks to Sundar for sharing about this place). We spent sometime walking along one of the trails in Lythia Park (that has a river running along thw alking trail abd is full of greenery on either sides). We ate at the Deep Indian cuisine restaurant (hot north indian food) which was owned by Mr.Deep, a former Bay area restaurant guy. We drove back after a tiring, but, exciting day to our Shasta inn.

Day 3- After saying goodbyes to the Sundars and Balajis, we checked out and drove to the Bunny flat trailhead to have a glimpse of Mt.Shasta. A few pictures later, we were driving along the winding roads on our way to Shasta caverns. A boat ride followed by a 15 minute bus tour to the cavern entrance and a 1 hour tour of the caverns was time well spent. The lively tour guide Julie was a major attraction to the guys and showed us the caverns well. The interior of the caverns were filled with stalagmites and stalactites (conical shaped sturctures) and the cathdreal room was filled with them was the highlight of the tour. Due to lack of time, we had to miss visiting McArthur Burney falls and Shasta dam. After a lunch stop at Subway, we arrived back at Bay area on Monday evening.

A good trip with lots of driving (1100 miles approximately), nature attractions, great food and most importantly in the company of friends was a long weekend well spent.

I am Chatty and Nice....

2008-05-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Sundar (http://sundar72.blogspot.com/2008_05_01_archive.html) and A-kay (http://madras2madurai.hopto.org/blog/)who've bestowed upon me the "I'm Nice" and "I'm Chatty" awards respectively.

Being Nice Award- This award is given to those that are just nice people , good blog friends and those that inspire good feelings and inspiration! Those that care about others that are there to lend support or those that are just a positive influence in our blogging world!" (quoted from Sundar). He gives me this award for always encouraging him to blog.

While I've had my own share of disappearances in the blog world that can only be attributed to laziness and lethargy, not to mention, occasional lack of quality topics to blog about. I've always felt the comments from fellow bloggers is a huge inspiration to continue blogging on a regular basis. While, that has been my pep-up factor to blog as often as possible, it has also made me visit the blogs of others and see the variety of topics that they have to share with the blog world.

I'm Chatty Award- This award is given to someone with whom a good cup of tea can be combined along with a good chat. I can't think of receiving this award from anyone more appropriate than A-Kay. While, we first started posting comments on each other's blogs, we felt the need to know more about the other person (there was a strong feeling that we shared a lot in common). What followed suit were a bunch of back and forth emails in 24-48 hrs between A-kay and me to discover more about each other. We found out that we live in the same city, our husbands share the same last name, we are both DINKS couple, South Indians etc. If this can't be attributed to chatty, I can't think what else would qualify.

I am so happy to receive both these awards from fellow blogger pals and would like to pass them to others in this virtual community whose blogs I think would qualify in these genres.

I'm Nice Award is being passed on to :

Na_an (http://ag-thinker.blogspot.com) -For always being nice, known this person since college. Also, welcome this new comer to the blog world and to blog more.

Aparna (http://aadha.blogspot.com)- For being one of my early blog readers when I first started blogging.

Laksh (http://www.lakshmusings.com/musings)- A blog space that fosters healthy group discussion topics.

I'm Chatty award is being passed on to:

Sachita (http://sachitaindia.blogspot.com)- For expressing profound ideas and being so chatty (another college pal)

Cham (http://spice-club.blogspot.com)- Another award to add to her kitty, thank you for being the first person to comment on my blog most of the times.

Sundar (http://www.sundar72.blogspot.com)- For being the chatter and conversationist he always is and will be.

Thank you bloggers...

Small Joys in Life

2008-05-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

Everyone of us have small joys and happiness that we get out of life from time to time. There are also small wishes and things that happen to make your day seem more brighter and worth living for. Today was one such day for me. With the upcoming long Memorial day weekend, dear husband has taken a couple of additional vacation days off to stay home and relax. While, I am waking up to take the 7:30 am train and get to work, he gets to sleep in.

On an impulse, I invited him to drive up to my work place for lunch this afternoon. We've done lunch "dates" (to give it a special name) before on occasion when K has driven up to meet me for lunch. I took the shuttle to meet him at California Pizza Kitchen ASAP in the Shopping Center. It was a nice feeling to meet up for lunch, definitely a change from the routine eating at the desk habit for me and also felt different for us to meet up in the middle of a working day for a meal. Given, that the day is nice and sunny, only added to the happiness I felt.

Incidentally, at work (I work in an academic setting), our Diversity & Access Office and HR Services along with the different cultural groups was throwing a Multicultural Springfest 2008. This is an annual event celebrating the University's staff and its diversity. Some of the actively participating diverse groups are the African-American staff group, American Indian staff forum, Asian staff forum, Filipino-American community, Disability staff forum, La Raza staff association and the Queer University employees group etc. The springfest includes free music, entertainment, art displays, FREE FOOD, t-shirts and raffle prizes for all staff.

After lunch, we drove to the Multicultural springfest, had some dessert (pineapple upside down cake-yum), got some free t-shirts and mugs after which he dropped me back in the office.

What a nice way to break the routine office mode......now, back to work.

Have a great long weekend.

A Fightful Weekend- Mistakes Made and Lessons Learnt

2008-05-19T08:42:00.000-07:00

This was one of those weekends where I ended up fighting with one of my good girl friends. What started out as a dull conversation, due to a misunderstanding, soon became an atomic blow-up and my behavior played a significant role in worsening the situation.

Little did I realize that an innocent phone conversation, that was supposed to make plans for a weekend outing would turn out to be so conflicting. While it has been a few years since I got so riled up and exhibited tendencies and behavior worthy of a kinder gardner, nevertheless, it made me feel that in some ways, I still haven't matured or learnt to behave wiser. When I see conflict with another person, instead of trying to avoid blowing it up or atleast withdrawing, forget even making peace, I charge ahead like a firm headed bull (so typical of my taurean nature) and say a lot of hurtful things about the person on the other end. And, I do all this with a raised voice filled with emotional tension and anger, which only adds more negative impact to the situation. What starts out as an angry outburst proceeds full blast into a blameful tirade, where I bring out all the past issues from several incidents, that probably, don't have relevance to the current issue at hand and what I have is a classic recipe for a snowball fight.

I have very less thought on the outcome of this, on what would happen to damage the relationship I have with the friend and other parties concerned. I am only concerned about getting my pent up complaints out, I think this is a good opportunity to pile up all I have against this person at one shot, without pausing to think even for a second, as to how shocked and hurtful the other person might be feeling because of this sudden outburst. Also, in this case, when the friend was dealing with family issues etc., it makes me feel so bad about myself. I couldn't have picked a wronger time to have this brawl with her.

In essence, here are all the things I didn't do during this fight and have never been able to do during conflict situations-

Didn't stay cool and talk calmly
Played the Blame Game
Got trapped into another fight

While, my friend handled the situation way more maturedly and took the first step in apologizing, she also pointed out my flaws in a manner that was way less hurtful than what I did to her and got me thinking more about my behavior. While we both have a long history and also share a common environment and will be seeing each other often, there is definitely a black mark hole that I've created in this friendship. I hope that I have it in me to things better for us, if not completely normal. While, its very much in my nature to not let bygones be bygones, I really wish that I am able to change that (for my own betterment) and put this episode behind us and move forwward. I am sure that furture conflicts between us will come up, but, I will try and make a conscious attempt to not bring up the old fight or the emotions I felt during it. I also hope to treat her with more sensitivity in the future and when conflicts come up, would rather take care of them right away, rather than letting them build into the kind of fights that can do real damage to the friendship.

Genuine Friendship
By Srimathi Raman

Genuine friends are hard to find.
Friends may not be of the same kind.
Wave lengths need to match.
They belong to life’s greenest patch.
Their nature may differ.
The thoughts will concur.
This ‘friendly’ bond is its own pride.
All other bonds’ envy.
Birth of friendship is not out of compulsion.
This is the specialty of this relation.
True feelings shared are beyond compare.
This makes a genuine friend so rare.
Transparency maintained is super-duper.
Gossips can never hamper.
This has no space for hear says.
Differences do happen; also sorted are these.
There is no place for mediator.
Need for mediation demands a preponderor.
This need reveals the fallacy.
The bond is affected by palsy.
Real friendship is very healthy.
This survives only with the ‘worthy’.
Rareness is the challenge to this relation.
Commonly found is cheap imitation.

To Grandmothers, Mothers and Mothers-in-law

2008-05-09T15:17:00.000-07:00

With Mother's Day coming up on Sunday, what better time to pen my memories and experiences with the older female generation. As most know and would agree, mothers are an integral part of our lives, they've shaped us into who we are today and are still and will continue to strive for our best, no matter how ever old we grow. I still see my Ammamma (grandmother) play an active part in my mother's life and how attached the two of them are. A maternal instinct, mother country, mother nature etc. are all expressions that are used to attach the feminine attributes that a mother posseses with other things.

While everyone has individual experiences with their mother, my experiences with my mother are special to me. Being an only child, all my mother's dreams have always centered around me. I was raised by my mother's parents (grandparents) a lot, during my early years (which is quite common coming from India)and also until college etc. hence, I share a unqiue relationship with Thatha and Ammamma, as well. My mother was a working woman, who strived hard to balance the pressures of work and home life. She worked for almost 20 years in the insurance industry, was well respected and loved by her colleagues (fondly known as "BJ" at her office). During her career, she studied and passed several insurance exams to her credit. All this was while I was in school, she made sure I was well taken care of when she worked and never made me feel neglected. I would always find a hotpack full of food when I came home from school in the afternoons and of course, she would also wake up in the mornings and pack me a different lunch/snack for school. My mom took voluntary retirement (VRS) when I was in college to be with me, before I decided to apply for graduate school in the US after my undergrad. Those were some of the best times when I would find her at home with a hot tiffin after I came home from college.

There are many traits in my mom, that I haven't inherited, but admire whole-heartedly. I love her sense of humor (she can be funny at times), her smell (she always, always smells great), and the way she keeps her life busy and meaningful. She can get hooked to stock trading sometimes and pursues her passion. She is very religious and has the discipline to do pujas, say slokams etc. I love her studious nature, even now, if she sets her heart upon writing an exam, she will succeed. I wish that rubbed off more on me ):

Moving on to mothers-in-law, they come in all shapes and sizes and make interesting personalities to study. We have the good types and the not so good types, again it depends on our perspective as to how we view them. I can't help but like the mother-in-law "Marie" in my favorite Everybody loves Raymond and watch the sparks between her and the daughter-in-law Debra. While, my mother-in-law and I don't have sparks like that, we sure do have something nice and different.

To all grandmothers, mothers and mothers-in-law, let mother's day not be the only time when you are remembered and talked about and thank you all that you do.

Grandmothers are mothers who are grand
By:Turlough O'Carolan

Grandmothers are mothers who are grand,
Restoring the sense that our most precious things
Are those that do not change much over time.
No love of childhood is more sublime,
Demanding little, giving on demand,
More inclined than most to grant the wings
On which we fly off to enchanted lands.
Though grandmothers must serve as second mothers,
Helping out with young and restless hearts,
Each has all the patience wisdom brings,
Remembering our passions more than others,
Soothing us with old and well-honed arts.

Everything Mom
By: By Joanna Fuchs

How did you find the energy, Mom
To do all the things you did,
To be teacher, nurse and counselor
To me, when I was a kid.

How did you do it all, Mom,
Be a chauffeur, cook and friend,
Yet find time to be a playmate,
I just can’t comprehend.

I see now it was love, Mom
That made you come whenever I'd call,
Your inexhaustible love, Mom
And I thank you for it all.

Star Mother-In-Law
By: By Joanna Fuchs

Some mother-in-laws are possessive;
Their child they still want to own.
My mother-in-law’s love is like sunlight;
On both of us it shone.

Some mother-in-laws put you down;
They think you’re not good enough.
My mother-in-law shows approval,
Affection, and other good stuff.

Some mother-in-laws interfere;
They think that they know best.
My mother-in-law lets us be;
She’s better than the rest.

And so I just want to thank you
For being who you are;
As a mother-in-law, you’re a star!

Greens Restaurant- A Unique Panfare in SFO

2008-05-03T13:29:00.000-07:00

We went to a vegan place called "Greens restaurant" located in the Fort Mason area in SFO for my birthday dinner last night. The restaurant itself is located in the barracks in the Fort Mason area and is a converted warehouse that boasts of lavish wood work and a subdued interior decor. Unfortunately, we didn't know before to reserve a table with a view of the Marina, though, I was prudent enough to call ahead during the day to make reservations for the night. If you do go, remember to make an advance reservation, since this is a popular place in the city.

The staff at Greens were very courteous and the crowd that came to the restaurant seemed so typical of San Francisco, an eclectic mix of several nationalities. The menu has some unique dishes, both under the appetizers and entrees. We had a dish called the Mesquite Grilled Brochettes - skewers of mushrooms, peppers, garnet yams, fennel, potatoes, cherry tomatoes and marinated tofu with charmoula and served on cherry-pistachio couscous. The couscous was like the tamil version of "javvuarisi" and tasted really good. We also had a thai red curry with cashew jasmine rice and mango mint chutney that was also delicious. The dishes had an organic fervor to them and one can taste the freshness of the ingredients and the delicately flavored spices.

We later learned that the chef Anne Somerville specifically designed the menu for vegan taste buds and a lot of the organic produce used in the cooking comes from a Green Gulch farms in the Marin headlands.

Lastly, the dishes seem a little too pricey $16-$25 for entrees and the portions are medium.

Greens was indeed a unique eating experience in the city and will be a nice dining venue for special occasions.

Happy Birthday to Me!

2008-05-02T08:50:00.000-07:00

Yes, that wonderful second day in May that comes once a year is here again. It is that day where you are greeted by each phone call or email or card telling you that you are a whole year older in just one day!

The day started off with K getting me something I've wanted for a while now, amidst other things...a basketball and a net/hoop (yet to come) to shoot baskets at home. Who says shooting baskets is restricted to teen-agers, ha ha! No surprises though, since I've learnt over the years to tell him what exactly it is I want for a present to make both of us happy. Watching the NBA in full-action at this time of the year, this definitely is something that will keep my spirits up.

At work, in my role as HR, as part of employee morale, I usually send out birthday cards for employee birthdays (signed by the entire department) and also hang up decorations,etc. in their office. This year, the group had gotten a card for me and everyone signed it and gave it to me.

I've picked a restaurant in San Francisco for dinner tonight, a vegan place in Fort Mason that was recommended by K's colleague. Looking forward to the evening and also to sample some of the unique dishes from their menu (will surely blog about the eating experience). Of course, a stop at Ghirardelli square for dessert will follow.

I will just say that with this birthday not only am I accepting turning a year older, but what I'm really celebrating is a year full of learning experiences both at home and at work, new acquaintances, continued old friendships, increased physical activity and eating and more frequent blogging - and all the wonderful contacts I've made through this little page.

Adorable Pete Wiggins

2008-04-18T12:52:00.000-07:00

Pete Wiggins (his name jiggles his bubbly personality) is the 5 year old kid who features in the Kaiser Permanente commercial on TV. The ad. portrays Pete to be a middle aged guy and he rocks! Some of the things he says, like "I have made some bad decisions, hung out with the wrong crowd" etc. are hilarious. The ending of the ad. where he says "Things are looking up" with a pop, cracks you up!

Pete was invited on the Ellen Degeneres show and was truly adorable.

Enjoy this you-tube video...

Beaches- Here and There!

2008-04-16T12:54:00.000-07:00

Marina Beach, Chennai

Miami, Florida

San Gregorio State Beach, California

Last weekend, the weather was glorious in the Bay Area, in other words, it was really warm and sunny on Saturday. We drove on 280 and then took 1 South to go to San Gregario State Beach towards the evening. It was a scenic and windy drive, but, gets you to the beach in about an hour's time. This is the first beach you come across when you enter 1 South. We were surprised to find that the beach parking lot was full and saw the crowd. When we've visited this beach about 3 years ago, it was so deserted. Nevertheless, it brought back a feeling of being in Marina beach, Chennai. Well, that feeling only lasted until we dipped out feet in the sea and it was so cold. After several ooos and aahs, you get used to the cold, but still, be it the Stinson Beach , Monteray or any other Bay Area beach, the water in the Pacific is always cold, even during the summer and this has been our sea experience in the west coast, till we visited Miami beach in Florida.

The water in the Miami beach and other parts of Florida like Keywest was not only a greenish blue tinge, but also plesantly warm. It was such a difference standing in the water and we hardly wanted to come out. Not only that, the color is definitely a pretty sight for the eyes.

Lastly, how can I not mention our Marina beach in Chennai. Though, not as fancy as a hang out spot for teenagers like Besant Nagar Elliot's beach, Marina is surely an all time favorite in terms of the water, sand, and all the other side attarctions.

Beaches here and beaches there......enjoy while the good weather lasts.

Day at the Beach by Sharon Froese

A day at the beach

What could be

More fun

Than playing in

The sand

The surf

The sun

Building castles

And rivers

And splashing

In the waves

There's no better

Way to spend

Hot summer days

Highlights of our backyard

2008-04-09T09:17:00.000-07:00

With the official onset of spring, though, the days are yet to become warmer here in the Bay Area, the gardening and planting season has arrived. Since moving from an apartment to a house last year, one of the major attractions and benefits have been in having a nice front lawn and a spacious back yard. While we enthusiastically went and brought several flowers and plants at the beginning of spring last year and enjoyed the blooms, some of them didn't survive the winter months, though the roses and some others did.

This year, K and I made our visit to the local nursery and other garden stores and made some additions to our backyard. The first one being the "plantain/vaazhai tree." Known to survive best under tropical climatic conditions and having had bananas, vaazha poo, etc. from trees in our house in India, this was an automatic entry into our backyard.

The "pink jasmine" aka "jaathi malli" is another favorite that we planted last year, but has started blosomming this spring, the fragrance of this lures us into the backyard more often.

Everybody who has been in the Bay Area is familiar with the citrus trees such as lemon, oranges, madarins etc. which are a common feature in most houses on their front and back yards. Last year, K planted an orange tree, which is yet to show signs of fruit, but, we have a neighbor's tree full of ripe lemons (the size rivels in comparison to the oranges), that have branches sagging with lemons on our backyard. Our neighbors are a bunch of bachelor white guys who are better known as the "scooter boys", since they have a mini auto shop in their house, have no qualms in us sharing the fruits of their lemon tree. Its indeed convenient to go into the backyard and pluck a lemon out of the tree to use it for rasam and other types of cooking. We also share the fruits with friends when they visit our place, they leave with a carry bag full of lemons.

Tomatoes, both Roma and early girl varities thrive well during the spring and we've just planted some this year. Tulip bulbs are also a new addition this year. though, we've only planted a couple of them.

Spring is truly a great time to invest in gardening and enjoy the fruits of labor......

Evening Hours by Ella C. Forbes

The dusk has little gateways

That lead to pleasant homes

Enveloped in the soft light

Before the darkness comes.

Each home is in a garden

Alight with vivid blooms,

And there are fragrant posies

In all the restful rooms.

They are so cool and quiet,

After the hectic day,

After the crowded hours

That rush us on our way.

They are the little havens

Where we may turn to sit

And rest us in a leisure

The day could not permit.

April Fools Day

2008-04-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.- Mark Twain

As most of us know, April 1st is also known as All Fools Day and is a day to beware and watch out for pranks and silly tricks that will make a fool out of you. While growing up and during early school days, we used to play tricks on teachers and amonst ourselves as well. Sometimes, you would end up going to school thinking that your best friend wouldn't be the one to play a prank on you, while precisely that is what would happen.

It has been a long time since I fell for an April fool prank, not that I have a lot of people whom I expect will pull one upon me. But, a small thing happened to me when I walked into my office this morning. As usual, the first thing I did was to turn on my computer and after logging in, I started using my mouse. I noticed that it didn't do anything! After shaking it left and right, it still wouldn't move. Assuming that something had gone wrong with my mouse, I called our office courier/tech assistant guy (a college grad named Daniel who is more than 6 feet tall and has a huge frame and is a popular kid around the office) to do the first line of troubleshooting. When Daniel came over and took a look at my mouse, he flipped it over and there was a small post-it note covering the ball on the bottom with "April Fool Dear HR!" written on it.

Since, I do HR for my department, this was someone's idea of playing an innocent April fool's prank on me- you should have seen the look on my face, as Daniel pointed out. He said that I wasn't the only one, but there were "chosen folks" who were lucky to get their mouses messed up with this morning.

Anyways, Have a Fun April Fools'd Day....watch out for any pranks that your kids or colleagues may throw your way.

APRIL FOOL SMILE:-))

Q: Why are people so tired on April 1st?

A: Because they just finished a 31-day March :-)

Wisdom Tooth Extraction- Pain or Relief?

2008-03-25T17:49:00.000-07:00

The last week has been a painful period for me, starting with last Sunday when I noticed swelling, redness and pain around my lower right wisdom tooth (known as tooth 32). I was able to get an emergency appointment with an out-of-network dentist who took one look at my last molar and put me on a cycle of antibiotics and pain killers with a advice to go see my own dentist at the earliest so that I could be referred to an oral surgeon (who is the one who does wisdom tooth extractions) and have the tooth removed to avoid future infections.

After a visit to the dentist who was my assigned one under my insurance plan, I met an oral surgeon on Wednesday. By this time, my teeth were x-rayed under several images at the dentists. I've heard that wisdom tooth extractions are normal procedures done in this country and especially in a person's teen years, when the tooth are unable to come out and its easier to remove. Several folks at work told me that they had all 4 of their wisdom teeth removed when they were in high school or in college. This did nothing to assuage my fears that I was no more in my teens and of course the procedure was going to be more painful.

The oral surgeon who saw me advised me to have both my lower teeth out at one shot, since there was a chance that the same swelling etc. may occur on teeth 17, the left side molar and it would be wise to have both removed at the same time. There were 2 options given to me along with a detailed explanation of what my insurance would cover versus what wasn't going to be covered.

The first option was to go in for a general anesthesia, where I would be completely under during the procedure and would feel no pain at all during the extraction. Unfortunately, the insurance would not pay for this and this is the most expensive method. The second option was to take a local anesthetic to numb the gums and jaw and feel some little pain and have the tooth extracted, the insurance would cover for this.

My tolerance to pain is usually very minimal and never having been to a dentist more than for a few clean-ups in India, I decided to go with the first option of being under general anesthesia and having the tooth out. The oral surgeon's office gave me a 4 page hand-out for before and after surgery instructions.

The date for the extraction was set for Friday morning. Several online source readings, u-tube videos etc. had made me quite nervous and valium was given to calm me down. K had taken the day off to drive me and bring me back home from the surgery, since I wouldn't be able to drive back after the anesthesia.

After the procedure, I was so groggy and could hardly walk to the car (was brought in a wheel chair) and came home with gums stuffed with gauze pads that needed changing every 30 minutes or so since the bleeding continued for 24-48 hours. K was diligent about following the post-operative instructions and kept the ice pack on and off for the next 8-12 hours. My eating was restricted to jello, apple juice and yogurt for the weekend. On Sunday, I was able to eat mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese.

The last couple of days have been a gradual improvement with respect to my being able to eat normal food, but, my jaw movements are restricted and it still hurts when I talk. It feels like there are hollows on either side of my jaw and now its time for the heat packs to go on. I've stayed home for the past couple of days, relaxing, watching TV, catching up on sleep and reading and also doing some cooking and baking, things I enjoy doing.

Am planning to end the extended time off, by returning to work tomorrow, have to go see the oral surgeon tomorrow for a post surgery check up, hopefully, it all went well.

To all those who've had your wisdom tooth removed, Kudos for getting one painful experience over with in life. For those ones, who haven't had to have them extracted, stay lucky.

Happy Smiles!!!

Damon- Our puppy for 4 days

2008-03-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

A lot of activity has happened since my last blog in January. K and I went to India for a 10 day trip to attend his brother's wedding, that was one hectic, packed trip. This was our second trip to India within the last 5 months and I am really done with my India travels for a while now.

I've wanted to have a dog, specifically a sheltie, since being around Codi (he is my aunt's sheltie in Boston). K and I have never had pets in our families while growing up in India. The distant memories of a dog as a family pet in India are the variety of stray dogs and the few selected ones named Jimmy, Mani, Rosy, Ju-Ju, Lily etc. that were always kept chained in the front of the house and barked their heads off. Codi was my first exposure to a pet in this country and he brings a lot of joy to the family and is a pleasure to be with, which is how we settled on getting a sheltie.

I've been in touch with several breeders from the Shetland Club of Northern California and K and I attended a sheltie agility and obedience show in February. One of the breeders whom I've been in contact with, had brought her 4 month old sable and white male named Damon for us to see. This was Damon's first big outing and he was in his crate, all cuddled up and cosy.

She let him out for us to get acquainted with him. Our first reaction was that he was so cute and adorable. He was initially shy and afraid didn't come to us right away, but did after a while and spent a good 10 minutes smelling me and K. Afterwards, the breeder had to go for her show and she put him back in his crate and we fixed an appointment to go over to her place the following week to see Damon again.

My first sneeze followed be several huffs and puffs occured during this day, right after we went to the dog show. I attributed that to some instant allergic reaction to the smells, dander and environment of several dogs and returned home to find that the sneezing had led to watery eyes etc. and a claritin allergy pill took care of it for the rest of the evening and night.

The following week we visited th breeder and got to spend some more with Damon in her house and again my sneezing perked up once we were in her place and I told K that this was due to several dogs etc. in her house and that once we brought Damon home it should all be fine. We planned to bring him home on a Friday night and spent Thursday shopping for his crate, bedding, toys etc. It was an exciting time to prepare for the new arrival to our home. On Friday night, we brought him home in our car. Once, we let him out of the crate and out of the car, we found out that he was car sick (he had thrown up during our ride home) and it took him a while to come inside our house.

K and I had scattered papers all over the place in order to avoid any accidents in our new carpet. After coming inside and running around and sniffing his new surroundings, he peed in the newspaper in our living room. We spent the next couple of days of the weekend training him to go potty outside and creating a routine for him. It was a lot of work, but the enjoyable part was when he would stand up on his paws when either K or me sat on a chair and rub his head against us to be petted, it was incredible to see how much of love he wanted and we cherished every moment with him.

During this time, my allergies perked up and on the third day I got myself tested for dog allergy and had a positive reaction to the allergy test they performed on me. This was my first visit to an Allergy and Aasthma clinic and my respect for them grew, seeing the multiple categories of allergy causes that they had to test on people.

As this was happening, we took Damon for his first vet appointment and got him his rabies shot, he was such a well behaved sheltie and the vet praised him for his good behavior. We learnt to praise him for his good deeds by changing our tones..."Good Boy"...etc. with lots of fervor and also learnt to say a big "No.." when he attempted to lift his feet to go potty inside the house. It was such a learning experience.

On day four, since my allergies came out to be positive, we had to make a hard decision of giving him back to our breeder, since the longer we kept him, not only were my allergies getting worse but it was going to be extremely hard for him and us to part.

While, my love for shelties has not diminished, I only wish that I had the chance to keep Damon forever with us.

"Best of all, Shelties have empathy, while many breeds do not. They feel with you. You can tell your wildest dreams and deepest fears to a Sheltie, and he will understand--not in detail, of course--but he will understand that you are self-absorbed, or that you are afraid".

- From Clan Duncan shelties

The Perfect Sheltie

There's no such thing as the perfect dog

People will say to you

And when it comes to Shelties -

Boy, is that ever true!

Some are too big and some too small

Some hardly have any hair at all

Some are too bold and some too shy

Some have a short tail or a big round eye

Crooked legs and splayed out toes

Prick ears and hound ears and odd coloured nose -

The perfect Sheltie just can't be made

But here's one thing that's really great:

To be perfect in their owners' eyes

Shelties only need one part

And every Sheltie I ever met

Had that loving Sheltie heart.

By Simone Ross, (dross@barint.on.ca), From http://dogpatch.org

Happy Pongal

2008-01-14T10:34:00.000-08:00

Wishing all bloggers A Very Happy Pongal, two working days in the US. Well, we have our own ways of celebrating Pongal- not to mention recording some of the Sun TV special programs.

Sirappu Puthu Padal and Sirapu Thiraikannoattam on Tuesday
Interview w/ Danush & Nayanthara and Interview w/ Vivek on Wednesday

Watching those and eating hot ven pongal with gotsu and sweet pongal are our plans and waiting to see what new releases show up in our local Bay area theatres.

Enjoy this year's Pongal!

Happy New Year 2008

2008-01-03T10:03:00.000-08:00

Pieces of Time by Joanna Fuchs

New years come and new years go,
Pieces of time all in a row.
As we live our life, each second and minute,
We know we’re privileged to have you in it.
Our appreciation never ends
For our greatest blessings: our family and friends.

Happy New Year!

The Namesake- A Touch of Sentiments

2007-12-20T13:15:00.000-08:00

I recently watched the movie "The Namesake" on DVD that was directed by Mira Nair, though the movie had come out earlier this year. I had already read the book written by Jhumpa Lahiri, but seeing the movie made the experience lot more realistic for me. It was one of those movies that had me crying my heart out and poor K had to stop at one point and we watched the remaining portion on the next day. The movie still remains fresh at mind and in heart that prompted me to write a blog.

Perhaps there have been other movies that showcase cross-cultural issues and American versus other cultural issues and differences like Bend it like Beckam, East versus East etc., but what makes Namesake stand out, is the beautiful way in which Mira Nair portrays the true personalities of each of the characters that make you forget that it is a movie after all.

The story revolves around first-generation Indian American Gogul Ganguli and his Bengali family, parents Ashoke and Ashima, specifically and the struggles that they each meet out to come to terms with the American culture. Kal Penn as Gogul Ganguli and Tabu as Ashima live and breathe the images of their respective characters and really touch your hearts with their stellar performances.

The story line and incidents that happen right from the start of Ashima's marriage to Ashoke and her entry to the American land till the end when she decides to live her life part in Calcutta and the US complete a full life for the film. The movie has a message for everyone- be it the Indian arranged marriage couple or the Indian American children born in this country. It portrays Ashima as a strong woman of substance who has come a long way since she married Ashoke. It also depicts the hardships faced by Gogul and his sister, more so, by Gogul, in trying to fit in. The women in his life- both Maxine and the Begali wife Moushmi teach him valuable lessons that shape his thought processes and make him understand himself more.

A few scenes that really stood out for me were when Ashima tries to call her son on his birthday and he his out with his girl friend Maxine's family, when she later tells him to make him up Maxine (though she doesn't approve of her) and some more.

This movie is a great learning cultural tool for many Indian Americans who go through the sturuggles of raising their children in this country. As for the non Indian poulation, it gives them a good insight into the arranged marriage system and how love, trust and commitment follow through. It also provides a good overview of the emotions and feelings that Gogul-like Indians undrego growing up in this country.

It is a rather slow movie, especially in the earlier parts, but The Namesake will speak to anyone who has felt themselves pulled in different directions by their own heart and emotions.

A must see for all!

Happy Deepavali...A trip down memory lane

2007-11-06T12:54:00.000-08:00

It is those memories of celebrating a Deepavali back in India that makes it so special for many of us who aren't back home for this festive occasion.- Happy Deepavali...

Several of us have different memories when we talk about Deepavali back in our homes in India. For me, it brings back first the smell and taste of the sweets and savories (bakshanam)

that could be tasted as they are bring made by mothers and grand mothers, unlike other festivals like Krishna Jayanthi etc. where you would have to wait for the Gods (naivediyam)

before you can have a go at the goodies. I still remember the times when my mom would make kara boondhi a few days before Deepavali which would be the official lauch of the preparations.

Not to forget, the "Deepavali marundu or lehiyam" that would be the first thing to fall plop into my palm after an oil bath. The elders would refer to it as a good digestive and eating that before delving into the sweets and savories for the rest of the day would keep you up and running.

Moving on to more than just goodies for the stomach, Deepavali brings lots of crackers, and recently, heard from India that there are tons of new varieties of crackers, sparklers, flower pots etc. that have been added to the existing traditional ones.

Special television programs throughout the day in all the satellite channels and new movies being released on that day all contribute to the festive atmosphere of the day. New clothes, colorful versions of several designs and jewels along with a visit to relatives, grandparents places for blessings and sweet exchanges are all the other things that complete my memory of a complete Deepavali celebration.

As for this year, planning to record some of the Sun Tv programs to watch (esp. the star pattimadram) and watch it sometime later. For K and I, it is just another routine work day and a trip down memory lane of earlier Deepavali's.

Wishing all bloggers A Very Happy & Prosperous Deepavali...............................................

JK Rowling's spills secrets on her characters

2007-10-22T12:36:00.000-07:00

As one of the millions of Harry Potter fans worldwide, I have to do a blog on JKR's latest revealetions on some of her characters. Rowling was present at New York City's Carnegie Hall on Saturday night at an event that boasted of thousands of Harry Potter fans who had come across the country for the hot event. These lucky children won a sweepstakes created by Rowlings publisher and they then flew to New York from all over the place. The event was hosted by MSNBC news anchor Keith Olbermann who paved the way for Rowling to occupy the center stage.

Answering to a question posed by someone in the crowds, Rowling spilled the beans on the kindly old headmaster of Hogwarts, by saying that Dumbledore was gay. That statements explains a lot from her series, especially, it affirms the connection between Dumbledore and Grindelward, his younger days companion who took an interest in the Dark Arts. Albus Dumbledore's character is probably the most loved and discussed, next to Harry, in all of Harry Potter's fan groups. Though, initial books probably made readers question the loyalty and relationship between Professor McGonagal and Dumbledore, Rowling clarifies that in her latter books.

Hope the upcoming Harry Potter movies, would make sure that the authenticity of his character remains without messing up the storyline.

Further, Rowling went on to answer a few other questions such as Neville's love life, Molly Weasley's killing of Bellatrix and so no. The whole evening came to an end by 8.30 pm when Rowling stood up to sign the stacks of books piled up for the children who had come.

Wish I could go to one such event and get caught up in the magical moments................

Saraswathi Puja and Vijayadasami- end of Navarathri

2007-10-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday!

Since I didn't get to do a post on the golu this year, thought that I would do a write up on the end of the navarathri festival, which is marked by the Sarawasthi puja on the ninth day (navami) followed by Vijayadasami on the tenth day. Because, these days fall on a weekend, it becomes a little easier, atleast for working folks like us in the US, to do some sort of a mini puja at home.

A trip down the memory lane- Back in India, Saraswathi puja was an important day to reckon with. It was on this only day that our parents never insisted us to study/read and we were made to keep all our books, musical instruments before the Goddess and puja would be performed. This was done as a form of respect to the Goddess of knowledge Saraswathi who would be the one to bless our educational pursuits. In commercial places, this day would be referred to as Ayudha puja and all the machinery, equipment used in any form of shop, industry etc. would be cleaned and decorated with flowers, sandalwood paste etc. After a brief puja, sweets, rice flakes (arisi pori) with jaggery would be distributed to all. Even vehicles and automobiles would be decorated and worshiphed since they brought livelihood for several folks.

On the tenth day of Vijayadasami, the day that the Goddess has attained victory by slaying the demon, is considered auspicious and siginifies good over evil. This is the day when new ventures, be it in business, education, music, dance etc. is begun, since it signifies prosperity throughout the coming year.

Well, thus comes the end to the navarathi season. Hope everybody has a good weekend.

Back to Blogging

2007-10-17T10:12:00.000-07:00

Hello! Hola! Bonjour! Ciao! Aloha! Namaste! Vanakkam..........

Yes, I am back to blogging after a leave of absence of six months. Given that my last blog was in April when we moved into our new home, I didn't think that I would come back to blogging for several reasons, top one being that I simply had lost the enthu and motivation to blog somewhere along the line. Further, I didn't think that me not blogging would make a difference to the huge blogger community, honestly, it doesn't, but when a few friends kept asking me as to why I haven't blogged and that I should start blogging again, I thought, well, maybe its time to make a come back.

A lot has happened in the last six months, don't want to indulge into great details about each and every thing. The highlights would be K and I completed 3 years of matrimony in June, we visited London and nearby cities like Stratford, Oxford enroute to India in July. We celebrated my dad's 60th birthday function in India and attended my brother-in-law's engagement around the same time in August. Came back to US and spent the last week in keeping golu and inviting friends.

While, those have been the happenings in my personal life, other things that whizzed by were Thalaivar's Sivaji making history in tamil cinema, the Indian stock market's growth (given that it was down today), the Google and Apple stocks still holding strong, the I-Phone frenzy and more.

Well, with the comeback comes a new look to this blog......will be back soon.

Home..Sweet Home

2007-04-26T12:20:00.000-07:00

The last couple of months have probably been the busiest time in my life, given that my blogging has consistently decreased to "a blog once a month". But, that doesn't prevent me from spending my lunch hour reading some of the other blogs to keep up on the happenings.

Early this year, after a lot of pressurizing from my end, my husband and I decided to embark on the "Bay Area Housing Express" to make our journey through the tedious process of buying a home. As first-time passengers in this express, our requirements for reaching the destination of "Buying a Home in Silicon Valley" were different. K's need was simple- "You buy a house, pay for it to live in it and don't expect anything more." My desire was a little more ambitious- Given that the housing prices in the valley are much much higher than anywhere else in the country and don't seem to drop lower; and logic sans the already inflated housing prices versus steady salary growth, not knowing how unpredictable the future here is going to be, still, the tinge of hope that maybe, the home price may go up slightly and there is still room for a small profit to be made.

But, anyways, the entire process of home buying was an educative and eye-opening experience. Initially, our knowledge base on the topic was limited to conversations with some friends who have been experts in this area, buying and selling their 2nd and 3rd homes. Nevertheless, the process seemed scary. You know there's a lot of paperwork involved, and a lot of vocabulary that might sound alien. It was like doing school work, the evenings, K and I spent reading the material our agent had given us and learning the meaning of terms like Adjustable Rate Mortgage(ARM), Amortization, Annual Percentage Rate(APR), Closing costs, Contingency, Delinquent, etc. The easy part was spending the weekend afternoons going for open houses and then after a while, you realize that the more you see, the more you get confused. Not only that, you know that the ones that are in a reasonable condition are the ones that will be sold in a jiffy with mutiple offers and the fixer-upper types also had their bidders.

While several friends of us kept telling us that the prices have gone down now, the scenario during mutiple offers brought a jolt of unexpected happenings. While nation-wide home prices have declined, the valley still seems to be going steady, not great, but flat. When a house has multiple offers, it just seems that people are frantic enough to escalate the value of the home and make sure that the price is highly inflated, atleast 15-25K more than the listing price.

Anyways, to cut a long story short, we finally found a house that we liked and more importantly got. The hard part comes afterwards, gettting the home loan approved, locking it down at a good interest rate and closing escrow.

Once all those processes are completed and you get the keys to the home, you can finally call yours, one may think that you can breathe easier. The moving in, followed by seeing the huge mortgage amount go every month from your paycheck, makes you wonder, if you made the right decision.

But, seeing that you can slam nails into your walls, hang how many ever pictures you want, paint them and decorate them as per your wish and basically having the freedom to do anything, makes you smile and say, "Maybe, this wasn't such a bad idea, after all."

More on the home series to follow..................................................................

Bachelors- 'Singled Out' in South India (100th post)

2007-03-06T13:03:00.000-08:00

Recently watched Mozhi on big screen with some friends, although Jo's acting etc. are all talked about, I thoroughly enjoyed the scenes between the Telegu actor Brahmanandam who plays the house owner and his clashes with Prakash Raj, seemed like a fresh breath of comedy amidst the other present day stereo types. This episode in the movie along with a recent conversation with one of my single friends in India gave me some content for a blog.

A good high-school friend of mine who works for a BPO in Chennai was telling me about his state of affairs as a "bachelor" guy in the city and how hard it is for him to make a right impression with folks considering his single status. When I asked him to elaborate more, he was only too happy to express his displeasure about the way bachelors are treated in and around the city. Given that several youngsters come from different parts to live and work in Chennai's booming IT corridor and companies, inspite of their education and good behavior, the society has little regard for these folks.

As an example, he mentioned how his house owner looks down upon him and a few other roomates of his with suspicion given the fact that they are bachelors. It was so hard to even convince him to rent us this apartment for 3 working bachelors. Out of curiosity, when he asked his owner why he was against bachelors, the man responded with a knowing grin, "I was a bachelor once. I know what you guys do!" My friend was saying he may have hinted about drinking, making noise, partying etc. but the truth is we hardly make much noise and do any partying in the house. We work on day and night shifts alternatively and come home to relax, watch some tv and get some sleep. We don't cook regularly and are often out of people's ways and feel that we are way better compared to several other family tenants.

He didn't stop his out-pour there, but went on to say how the neighbours view the bachelors. A few years back when he was living with his parents, they would fondly tell their small kids about "Anna" and wave to him. Nowadays, when me or my friends walk into the apartment complex, the folks rush in with their kids and close the door, just because I smile and say hi to them. The same neighbours, especially the married women, later, knock on our doors with a request to teach their child Math or Science or help out with a school project that is due on the next day.

He was also telling me how several of his colleagues who are CA's or sofware professionals have been denied home loans by financial institutions, owing to their unmarried status.

Lastly, my dad was telling me about a distant relative of his who had left Tiruchi to work in a good job in Chennai. Looks like he was in need of a gas connection, which, after my dad's narration, I realized is not the easiest to obtain in Chennai. The boy had to have a ration card in order to get his gas connection, for which, he had to be married or needed to take days off from work to go back to Tiruchi and cancel his name on the ration card there. The boy commented to my dad that he had a passport, voter's ID Card, a driver's license, a PAN card and income tax receipts, but none of this could be useful in helping him obtain a gas connection.

Looking at all this, seems like being a bachelor is not such a great idea and all fun as it appears to be. I guess the city definitely needs to be more open and polite to the tons of youngsters who are bachelors and are there to make a living.

Thought for the day:

Try to focus, not on the annoying things your neighbours do, but on the things they do right.

Back to Blogging.....

2007-02-20T13:54:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I blogged, especially the meaningful blogging, except the Thanksgiving and New Year wishes posts. No specific reason, except for a sudden dip or lack of motivation on topics to write about and work catching up and some other stuff to take care of at the domestic front, there has been no will to blog. Although, I have been reading the other blogs on and off when time permits. Hopefully, I will start blogging regularly from now on....

Thought for the day:

When someone asks you how you are, don't emphasize how busy you are. You're an interesting person with many qualities besides busyness.

Happy New Year & Resolutions

2007-01-02T08:17:00.000-08:00

Wishing all bloggers A Very Happy and Prosperous 2007! Thanks for all your wishes and hope the new year brings in more blogger friends and sharing.

Back to work today- the first working day in 2007 and I'm sure that some of you may have made resolutions to start off the year. Making New Year Resolutions is no less than a tradition in modern times and though they are easy to make or think of, its quite difficult and virtually impossible for everyone to keep up their resolutions till the year end. A few suggestions on keeping up those resolutions and achieve them by the year ending.

* Its a good idea to recall last year's resolution and see if it has been successfully achieved. If not, make that the primary resolution for this year and promise yourself to keep it this year.

* Also, making a lot of resolutions and not following them is easier, so try and stick to 1-3 resolutions, small ones that you are sure can be achievable.

* Keep reminding yourself of your resolution daily, by writing it and sticking it in your office or at home and reward yourself when you have work towards your goal.

Well, one of my resolutions this year is to try and pray to God for a few minutes daily either in the morning or evening. Feels like this habit of mine needs some strengthening in the new year.

Would be interesting to hear some other resolutions for this year.............

Happy Tuesday!

The Joy of Giving, Exchanging Goodwill and the Holiday Season

2006-12-20T09:42:00.000-08:00

Its been almost a month since my last Thanksgiving blog and it appears as though my blogging happens only during the holiday time and not earlier, simply because, life has been more busy and I haven't been in the mood to blog.

Well, its that time of the year when wreaths made from artificial mistletoe, carols about holly, ivy and reindeer, bright-colored stockings are all hung up as decorations- all these have become an integral part of Christmas and holiday celebrations at work and outside. Yes, I am referring to my work place, a totally white dominated office where the spirit of giving and the holiday season have started to cheer the atmosphere around me.

I am not a Christian and neither have I yet started celebrating Christmas at home bu putting up a tree etc., but I definitely enjoy exchanging goodwill with friends and colleagues during this time of the year.

Being in a University, we are closed for the next week starting 12/23-1/2 and these last few days in the office have been good. First of all, work is slow at this time of the year and it is great time to catch up on organizing and cleaning the office and making plans for the new year. Secondly, attending other department XMas parties, lunches at nice restaurants with a group of colleagues followed by "white-elephant" gift exchange games make it seem so realistic. I haven't felt the same during Diwali time here in the US, not that the Sun TV programs and temple visits make me only feel more nostalgic. But, the nice thing about the holiday season and approach of XMas is that I don't feel left out. I too go shopping to buy gifts for friends and colleagues who shower their holiday spirit on me by giving me home made baked goodies, stockings filled with candies and a lot more other XMas gifts.

I am learning a lot about reciprocating gifts this year. "Gifting is an art" and I think it should be done with a lot of elan and class. Wrapping and packaging of the gits with the most innovative of holiday paper and bags make so much of a difference and is thoroughly appreciated.

Last, but not the least, the joy of giving is not only exchanging gifts at work, but also practicing some charity during this time of the year. This year, I participated in a Holiday Toy Drive for homeless kids and managed to collect some toys from work that I passed on to the Urban Ministry department who organize the toy drive. I find lots of colleagues and friends (sadly, not Indians) who contribute a portion of their income to the Red Cross or do something to help the less fortunate folks.

An older colleague of mine who has no living family members says that the joy of giving is deep and rewarding and works wonders on a person's psyche. She says that when distraught with tension and worry, a little help to somebody in need can be a great stress buster and an anti-depressant.

With all the sales happening in stores around us, being caught up with our hectic lifestyles, passions and interests, we never pause to reflect on the misery of those in dire need. Well, not to go on to the point of sounding monotonous, it is a good idea to start thinking about doing something small for a person in need during this holiday season.

Merry Christmas to those celebrating and Happy Holidays for the others. More frequent blogging to follow.....

Happy Thanksgiving..........

2006-11-21T15:20:00.000-08:00

Its that time of the year when the US festivals and holidays start coming and filling our houses and lives with the spirit of the season. The Thanksgiving Day and long weekend is one such occasion when its time for family and friends to get together in someone's place, cook a fancy meal, need not necessarily be a turkey meal and enjoy good food and great company. In 2004, K and I made a trip to Boston to spend the holiday with my aunt's family where they celebrate thanksgiving in a traditional way cooking a vegetarian version- we had mashed potatoes, veggie stuffing, cranberry sauce and gravy, a dish made out of butternut squash and pineapples and of course pumpkin pie. A picture of the dinner has been attached.

In 2005, I tried my hand at making all those dishes that I had learnt from my aunt on K and invited another recently wed couple friends of ours and hopefully they enjoyed the meal.

This year, dear aunt, uncle and cousin are arriving tonight to spend the holiday with us, can't wait to try out some new dishes this year.

Other things that I am looking forward to this year- Black Friday Deals and shopping on Friday the day after thanksgiving, a trip to SFO to watch the Ghirardelli or Union Sqaure Xmas Tree lighting on the same day and maybe some other visits to nearby places in and around Bay Area during the weekend.

To all those travelling and spending time with family and friends and for those who plan to stay home and relax during the holidays, wish you A Happy Thanksgiving Holiday!!!

More blogging to continue from Monday.....

A Glimpse into Mani's "Guru"

2006-11-16T14:40:00.000-08:00

Mani Rathnam is one of those few Indian directors who has carved a niche for himself and his style of movies. Madras Talkies is his home production and everyone knows about all the trademark movies that have come under his direction and remain as hallmarks of good cinema. With his sophisticated style of film taking and his eye for the best and most suited star cast coomplimented by the best in music AR. Rahman (this time, it is indeed worth spending every penny and minute watching Mani's films.

I am both excited and am eagerly awaiting the release of his next venture "Guru" from Bollywood. During my browsing time, I manage to catch up on all the tit bits from the websites on the movie. Almost everything about Guru is grandiose and builds high expectations.

Beginning with a heavy star cast that includes Abhishek Bachchan, Aishwarya Rai, Mithun Chakravarthy, Madhavan and Vidya Balan, well, if this isn't the only reason to watch the movie. With Mani's expert direction, I am positive that each actor would have performed to the best of their abilities. The second best thing about Guru is its music-AR Rahman has been roped in to do some stunning background score. Gulzar's lyrics have been sung by ARR, Alka Yagnik, Udit Narayan, Hariharan, Shreya Ghoshal, Madhushree and Bappi Lahiri.

Finally, the story of Guru- It is rumored to be based on the life of the Ambani family. The Ambani family is known to be one of the richest conglomerates in the world. The movie is based on the transition of a simple villager to a rising businessman and entrepreneur who grows to become the largest private company in India. Abhishek Bachchan is said to have played the part of Dhirubai and Aishwarya as Kokilaben. Of course, Madhavan, Vidya Balan and Mithun also have strong supporting characters to play. Inspite of being known to do some controversial movies like Nayagan, Bombay where Mani Rathnam has had to face obstacles, in this movie too, he had to walk a tight rope in not copying the verbatim lifestyle of the Ambani's, since the family doesn't want any controversial scenes that would slander their family reputation. So, a private screening of the movie to the Ambani family would probably be expected before its December release.

Abhishek Bachchan's performance both as the youngster and the older Ambani must indeed be a visual treat for his fans and of course the chemistry between him and Aishwarya (his soon to be wife) must only add more of the magical element to the movie. A few articles comparing Ambani to Velu Naicker in Mani's Nayagan about 20 years ago have also been coming out claiming that this would be Nayagan Part II. Since, the movie has been shot in Mani's favorite city Mumbai, but a lot of shotting was also done in and around Chennai, the song sequences have been shot again in Mani's favorite location- Thirumalai Naicker Mahal in Madurai (the place where Kannalane song from Bombay was shot.

The Music of Guru was released in a star studded event in Mumbai last week (pictures are at India Glitz events gallery under Hindi section), but the CDs become available only on Nov 18th.

A short Trailer of the movie at India Glitz and several short music bits are available for viewing at behindwoods.com as well.

Guru seems to be amazingly promising and comes with a lot of expectations from the 60 minute promo trailer ...Villager Visionary..Winner with ARR's background score and minimal dialogues. Just counting the days till its release this December.

A Man's Rules

2006-11-10T14:36:00.000-08:00

Just came across this on the internet and thought it would be interesting to share-

If you ask most men, they would say that the rules are made by their women in their lives etc. For fun, If a man were to make his rules-

Rule 1 Anything I said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an arguement. All comments become null and vid after 7 days.

Rule 2 If I say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other way.

Rule 3 It is in neither your best interest nor mine to make me take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.

Rule 4 You can either ask me to do something or tell me how you want it done- not both.

Rule 5 Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.

Rule 6 Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do I.

Rule 7 When I'm turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the ramp, you saying, "This is our exit" is not necessary.

Source: Internet

Happy Friday!

Thaali aka Mangalsutra- No strings attached?

2006-11-03T13:01:00.000-08:00

Have been wanting to write about this topic for a while now, but haven't had the time to do so. In today's modern world, a married woman makes a conscious choice to wear or not wear her thaali or mangalsutra. What does this imply?

For those who aren't familiar with the Hindu tradition of marriage, a thaali (as known in South India) or a mangalsutra (as known in North India) is tied by the groom around the neck of the bride on the day of their wedding signifying their union. The thaali is considered auspicious and is believed to protect the marriage and life of the husbands and was never usually removed in the bride's lifetime, unless her spouse died.

But like all traditions and customs, today this trend is also changing. Although, it is tied at the wedding, the younger generation women of today are choosing whether to wear it all times, or not.

For many women living outside India, the thaali is worn on and off. Some reasons for this are that- First of all, the fear that something may happen to their spouses if the woman takes off her thaali is overcome by the voice of reason and logic.

Secondly, the new era of women are confident that a mere symbolism of the thaali is not an expression of their commitment in the marriage. Most of them feel that loving your spouse and staying married doesn't come with a piece of chain around your neck.

Thirdly, the practical difficulty in wearing the thaali is that it does not blend in with western clothes or go well with party jewellery, silver jewellery, black metal etc. Earlier, the thaali was a traditional thick rope, followed by the thick gold chain and each community has their version for the pendant. Slowly, the gold rope was replaced by the "karugamani" which is made of small gold and black beads and then nowadays women have a "micro thaali" done which is fashionable, much sammer in size and weighs lesser.

Also, during work outs at the gym and other activities such as swimming etc., the thaali is uncomfortable. Not to forget mentioning that some women are allergic to the gold and even have marks on their necks.

But, many women still like to wear it at special occasions and sometimes even on a regular basis and when asked by colleagues at work are proud to explain that it is the equivalent of a wedding ring and symbolizes that a woman is married.

Life is much easier for the women abroad when you don't have a mother-in-law hovering around in the background to express shock and disbelief or a mother to express her concern when you aren't wearing the thaali.

But, for the married women in India, well, I do know some of them who work in MNCs who don't wear a thaali daily to work. But, for the others, it is a constant battle and struggle when the traditional society that is steepled in orthodoxy, culture and values fails to listen to the modern day women's perspective. Also, when the women living in US visit India, they are inclined to wear the thaali more as a way to keep the family members from reacting. Of course, there are still stronger women who hold on to their decision and boldly say that it is a matter of individual choice.

Lastly,how does the husband react to all this? Some of them who are raised in an orthodox background don't approve of their wives not willing to uphold the tradition of being married to them, while others are a lot more open to their spouses making the decision. But, secretly, most men do seem to care about whether their wives want to wear a "thaali" or not, its just that the circumstances in today's lifestyle are such that he has to make his wife have the final word on that!

Happy Friday!

Happy Halloween

2006-10-31T14:08:00.000-08:00

Just got off the hook after organizing A Halloween Lunch Party at work. The spooky decorations and witches and candies were all put out a few weeks ago throughout the office- I guess for lots of folks, being in HR means just "OB-adichifying" with parties, office events etc. It does mean doing all this, but involves lot of physical work and also creativity. Employees love to have a nice atmosphere at work and it is one of the duties of HR to boost their morale by coming up with all sorts of ideas for every special event.

This year for Halloween, I decided on doing a costume party, cos many folks in our office loves to dress up in their Halloween costumes and I haven't yet got into the costume group (for which some folks look at me and say "You need to set a better example as HR".....and my response to them is, "Yeah..I am setting up an example in other ways, not just by wearing a costume).

Anyways, came up with two categories- Most Frightful Costume and Most Creative Costume for the Event, ordered and picked up Gourmet Applewood Pizza (which is thrice as expensive as Round Table or Chicago Pizza), got half a dozen variety of candies, cookies and treats.

The pizza lunch followed by a secret ballot voting for the Best Costume of the Day in each category ended well with people thanking me for all the efforts. Can't wait to go home and hit the sack. Guess those with kids have a lot of Trick or Treating to do this evening.

Attached are pictures from our costume themes- Most Frightful and Most Creative Costumes of the Day.

Happy Halloween!!!

Hobbies for Pleasure

2006-10-25T15:23:00.000-07:00

"Happy is the man who can make a living by his hobby!" Prof. Higgins in George Bernard Shaw's "Pygmalion".

Recently, I came across a few people's opinions on a random survey conducted between ages 12-70 in a certain community event. The topic and questions thrown at the folks were- Have people bid goodbye to hobbies or are hobbies still being considered essential to our lives?

From my personal view, I feel that a hobby is an activity or interest pursued outside a person's regular occupation and engaged in, primarily for pleasure and interest; otherwise it loses its purpose.

It was interesting to read some of the responses and opinions that people shared about pursuing hobbies.

From my daily experience in reviewing resumes, atleast 15% of them have a final paragraph on hobbies and often times I wonder, if this is a mere ornamental additional to a resume or is there more to it than that.

Hobbies can be anything right from surfing the net for constructive purposes, blogging to more traditional ones like gardening, cooking, playing sports, reading, listening to music, art and crafts etc. Whatever be the hobby, it needs an investment of time and lots of passion by the person to keep it going. Due to the technology advancement, computer and video games and watching cartoons on TV have taken precedence over outdoor hobbies.

Some examples that I found worth sharing are-

An older generation Indian mother after relocating to Indonesia, was part of discussion groups to share her knowledge of India with foreigners. She also taught English to adults and children from non-English speaking countries such as Norway, Korea and Indonesia. She found that sharing her knowlesge with the wider world makes an interesting hobby.

Another Indian lady who is a homemaker in Australia spends her weekends making glass paintings and mehendi designs for functions and also earns an income out of this.

Here in Bay Area, there are tons of Indians and their families who conduct classes in Carnatic music, dance, cookery, Tamil language etc. and not only pass on their talent and knowledge but also make a decent living out of doing this. They meet a lot of people and thereby form new friendships and contacts.

Some folks voiced that due to time constraints, they made their profession into a hobby, not sure to what extent that kind of a parochial view can be taken.

Anyways, the bottom line was pursuing a hobby that one enjoys contributes to making a person's life stress free and happy.

Would be interested to hear some of your thoughts on this........

90th Post- 6 Weird Tag Questions

2006-10-23T11:22:00.000-07:00

My 90th post - Tagged by Raju, 6 weird Q&A responses......

1. Psycho in me: Aaaha!! The psycho in me gets triggered when a women is put down or when her opinion is not heard of. Worst yet, can't bear to keep quiet when an older generation man, old school thought, South Indian brahmin man acts as the dominating chief in the household and the rest of the family needs to fear him and obey.

2. Thinni pandaram: Absolutely! I love everything about good food- any cuisine, only vegetarian stuff, ever partial to sweets, pastries, ice creams and cakes. Of course, love to cook the delicacies as well.

3. Kids: Love to cuddle other people's babies,afraid of holding them in my hands, though. Not too fond of them as they grow older.

4. Dreams: Often have the most weird occurences in my dream. Last night, dreamt that a tiger is in the loose in our neighbourhood and it may enter our apartment. It took a while for poor K to rouse me out of my sleep and calm me.

5. No weird: What is the question?

6. Bore factor: Having to stand before the wardrobe every morning and decide what to wear to work.....

I am sure most folks would be bored by tagging them...but will not be the spoiled sport here- so my tagged bloggers: Anu, Renuka, Priya, Shankari, Sundar and jinguchakka........makkale- please don't curse me for doing this!!!

Happy Diwali to All

2006-10-20T12:59:00.000-07:00

Wishing all bloggers Happy Diwali!

For the NRI folks: Enjoy the weekend by eating the delicious goodies (home made or brought from store),wear new clothes, visit your nearest temple, be prepared for the crowds in the temples, have a nice lunch and don't miss the Sun Tv programs, if you have cable connection.

Diwali

Today’s the `Festival of Lights’ all o’er;
A joyful day for minds and hearts and souls;
And people throng the Temples to offer,
Prayers, resolving to take better roles.

And most of them are richly clad and clean,
And eat such dainty foods and sweets with mirth;
Whilst noisy crackers burst, their lights are seen,
It seems to be a happy day on Earth!

But are there not hearts woe-filled, very sad?
Denied of laughter, smiles for days;
Today’s the triumph of Good over bad;
But what about the wastage in much ways?
True joy is when you see someone else smile!
True charity gives joy in Heav’nly style.

Sonnet by Dr John Celes on the Festival of Lights.......

NRI Diwali Special Part I

2006-10-18T14:44:00.000-07:00

Its three more days to Diwali and I am sitting at work writing a job description for a new position that needs to be created, classified, posted, recruited, interviewed and hired as soon as I can. Well, what else can we, other NRI's who work and study here in the US do other than fantasising about their childhood Diwali days and buying calling cards to call India to ask about the Diwali preparations at home.

Earlier, during school and college years when I was in Chennai, I wasn't a big fan of Diwali, mainly bcos I was afraid of crackers. My fun with crackers was restricted to the sparklers aka "kambi mathapu" and flower pots aka "boos vaanam". Vedis such as electric pataasu and even cape guns were banned in my house since I would crawl under the bed with my ears stuffed with cotton and my heart beating loudly at every sound made bya cracker in the neighbourhood. But, what made me still look forward to those Diwali days back then?

A week or so prior to the Diwali day, my parents would take me to Naidu Hall and Nalli etc. for Diwali shopping and a salwar or a midi would be the choice of the day. Today, as I look at all the online apparel business and hear about the crowds at the shops in T.Nagar from my folks, it seems like a lot more gala has been added to the festivities, simply bcos new fashion apparel like modern designer clothes, traditional silk saree varieties and even so many latest trends for men's wear and kids- the new tinkerbell pattu pavadais etc. coupled with the Diwali bonanza, mega sale at Pothy's, Saravana Sotes, Globus, Lifestyle etc. has made the whole package more attractive.

The crackers- What with Subhiksha and many shops offering all the latest types of crackers and lamps-diyas etc.it is indeed a kids delight to celebrate Diwali.

Of course, when we call our parents, they keep saying, now that you've all grown up and gone away, there is no one to burst crackers, so we haven't bought any, just a few sparklers for namesake.

Then, the sweet and savory making time at home. The women of the household-ammas, grandmas etc. would all join together or exchange recipes on making laddos, thengoyal etc. Of course, the special Diwali "legiyam" would top the list, so that it will do good for digesting all the goodies. Slowly, even that started to change. My mom mentions that since all the youngsters have grown up and nobody has the enthu anymore, they have resorted to Krishna Sweets, Grand Sweets and other outsourced Iyer mami's to order their muruku, badusha etc.

On Diwali, visits to temples and grandparents and relatives houses, adjusting the visits such that we don't miss the special programs on Sun Tv would always be memorable. Today, when I see all the advertisements for the shops and Diwali sales and also the preview for the special programs that are going to be screened on Saturday, it touches a memory chord to the years spent in India.

Well, without adding more senti- its still good to have those memories, but living far away here, we can still make do whatver is feasible and fun for us.

Random Ramblings

2006-10-13T15:21:00.000-07:00

It is Friday afternoon and I just finished organizing a baby shower for one of the employees in our department, we had delicious Mocha Chocolate Cake and some fun games. I am ready to leave for the week........just some random thoughts put together in a blog....

1.Thalaivar SuperStar became Super Grandpa on 10/10/06. Being the hero of TN, he distributed sweets and Rs.1000 to all Appollo Hospital staff on this joyous news. Poor Dhanush (whose role isn't too significant as son-in-law, he is 25 yrs old and is younger to his wife Aishwarya) told media that his son would be named by Thalaivar on a grand auspicious function.

Inspite of Rajini attaining grandpa status, his fan crowd and status of hero amongst Tamilians is still at its peak with the successful shooting of his next mega budget Sivaji.

2. Heard that the new movie "The Departed" that has all the major star cast is very bloody, more so that Munich for its violence. So, wondering if we should go for Jet Li's Fearless instead tonight?

3. Want to make some gobi manchrian this weekend.

4. Want to go watch the Pumpkin Patch festival and carving at some close downtown.

5. This huge piece of choc cake that I ate this afternoon is still lingering in my mouth, maybe workout during the weekend?

More meaningful blogging next week......................Happy Friday!!!

Indra Nooyi of Pepsi: An Inspiration to All Indian Women

2006-10-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

Indra Nooyi is President and CEO of PepsiCo, Inc as of Oct 1. As many of us are already aware of this, I am drawn to this not only in seeing the elevation of Indra to CEO, but also the fact that everybody has noticed it.

Indra has been ranked amongst the top 50 most powerful women both in Forbes and Forture 500 company magazines. Prior to this, she was Senior VP and CFO of Pepsi, US and played key roles in the Tricon spin off, acquiring Tropicana, merger with Qaker Foods and also in the public offering of Pepsi Cola bottling group.

Unlike other Indian CEOs what makes Nooyi distinct and special?

First of all, she is a woman, an Indian-born girl who garduated from Madras Christian College and IIM, Calcutta. Her fiery urge to come to the US in 1978 to pursue her Master's degree in Public and Private Management at the Yale School of Management was aptly rewarded.

Secondly, she wasn't an American, but an outsider. This implies that she had to be twice as good as her peers to be considered half as good in a white dominated corporate environment. Her first job at the Boston Consulting Group for six years gave her the strategic background and later enabled her to join Motorola as VP and Director of Corporate Strategy and Planning. Later, her move to Asea Brown Boveri as part of the top management team brought her career graph higher.

She joined PepsiCo in 1994 and broke the glass ceiling by clawing her way up the ladder to become President and CFO in 2001. In her current position, she is responsible for all of Pepsi's corporate fucntions, including finance, stretegy, business process optimization, innovation, investor relations etc.

Lastly, Indra's uniqueness comes from the fact that she wears a sari to attend PepsiCo's corporate events and thereby comes across as a woman proud of her Indian heritage and upbringing. This has made other Americans look to her with a difference and they welcome the genuine woman that she has become. It has opened up a whole new vision for the Indian CEO's, especially the stereo typed Gupta, Dutta Silicon Valley entrepreneurs who have changed their names to blend in with the Americans here unlike Indra's distinctiveness.

Interviews from Business wekk and other articles talk highly about Nooyi's other responsbilities as mother of two daughters and a wife to her husband Raj. She claims that her religious nature and background that she maintains in her puja room at her Connecticut home along with Lord Ganesha's grace always help her handle the several roles that she has to play at home and at the office. Her extra curricular activities aren't limited to playing the electric guitar at office parties, but also span reading a book everday between 11pm to 2 am to keep herself up to date on innovation.

To the average American, Indra Nooyi's CEOship at PepsiCo has come to symbolize the "entry" of the Indian woman immigrant. Today, as Indra stands apart as one of the most successful and powerful businesswomen in the world, she personifies that for Indians to come up and rise in the corporate ladder here in the US- education, hard work and moving into lucrative areas such as finance, HR, law, medicine, entertainment and engineering makes the difference. We need to take the paths that Jews have undertaken before and inspite of the 9/11 after effects, understandably, we would still need to work through to carve a niche for ourselves.

Nooyi deserves to be noticed and applauded for her feats and for drawing the attention to Indians breaking the bastions for top positions in corporate America. She may not be the first immigrant to get there, but she definitely has made a difference with her grand entry.

Kudos to Nooyi who is an inspiration to all Indian-born US educated career women!!!

Indian Women: Job versus Career?

2006-10-03T10:45:00.000-07:00

This has been a long pending blog topic for me and finally here I am writing about something that is of great significance to me. It has always been a struggle for me to clearly distinguish between a non-working woman (which is easy to comprehend), a woman who has a job and a career woman.

The differences have never been more pronounced in my entire life than when I got married. I come from a household where almost every woman, except my grandmother, went to work and also took care of the house. My husband comes from a family where the older generation women haven't gone out trying to be the breadwinner but have stayed home baking the bread for the family. Does that mean that one is better than the other?

First of all, everybody has a right to choose their life and decide what they want to do with it. In my grandmother's time, even the SSLC educated women had to stay home and go through a rough patch with their in-laws and going to work was as impossible as having an interest to pursue higher education. Even if that happened at home, cooking, housework, doing services for the older in-laws and having babies were the priority. Even focussing on your husband was taboo without the in-laws consent.

Two types of women personalities emerged out of this experience when their daughters and sons grew up-

The women who were supressed and deprived of a lot of rights in their younger days grew to become aggressive mothers who educated their daughters (our mothers) and sent them to work and got them married and still urged them to continue working so that they would have a better life than their mothers.

Another type of women personalities who went through the same hardships and even forgot to think independently, taught their daughters and sons to have a good education and imbibe the family values and tradition of respecting the opinions of the older generation and that staying home was not a bad option, but a wiser one to raise a good family and let the man be the sole breadwinner. This was applicable to the daughters-in-law specifically who got married into these households.

As a result, the same two types of mother personalities evolved with the ones having daughters and going to work themselves, supporting their girls to go overseas for graduate studies and welcomed the idea that their daughter should also have an equal partnership in matrimony and contribute to the economic upliftment of the quality of life by going out and working, be it here in a software company in the US or in Bangalore.

The other kind of mothers who themselves weren't employed in their life, did not urge or encourage their daughters and daughters-in-laws to have a job. Instead, their focus was on telling these women, in fact, many of them who are independent in all ways that neglecting the husband and home to bring income wasn't necessary and frowned upon as having too much freedom etc.

But, sadly these people (includes the spouses of non-working women) never see it that way. With the changing trends in the world's globalization, Indian women are storming traditional male bastions both in India and here in US. They are pursuing careers these days. Of course, there are many women out there who are satisfied with just having a job to earn money and gain economic independence. But, a lot more women these days are churning out to become career oriented- they want to do more than a job, they want to pursue personal and professional goals. Even though that kind of change is slowly happening, the success rate isn't that high yet. Such kind of career women don't have their path cut out so easily- they need to be able to climb the professional ladder and yet make sure that they are successful in the home front as well- right from organizing the house, ensuring that the equally hi-tech husband does his part of the home chores and also raise kids in a western environment. And the higher you grow in your position, the more challenges one must face. If it is a business or marketing position, then travel becomes part of your job description.

Finally, since many women have the tendency to play superwoman- trying to excel in all her roles, planning and maintaining the work and balancing the personal life becomes critical. Also, this career graph can never be plotted without the complete support of the spouse, not only in a verbal fashion, but also to sort out all issues that evolves, since a career entails sacrifices and compromises.

Hmmm......have we come a long way from our grandmother's generation.....keep the spirits alive and share your comments.

My first Golu

2006-09-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

This year Navarathri turns out to be slightly different than the last couple of years. Living in Bay Area and visiting the golu sale at Komala Vilas on El Camino Real made me buy some dolls as a last minute thing and keep the golu last weekend with whatever other stuff we could find at home to fill the padis. With K setting up the padis and offering his thoughts and me arranging the dolls, it was truly a couple effort. Spent the last weekend going around to friends places for sundal and golu visits. And, it is our turn to play hosts this weekend.

Looking forward to Sarawasthi puja, SPB Light music concert etc. for this last Dussera weekend.

Happy Friday!